Someone Started Hurricane Helene With A Weather Machine, And Marjorie Taylor Greene Is ON IT.

The Georgia congresswoman will not rest until Blofeld or Dr. Evil or whoever has been stopped.

Good news, Congresswoman! We found the culprit!

Gather ‘round, children, and listen to the tale of “Marjorie Taylor Greene and the Amazing Weather Machine.” It really is a shame Warren Zevon Gordon Lightfoot, goddammit, is dead, this could be his next hit. Screw you, “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

Yes, in the horrific wake of Hurricane Helene, North Georgia’s finest mind was on the Website Formerly Known as Twitter suggesting that some mysterious cabal had purposely sent the hurricane spinning across the South, killing a couple of hundred people, wiping out small towns, and causing billions upon billions of dollars in damages. For what purpose? Well, to steal the election, obviously.

That’s the implication, anyway.

First, Greene started off by tweeting out this map, whatever the hell this is:

There is no map key, so we can’t be sure exactly what she thinks we’re really looking at here. But she appears to have taken a map showing the number of customers without power in individual states after Helene passed through, and then overlaid a map showing concentrations of conservative and liberal voters in those states. We guess the blue splotches are the Democratic areas and everywhere else is Republican. And the hurricane passed west of the largest blue splotches in Virginia and the Carolinas, maybe thereby helping those states elect Democrats five weeks from now, we guess?

In the abstract, the scenarios of how the hurricane might affect voting could actually be interesting! Voters have been displaced, polling places have been washed away and authorities will have to scramble to set up new ones. People in rural areas who requested mail-in ballots may not get them if postal delivery is more difficult, if not impossible. As of yesterday at least, there is no “post office.”

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Oh, Right, The Hurricane May Leave North Carolina Elections F*cked, Too

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In two swing states with very narrow margins, those problems could theoretically make the difference in the presidential race or which party controls Congress next year. Or in North Carolina, maybe it could wreck the gubernatorial election and help put masturbating Black Nazi Mark Robinson in the governor’s mansion.

For political scientists and campaign strategists and election modelers, these could be interesting and important questions. In the hands of Marjorie Taylor Greene, however, they are simply hilarious. A few hours after she tweeted the map, she followed up with this:

Yes, they can control the weather.

It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.

We have so many questions for Marge. First, who is the “they” to whom she is referring? Democrats? Jews? SPECTRE? (But we repeat ourselves.)

Second, how do “they” control the weather? Is there some sort of weather machine that “they” have built? Where is this mysterious weather machine located? How does it work? Space lasers? Microwaves? Somehow forcing God to stand in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and twirl as fast as he can until all the water starts spinning in the same direction?

Third, why would “they” want to wreck Asheville, the most liberal area in North Carolina, since the city’s voters could put Democrats over the top in that state? Did the Democrats/Jews/SPECTRE only mean to wipe out parts of Florida, but they lost control of their creation, like Frankenstein and his monster?

Or is she accusing members of her own party of carrying out this dastardly terrorist attack? And if she knew about the weather machine, why did she recently vote against funding FEMA, the governmental agency responsible for coordinating rescue and recovery efforts in the wake of hurricanes? Wouldn’t that have really screwed up “their” plans if FEMA rescued all the voters the weather machine meant to kill and helped all those areas recover quickly?

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What? NC Republicans' Lax Building Standards Meant More Homes Lost In Hurricane? Then This Is No Time For Politics!

Marjorie Taylor Greene Hates When People Bring Up Her Space Lasers Theory So Here’s Another Post About That

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Fourth, did this weather machine help create the tinder-dry conditions in California in order to make the fires started by the Rothschilds with their space laser larger and more deadly? If the weather machine can create droughts, can we also use it to end droughts? Because the Rothschilds have really proven their point with the whole droughts-and-wildfires thing. Maybe someone could talk to them about this.

Fifth, why are we troubling our beautiful brain with logical questions regarding the provenance and usage of the weather machine, considering that the person floating the belief that it exists has a brain made of wet cardboard and spiders?

We hope some reporter asks her about this new theory soon, so she can tell them to fuck off like she did the lady who asked her about the space lasers.

Maybe one of these days Greene could stop with the anti-semitic conspiracy theories and put the blame for extreme weather events wrecking America on abortionists and gaysexuals like a normal Republican.

[MGT’s unhinged Xitter account]

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