Have you heard about the terrible financial trials and tribulations of one Roodles McPoodles, the old leaky farting bastard whose name is listed just after Donald Trump’s in the great Georgia election-stealing RICO conspiracy indictment of the century?
WELL.
CNN has an EXCLUSIVE that really reads like Rudy Giuliani leaked it to them his own stinky old self. It says Rudy desperately and personally begged Trump to pay his legal bills, in a meeting at Mar-a-Lago. This happened in “recent months,” CNN says. Rudy and his lawyer Robert Costello thought they could make their case real good if they went to visit Trump personally, CNN says.
It didn’t work, CNN says. :(
Trump allegedly “verbally agreed” to maybe help, but ya know, nothing real specific.
Trump also agreed to stop by two fundraisers for Giuliani, a separate source said.
Mighty generous of the RICO conspiracy mob boss leader for whose benefit all these people were trying to overthrow the Republic.
Another source told CNN that Trump only agreed to cover a small fee from a data vendor hosting Giuliani’s records. And months later, Trump’s Save America PAC paid $340,000 to that vendor, Trustpoint, federal campaign filings show. CNN has now confirmed the payment was intended to settle Giuliani’s outstanding bill with the company.
Maybe that was the end of Trump’s help.
CNN’s story is just full of sadnesses about things Roodles McPoodles cannot afford, for example legal bills in the defamation case against him from Smartmatic voting company. He’s even put an apartment in New York on the market.
And apparently people close to (notorious cheapass) Trump are shocked he is so reluctant to pony up the bucks for this man Poodles McNoodles whoooooo coouuuuuullllld soooooo eaaaaaaaaasilyyyyy FLIIIIIIIPPPPP ONNNNNNNNNNN HIMMMMMMMMMMM.
“Those in Trump’s inner circle” are just saying.
![Rudy Giuliani Explains To Jack Smith All The [TRUMP] Reasons [TRUMP] He Should Not Be Charged [TRUMP]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!z1Oz!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff52b766f-ca33-45ca-bede-d29c43faa09c_600x307.png)
Again, Oodles McDoodles is indicted in Georgia. He voluntarily queened out for a day (legal term) with Special Counsel Jack Smith earlier in the summer about all the reasons he should definitely not catch federal charges.
“It’s not a smart idea” for Trump to refuse to pay Giuliani’s legal fees, one person close to the situation told CNN, referencing how Trump’s relationship with Michael Cohen famously deteriorated while he was investigated by special counsel Robert Mueller.
Whosoever is CNN’s source here? It is a Nancy Drew mystery.
JoeMyGod tells us to watch this hilarious comedy video from “Inside Edition” of Rudy just fucking LOSING it about everything:
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT RACKETEERING?” Rudy shouts, because of how back when he was a respected man, before he was a national punchline — long time ago, but true! — he basically pioneered the use of RICO statutes as a US attorney to bring down massive criminal organizations like the one Donald Trump now leads.
The rest of the video is about how Rudy is indicted and poor and his life is terrible. Like we said, it’s a comedy.
Read that link about Rudy pioneering the RICO, though. It’s from Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, and it’s a good chronicling of how far he’s fallen to rock bottom. It also kind of debunks the idea that RICO is only supposed to be for organized crime, since it talks about how Giuliani famously utilized it to go after securities fraud. (Rudy himself sorta tries to make that argument here, that it can’t be for “election disputes.” It’s a bad argument, and it should feel bad.)
And now Fulton County, Georgia, DA Fani Willis is using it to go after massive criminal conspiracies to overthrow entire countries. Neato!
If you just want more video of Rudy being sad and pathetic, watch this clip from Newsmax, where he alleges that after Willis interviewed him, she begged to meet with him, because she’s always wanted to meet with him, because of how great and impressive he is. Did you know she did that? She did that. She probably had tears in her eyes at the time.
ONE MORE THING!
Incidentally, Rudy is also a main character in a lawsuit brought by some California fruit-and-nut farmers named Baldev and Kewel Munger — yes, farmers of the fruits and the nuts named Baldev and Kewel Munger — who sank $1 million into investing in a “documentary” that Rudy was going to make and release before the 2020 election, which would expose THE TRUTH of what Joe and Hunter Biden did in Ukraine. The movie was going to be a “possible ‘kill shot’” to Biden’s candidacy, according to this lawsuit. Ohhhhh you betcha.
Insider:
[Giuliani and his partners] "all represented that they possessed key documents that were 'smoking guns' that would establish that the Ukrainian government engaged in a quid pro quo exchange with the Biden family to benefit Burisma," the complaint continues.
Baldev and Kewel were gonna get RICH!
"[Giuliani’s partners] represented that this documentary movie was going to be bigger and more profitable than Michael Moore's 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' which earned $200 million at the box office."
And it would be called Barbie.
Wait no, it was not Barbie. Rudy’s movie did not happen.
Baldev and Kewel say Rudy pocketed $300K and his partners pocketed the rest and aw shucks, THAT’LL BE A SUIN’.
To be clear, they are not specifically suing Rudy. They are suing his partners. (Remember of course that Rudy is being sued by his former assistant Noelle Dunphy, for aggravated UUUUUUGHFUCKSOGODDAMNEDFUCKINGGROSS.)
So that is the story of Baldev and Kewel, Rudy’s fruit and nut men.
Wonkette has a solution to Rudy’s financial woes, do you want to hear it?
Rudy should live in prison for the rest of his life. They pay for everything! Except for all the stuff they don’t pay for, but maybe he can sell another apartment to fund his commissary account.
Dunno, fuck it, not our problem.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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The founder of Munger Farms, Lajpat, was an Indian immigrant who began farming in California. He made his fortune and was known for being a philanthropist who gave millions to hospitals, colleges, and other worthwhile recipients. Sad to see his offspring going RWNJ, pissing away a million bucks by giving it to Rudy for a b.s. "documentary" flick. Serves them right to get hustled. Enjoy those legal fees, boys.
As a New Yorker, I reeeeeeeally enjoy Roodles getting RICO'd. But however dumb and silly he's been - and that's plenty dumb and silly - the idea that he begged Trump to pay him is fucking pathetic.
Why would you bet anything on Trump paying a bill? He was a known entity when you were mayor, idiot!