Sad Former Brazilian Strongman Jair Bolsonaro Just Pawning Pricy Gifts For Rent Money, Cab Fare
Oh, and they're prolly Brazilian property, so that's a crime and all.
Poor, poor Jair Bolsonaro. The former Brazilian president and would-be dictator lost power in last year’s election to former president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, and then Bolsonaro’s far-right supporters completely failed to pull off a January-6 style copycat coup to restore him to power, and then he fled to Florida, where he sometimes dined at Mar-a-Lago with another deposed fascist. In June, a Brazilian court banned Bolsonaro from holding office again before 2030, too. At least for a while, after coming to the States, he got to sleep in or near a "Minions"-themed bed at the Orlando home of supporter and former MMA fighter José Aldo.
But as the New York Times reports, Bolsonaro has apparently worn out his couch-surfing welcome, or at least has run short of Airbnb money, because now the poor rainforest-destroying asshole is in all kinds of legal trouble, including an investigation of whether he and some buddies committed embezzlement when they tried to sell off gifts given to him by wealthy foreign admirers.
This month, Brazilian federal police carried out raids as part of an investigation into what it says was a broad conspiracy by Mr. Bolsonaro and several allies to embezzle expensive gifts he received as president from Saudi Arabia and other countries. In one case, authorities accuse Mr. Bolsonaro’s personal aide of selling a diamond Rolex watch and a Patek Philippe watch to a jewelry shop at the Willow Grove Park mall in Pennsylvania last year.
Mr. Bolsonaro ultimately received at least some of the $68,000 from the sale in cash, federal police officials said.
In what should sound like a pretty familiar defense (for a fence), Bolsonaro insisted through an attorney that the watches and jewelry and shit are all his, don’t you see? Bolsonaro attorney Paulo Cunha Bueno told the Times that nobody should care whether he’s selling off “diplomatic gifts,”
because a government panel had previously ruled that much of the jewelry is Mr. Bolsonaro’s personal property, not the state’s. “It’s his right,” Mr. Bueno said. “It doesn’t matter.”
You see, selling off pricy watches and jewels and the Elephant Man’s skeleton is simply a private transaction, like how any of us might casually put their unfortunately large Hot Wheels and My Little Pony collections on eBay. That translucent glitter Funko figure of Lyra Heartstrings the Unicorn has to be worth something, man.
But some Brazilian legal experts say, not so fast, because those gifts are state property, so selling them is NOT simply a way to demonstrate the magic of international friendship.
“To me, it seems very unlikely that the president would not be criminally charged for embezzlement,” said Miguel Reale, Brazil’s former minister of justice under a different president. Such a charge can carry penalties of up to 12 years in prison, he said. “It’s quite a delicate situation for the president.”
The Times story offers a fun synopsis of all the legal troubles facing Bolsonaro since he’s left office, some of which sound strangely familiar, like the claim that he helped orchestrate the coup attempt, and that he tried to rig the vote last year, all of which he denies because mean people are trying to frame him.
But compared to Bolsonaro, our Former Guy looks like a piker, frankly.
Mr. Bolsonaro’s troubles with foreign gifts began in 2021 when Brazilian customs officials seized more than $3 million worth of undeclared jewels from the backpack of a Brazilian government official returning from an official visit to Saudi Arabia. The official said the jewels were a gift from Saudi officials for Mr. Bolsonaro and his wife, Michelle. Mr. Bolsonaro later made several attempts to recover the jewels, according to multiple Brazilian news outlets, including Estadão, which first reported on the seizure.
That case began a federal investigation into Mr. Bolsonaro’s handling of foreign gifts that, according to investigators, has revealed broad embezzlement and money laundering.
In one incident, police officials said, Mr. Bolsonaro’s personal aide, Lt. Col. Mauro Cid, tried to sell an 18-karat gold set from the luxury brand Chopard, including a ring, cuff links and an Arabic rosary, at a Manhattan auction house called Fortuna. In a “Valentine’s Day” auction in February, Fortuna listed the set, which the police said was a gift from the Saudi government, for $50,000, with an estimated value of up to $140,000. It did not sell.
Well that’s way shinier than a chandelier in a restroom, and frankly, Donald Trump should feel more than a little humbled by the sheer glitteriness of Bolsonaro’s grifting.
Oh, and speaking of glitter, it’s a damn shame that Blingee won’t let people create new accounts anymore, because this “PicMix” substitute is a sad imitation:
The Times scrupulously notes that Bolsonaro offered this similarly glittery denial, closing the piece by telling us he has
denied receiving any money from the sales and said that Mr. Cid was acting on his own. “My brand is honesty and always will be,” he said. “There is nothing concrete against me.”
He has a brand. It is an honest brand, and it would be churlish to question it. The very best, most beautiful honesty. Hey! Maybe he and Donald could team up and take their act on the road!
[NYT / NBC News / Photo (cropped): Jeso Carneiro, Creative Commons License 2.0]
Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please subscribe, or if you’d prefer, you can use the button below to make a one-time donation. Also, we were only kidding about selling off our Hot Wheels and My Little Ponies, although we would certainly not dismiss serious offers.
Updated with a sparkly Bolsonaro from a sad Blingee imitator. I miss the real thing; it's kind of a ghost site now. Or at least I couldn't log in.
Ot, I am at the vet with Huck. Her recommendation is to put him down ASAP. She wants to do it today but we are going to wait until Tuesday so we can spend the weekend with him.