Dear Jesus, do you have payment plans? [contextly_sidebar id="e4UWGBXrPXyQy6jmsESTrAwIWPcf2eNC"]Uh oh, the phone is ringing all day at the Cruz household, and it's coming from an unknown number. And nobody wants to pick it up, because it's the collection agency Jesus sent after one Canadian Ted Cruz, otherwise known as "God's
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!” - George Carlin
Ted's response to this charge was "I'm a Christian first, an American second, a conservative third and a Republican fourth. ". Think how many heads would explode if a Muslim or Jewish candidate said this!
Protestant funerals talk about the deceased being in a better place and free from suffering. At my Irish Catholic grandmother's funeral, the sermon was basically, "Whatever's happening to her right now is going to go on for eternity, and we don't know if it's good or bad, but you still have a chance, so straighten up and fly right."
hmmmm... something about that photo at the top....
Bi-sectarian.
Newt knows Jesus is old enough to mop up the cafeteria at Eternity Junior High, give the lad some appreciation for sacrifice....
Recently defeated David Vitter, line two..
She's in a Showhole...
Planets in the afterlife ain't cheap...
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!” - George Carlin
...especially after Jesus drove the money-changers from the temple.
Bird Libelz!
Ted's response to this charge was "I'm a Christian first, an American second, a conservative third and a Republican fourth. ". Think how many heads would explode if a Muslim or Jewish candidate said this!
damn tootin'! Julián and Joaquin.,, I can hardlywait~
Off Topic, but appropriate: For Christ's sake when will there be a new God damn "Sunday with the Christianist" column Dok?
According to a woman who claims she gave Ted his first blow job in high school, he is cut, also, too not that big.
Wait. So now he's Neo?
I'm surprised they let him stay in the Republican party.
Protestant funerals talk about the deceased being in a better place and free from suffering. At my Irish Catholic grandmother's funeral, the sermon was basically, "Whatever's happening to her right now is going to go on for eternity, and we don't know if it's good or bad, but you still have a chance, so straighten up and fly right."