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Sorry, Steve Bannon And Neil Cavuto. That WAS James Comer's A-Game.
Republicans hated yesterday's wet turd of a hearing more than we did.
The reviews are in, and the consensus on James Comer’s Deliverance banjo peener-pullin’ Biden impeachment charade hearing is that it was a gigantic wet turd. And no, James, nobody wants to see it, no matter how proud you are of it.
It’s not surprising, considering how the hearing began with Republican impeachment witness Jonathan Turley saying the Republicans didn’t have the evidence to impeach Joe Biden. It went downhill from there.
There were epic locker-stuffing performances by Democrats, and they deserve their own post. (Until Wonkette does that, just go see Aaron Rupar and Acyn on Twitter.) Lotta bangers from the Democrats, and let us just say that the mediocre dumbass Republicans of 2023 are not remotely prepared for the diverse, brilliant, hilarious and kickass Democrats of 2023.
Y’all saw the Republican witness who lost her shit when Maxwell Frost made fun of them to their faces, yeah? When he said Jonathan Turley was only there on his way to his next Fox News hit?
Like we said, BANGER.
That woman was so angry, we are still laughing.
Anyway, we can talk all day about what a failure at life James Comer and Jim Jordan and all the rest of their redundant, interchangeable colleagues are, OR we can quote some Republicans and conservative media saying exactly that.
Let’s take a look!
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Fox News’s Neil Cavuto is the voice of reason sometimes, but he’s still a Fox News anchor. And he was not impressed.
“I don't know what was achieved over these last six plus hours,” he said to begin his show. And he continued:
CAVUTO: [I]t is worth pointing out that none of the witnesses today were fact witnesses. That means that none were involved in the investigation into the alleged activities in the first place. What's more, none of the witnesses testified today of direct knowledge of what Republicans have been claiming about Joe Biden. In other words, that this — the way this was built up, where there's smoke there would be fire — again, I'm not a lawyer, and I'm going to be talking to some darn smart ones in a moment — but where there's smoke today, we just got a lot more smoke.
Well, you know what they say in Kentucky, it’s that where there’s smoke it’s probably just James Comer squattin’ over his own pootin’ clouds with a Zippo and goin’ “HEEEEEEEEEEHNNNNNNNGH!” And that’s bound to make more smoke, we reckon.
Cavuto said the best thing Republicans could say about their hearing was that they were going to be getting some more Joe Biden bank records. Which is exactly the same thing Comer has been saying this entire fucking time. That lazyass is always gonna have evidence to show you next time. Even Fox News is over his shit.
CAVUTO: When you begin to trumpet what you have as the beginning of an explosive inquiry into the president of the United States to potentially remove him from office, you would think you would bring your A-game.
Neil, that was James Comer’s A-game.
Also not understanding that you go to impeachment with the James Comer you have, not the James Comer you WISH you had, was Steve Bannon.
We cannot believe we are about to say this about that decomposing pile of fly-covered dogshit, but bless his heart.
STEVE BANNON: We didn’t bring our best, no.
Regretfully, you did.
BANNON: Bring out the artillery. Did you break any news today? Did — have another revelation? Did Nightly News have to grab, did Lester Holt have to go because you forced it because it's a forcing function? Exactly something they have to touch? Because it's such a revelation? Oh my God, we have got to go with this. Did you do that? Comer? Jordan?
Did Bannon think that was a possibility?
BANNON: If you're going to impeach a president of the United States, act like it's serious.
That was them being serious.
BANNON: Do you know what this looked like today? Let me be blunt. This looked like it was slapped together because you had to have a performance for the MAGA crowd that breathes through their mouths.
Nods head, yep, we watched the same hearing.
BANNON: Right? We are sitting here with bib, overalls, and pitchforks.
BANNON: Right? And straw hats.
Don’t forget meth, a truck full of fireworks, and a cousin who’s gonna just spit if we’re late to the gender reveal cow-tippin’ contest.
BANNON: We're looking, yeah, the — Biden’s is a bad guy, let's get him. That's what it looked like.
Uh huh … OK we don’t know how to keep going with this Bannon clip, he’s just saying true things.
The point is Bannon hated it.
And it sounds like Republican congressional leadership and staff hated it too:
Sherman was responding there to Rep. Jared Moskowitz saying during the hearing that “As a former director of emergency management, I know a disaster when I see one.”
How bad was it? Jamie Raskin said on CNN last night that Republicans on the floor told him that the right wing is creating a conspiracy theory that Kevin McCarthy set this hearing up to fail, “because he didn’t want to proceed with impeachment. They couldn’t believe that such a disaster would just happen by accident.”
Y’all, that’s how poorly this went over for their side.
If any Republicans besides Comer actually tried to pretend this went well — aside from Sean Hannity dutifully reporting for his shift at the gloryhole last night, surprising exactly no one — we didn’t see it.
(Judge Boxwine did say a weird thing about how you’re not supposed to “blow the wad OR the witness at the inquiry” — REAL QUOTE — but we are not sure exactly how to take that.)
Gentle readers, yesterday, we saw the pinnacle of James Comer’s abilities. And quite frankly, most of the GOP caucus is stupider and more incompetent than he is, so don’t go thinking about swapping in a new guy at halftime.
This is what happens when you gerrymander yourselves into power and let the most disturbed MAGA lunatics in the country decide who’s winning the Republican primaries for Congress.
The congressmen get dumber, and dumber, and dumber, and dumber, until one day you look back and go “Huh, compared to these guys Louie Gohmert and Devin Nunes were gentlemen and scholars!”
Thoughts and prayers.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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