Sad Sack Ed Martin Booted From DOJ For Failing To Crush Fuhrer's Enemies
Ed, we barely knew ye, thank God.
Almost exactly one year ago, Attorney General Pam Bondi set up within the Department of Justice something called the Weaponization Working Group, the purpose of which was to investigate everyone who investigated the crimes committed by the Emperor of Our Sun and All the Stars in the Heavens Donald Trump over the last decade. This, in MAGA’s cuckoo Bizarro world, was illegal “weaponization” of the government, particularly by Joe Biden’s administration.
To run this group, Bondi brought on Ed Martin, a man so dumb he won’t use revolving doors because he can never find the knob. Martin was fresh off losing out on the job of US Attorney for Washington DC because he was so terrible that not even Republican Senators, who at the time would confirm a pile of dogshit with an American flag sticking out of it for a Cabinet position if Trump nominated such a pile, would vote to confirm him.
The US Attorney job eventually went to Jeanine Pirro. Imagine being such a terrible candidate for anything that Jeanine Pirro looks qualified by comparison. We would simply walk into the ocean.
Martin was given the Weaponization Working Group as a consolation prize. His job was to climb into the colons of Trump’s enemies in a thorough and sweaty attempt to find any small little thing that could be turned into a criminal investigation. For a minute there, this actually seemed like a worse deal for the country. As an acting US Attorney, Martin had been an annoying little pain as he pursued sitting congressmen for the crime of calling Elon Musk a dick. But that was a high-profile, public-facing job. The Weaponization Working Group would be much more secretive and unobservable. Martin could do some serious damage to people’s lives and not be even remotely accountable for it.
How is that going? Well, after a year Martin has failed to make any of his ginned-up charges stick to anyone because they are such obvious horse-hockey. Federal prosecutors are questioning whether he used “inappropriate tactics” to launch probes of Trump’s enemies. So now, he’s been removed as head of the group and may be on his way out of the DOJ altogether.
Poor Eagle Ed. Looks as if it’s back to Missouri and his old job being the off-brand Phyllis Schlafly.
He tried so hard, too. Remember when he was busted skulking around the outside of Letitia James’s house in a trench coat that looked like the sort of thing perverts wear to flash small children in a park? Presumably he was hoping to peer through some windows and catch James in the act of committing mortgage fraud right at that very moment. He got chased off by a neighbor instead.
That stunt reportedly got him chewed out by Bondi and Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, the latter of whom supposedly loathes Martin and is probably not weeping tears of grief at his departure.
Martin’s departure is likely related to Trump being very mad that the Weaponization Working Group has yet to produce any results, for which he blames Bondi. According to CNN, he has been pressuring DOJ officials to produce some results already. The Wall Street Journal reported that a couple of weeks ago, he chewed out a whole bunch of US Attorneys who had come to the White House for a ceremonial photo shoot.
We blame Pam Bondi for a lot of things as well, because she’s terrible. But she also works for a president who will bring in the most unqualified morons — Lindsey Halligan and Alina Habba come to mind — who are such terrible lawyers that judges are constantly yelling at them and throwing their cases out. Bondi would have more luck if Trump could hire even minimally competent people
Of course, if Trump hired even minimally competent people, Pam Bondi would still be in Florida stealing dogs from small children.
Now, according to CNN, the Weaponization Working Group will meet every day “with the goal of producing results in the next two months.” So we can look forward to more frivolous criminal cases against anyone who so much as looked at Donald Trump cross-eyed during his years in exile at Mar-a-Lago.
Will any of this satisfy Trump? No, it will not. But Bondi is going to keep trying, bless her heart.
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Oh Ed...Arby's is hiring...🤣
VALIDATE DEAR LEADER'S DELUSIONS, ED! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!