Secretary Sh*tfaced Having Embarrassing Week, But Don't Worry, Next Week Might Be Worse
OF COURSE he was blabbing classified information on Signal to his mom. But what's this about a letter coming out next week maybe?
On Wednesday, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was in the briefing room of the White House lying to the American people about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton when news came down that the Wall Street Journal had confirmed what most of us suspected all along, namely that Trump is all over the Epstein files.
But blink and you miss it, another story popped right around the same time, this one involving the utter incompetence and stupidity, possibly criminal, of Pete Hegseth, AKA Secretary Shitfaced, AKA the Christian nationalist Fox News hair gel model Donald Trump unwisely chose to lead the Pentagon.
Let’s take some time on this Friday to shine a light on that story!
Remember when Hegseth blabbed — wet drunkly or dry drunkly, does it matter? — in a Signal chat all our war plans for Yemen, which hadn’t actually been carried out yet? Remember when a reporter from the Atlantic was in that chat? “We’re clean on OPSEC,” Hegseth had bragged in that chat, literally a self-debunking statement because he was saying it in that chat and not through the proper channels. But you could tell he needed to say it, like he was reading his lines, like he felt like a big boy for the first time in a long time, like he couldn’t wait to tell his dad what cool big boy things he was getting to do.
![THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!8rnj!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbb01e885-c6e1-4841-8d3d-4e2eb2dad8a8_1068x606.png)
Perhaps he didn’t know any better. He doesn’t have much military experience, certainly not on the brainy, planning side of things.
But now it comes out that the intel he was blabbing — on two different Signal chats actually — literally came from a document with very clear top secret/classified markings, after he and the rest of the Trump administration have spent all this time insisting that somehow war plans aren’t classified. (As if something like that wouldn’t be inherently obviously classified. But again, he’s way in over his head here.)
In a normal, respectable presidential administration, this news would have led to Hegseth’s firing or resignation by end of day Wednesday, just as the news about his boss in the Epstein files should lead to resignation or impeachment and conviction by the Senate.
But nah, instead it was just Wednesday.
This information is in the hands of the Pentagon’s inspector general, who is investigating Signalgate at the request of members of the Senate Armed Services Committee:
The Pentagon’s independent watchdog has received evidence that messages from Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s Signal account previewing a U.S. bombing campaign in Yemen were derived from a classified email labeled “SECRET/NOFORN,” people familiar with the matter said.
Oh. Now what does that mean?
The strike plans had been shared in a classified email with more than a dozen defense officials by Gen. Michael “Erik” Kurilla, the top commander overseeing U.S. military operations in the Middle East, and then were posted in the unclassified group chats by an account affiliated with Hegseth on March 15, shortly before the United States began attacking Houthi militants, the people familiar with the matter said.
The “SECRET” classification of Kurilla’s email, which has not previously been reported, denoted that the information was classified at a level at which unauthorized disclosure could be expected to cause serious damage to national security. The “NOFORN” label means it also was not meant for anyone who is a foreign national, including senior officials of close allies of the United States.
Classified at a level that suggested disclosure would damage national security. NOFORN for “no foreign nationals,” which is hard to guarantee when you’re just babbling about it on Signal, trying to impress your mom and JD Vance.
Now did Kurilla send it to Pete on Instagram or somewhere else that might have suggested to an extremely inexperienced and immature guy like him that it would be OK to go ahead and tell all his friends about the super big boy real military stuff he was finally being allowed to, despite his utter lack of qualifications? Nooooo, Kurilla sent it the correct way, because it was a very sensitive messages about war plans that hadn’t been carried out yet:
In accordance with government regulations, Kurilla sent his sensitive message over a classified system, the Secret Internet Protocol Router Network, or SIPRNet, four people familiar with the matter said, speaking on the condition of anonymity to avoid reprisal by the Trump administration.
Pentagon spox Sean Parnell is still lying and saying Secretary Drunkbitch didn’t vomit any classified information on Signal, as if we’re all too stupid to understand that war plans for things happening in the future would inherently be classified. But it doesn’t matter what they say, because all Trump administration spokespeople are deceitful trash.
Here is Democratic Rep. Seth Moulton, a person with actual military expertise and experience, making Hegseth look like a little bitch on this very issue just a month ago. Look how pathetic this is:
What came out of those exchanges is that Hegseth thinks it’s OK to respond to these questions by beating the white supremacist tattoos on his low-class chest and saying IT’S NOT CLASSIFIED TO SAY WE KICKED THE HOUTHIS’ ASS, HURR DURRRRRRRRR.
Yeah no. So stay tuned for the continued fallout on that one!
In other, totally related news, word on the street is that there’s a letter being circulated where a number of current Pentagon brass will be calling for Secretary Shitfaced’s swift removal. “Top and mid-level” people, we hear.
Now, the original report comes from the Daily Mail, so grain of salt, but, they say these are their sources:
Three Pentagon officials — two military and one civilian, and each with at least 20 years in the department — spoke on the condition of anonymity.
They also say that this letter won’t come out until — oh wait, the 25th? That’s today! Here’s some long block quoting:
[The sources] described its contents in the meantime - with complaints ranging from politicized decision-making to department-wide dysfunction, low morale, and a climate of paranoia driven by what they describe as Hegseth's obsession with rooting out dissent.
They also pointed to his preoccupation with optics, citing his installation of a makeup studio inside the Pentagon, his staged photo ops lifting weights with the troops, and his new grooming and shaving policy for servicemen.
'He has branded himself the epitome of his so-called 'warrior ethos' that he's always talking about,' one insider said, adding that Hegseth appears to be reshaping the military into 'a cross between a sweat lodge and WWE.'
Sounds like the whole Pentagon is making fun of him.
Two spoke of disdain among many Defense officials about the Secretary's preoccupation with optics — token gestures they said have little to do with defense.
They cited the makeup studio the former Fox News personality and fitness buff had installed at the Pentagon and his insistence on being photographed lifting weights and doing push ups with troops.
'Sure, he wants everyone as fit as he is. But he also wants everyone noticing how he looks,' an insider said.
Yep, they’re making fun of him.
They said the letter decries the Defense Secretary for issuing orders and setting policies without considering — or even hearing — input from intelligence, security and legal advisors.
As all three insiders told us, the letter also cites dysfunction and chaos in the department due to what they said are Hegseth's inattention to, indecision on, and inconsistencies regarding several military matters, big and small.
Those include defining the role the U.S. military should play in space and setting a realistic timeline for building the 'Golden Dome' missile defense system, a top military goal for Trump.
They also include clarifying the channels by which Pentagon personnel should and should not communicate with each other.
Oh that old thing?
There is so much more. There are people making fun of the fact that Shitfaced is worried about policing Black men’s shaving practices (and kicking them out if they don’t comply, because he’s racist trash), what with all the wars and rumors of war. There are people talking about how literally the entire fucking Pentagon thought it was fucking stupid to deploy Marines to Los Angeles. That nobody in the military who’s actually worth anything to the military gives a shit about Hegseth’s war on “woke,” and that his obsession with it is making the military a more racist place. (That’d be the intended effect, of course.) They’re even talking shit about the sicko Nazi Christian prayer services he’s brought to the Pentagon.
If the Daily Mail’s reporting is correct, then the people who orchestrated this letter specifically wanted it coming from active personnel, not retired, and they’re trying to get it out by today, AKA Shitfaced’s six-month mark on the job. We’ll see!
For now, to see what folks in the military think of the dumb, sensitive, bitching and moaning cycle of abuse and masculine insecurities serving as the most embarrassing secretary in the US military’s entire history, you can always read the comments section on the Military Reddit underneath this very Daily Mail article.
A sampling:
“Lethality as a function of material readiness doesn't excite his Christofascist yearnings as much as being assured those drivers have peepees and agree with him.”
“This whole administration is inadequate.... at some point they will start sacrificing each other to stay at the top.”
“That and they're pedo protectors.” [direct reply to previous]
“I think his obsession with finding leakers and wanting to polygraph everyone shows that he can be embarrassed, and that it enrages him.”
“Hit the bottle deeply”
“Team NCO: ‘alright, listen up. We got ol’ boy Kegseth comin’ to do PT with us. AND…he’s gonna have a camera crew with him (troop breathes heavily in background). So let’s make this as painless as possible for all of us! Hoah?! Just all smiles…till he’s GONE, ahright!! As an added consolation, we’re gonna do suicide runs just so you can witness all the Petrone leaving his body. QUICK! Here he comes! All smiles! (Soldier in background: ‘why is he wearing makeup?’)”
Or just this chef’s kiss:
“Drunk reservist shitbag is bad at his job? No way!?”
They hate him so much.
Anyway, as we said, in a normal world, in a government with any professionalism or integrity, in an administration worthy of being called American, Hegseth would be cast out in shame for all this, left to suck cock on the third or fourth tier of wingnut media — like the OAN level, with Matt Gaetz — until God takes him home to heaven, and then realizing the error he’s made, writes “Return to Sender” on his torso next to all the white nationalist tattoos and throws him to hell.
But this is not that America anymore.
Qué será.
[Washington Post / Daily Mail]
Evan has a side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on BlueSky!
Are you guys on Instagram? Let’s get that going.
Follow Evan on Facebook.
This entire administration is a clown car full of drunks, Russian assets, white supremacists and sycophants. Every fucking day proves that there is no bottom.
So a MAGAt dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gate, St. Peter says, "Any questions about life on Earth, now that you're here?" MAGAt: "Yeah, how did Jeffrey Epstein really die?" St. Peter: "My son, he simply committed suicide. It's that simple." MAGAt: "Wow!, the conspiracy goes *this high!*"