604 Comments
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Manic Pixel Dream Girl's avatar

Not only did the toxic dumbass confuse Jimmy Kimmel with Al Pacino (and if corrected would say Kimmel was still responsible as host or some shit) but left out the best line of this or any Oscars ever, “… isn’t it past your jail time?” Bless Jimmy Kimmel.

BlueSpot's avatar

Dozo, Dozo

Alway bad, always loud

Dozo, Dozo

Dozo the Clown.

Tessie's avatar

"begged him not to do it, “DON’T READ HIS TRUTH, JIMMY, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS,” they said."

"Summoning their last strength, they all cried for help.

"Help, help!" they cried."

-- Bored of the Rings

Tessie's avatar

"begged him not to do it, “DON’T READ HIS TRUTH, JIMMY, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS,” they said."

"Summoning their last strength, they all cried for help.

"Help, help!" they cried."

-- Bored of the Rings

Tessie's avatar

We all know he never came up with "vaunted".

Tessie's avatar

I'm dying over this one:

"They all begged him not to read the tweet. "Don't read the tweet!", they said."

agony's avatar

All I can think of is the old Wayne and Shuster routine -"Juley, don't go, I told him. I said 'Juley, don't go!'"

Bitter Scribe's avatar

He's STILL on about the fucking Oscars?

In the hideous event that he wins again, this man will not spend one single second on anything resembling government business or the duties of his office. Every waking moment will be devoted to revenge, with policy decisions left to the likes of that ghoul Stephen Miller.

fuflans's avatar

gonna havta watch 'i'm just ken' because...

that's how this shit works.

Biff52 vrag naroda's avatar

Everyone knows if you don't use the magic words "And the winner is:" they have to give it back.

STOLLEN OSCAR!

Anzu's avatar

The bit with the Arizona Justice was quite delightful.

Tessie's avatar

"I thought STRIKES were supposed to be “unlimited” when we were picking our jury?"

`

Literally no one is saying that, nor has anyone ever said that.

Stop dipping into Junior's "cold medicine", Stinky.

ROBERT B ESTRADA's avatar

I thought he had the best brain, and words, and golf game.

ROBERT B ESTRADA's avatar

Good Grief ! Didn’t he watch Perry Mason in his youth ?/s or any of the 60s lawyer shows ?

DemoCat's avatar

Oh, what a final chapter in the miserable life of the white, bloated, corrupt, unfaithful lord and savior of the conservative bowel movement.

Tina Mouse's avatar

Please please please let it be the final chapter.

DemoCat's avatar

So funny, all of this. And wtf, TEN frickin peremptory challenges??? All jurisdictions I’ve ever practiced in allow 3. 3 for any reason you like. Otherwise, you can strike any juror for cause, if you can show bias or some other reason. Trump doesn’t get to have 12 people in maga hats who know he’s incapable of any wrongdoing of any sort. That’s not how this works. It can be 12 liberals, if they agree they can ignore their urge to vomit long enough to consider the facts. The prosecution actually asked “can you all separate believability and likability…”. lol. The prosecution is making excuses FOR Trump’s vile personality. The jurors all agreed, he’s unbelievably unlikable.

TurnItOff!'s avatar

"I demand a jury of my peers! Now where can we find twelve broke grifters who stumbled and racist'ed their way into the Presidency?"

Anzu's avatar

His peers are technically ex presidents and failed businessmen. So we can start with Obama and Bush II. (Carter might not want to fly all the way to NYC at his age.)

Smol Blue Dot's avatar

You forgot the Swiss cheese for a brain.

NoTrueScott's avatar

I personally prefer CLASSIC CHOKE to the NEW CHOKE they tried to sell us

beb's avatar

I think son Eric thought CLASSIC CHOKE meant "Choke the Chicken" so now he has a poultry farm with a bunch of dead chickens.