Step Right Up, Trump Has A Phone Grift!
And this one is especially dumb. Which is saying a lot!
Is there anything dumbshit MAGA won’t buy?
There were the Trump sneakers, now you can buy them at Walmart dot com for $65.99 and the seller will even throw in a free hat! Trump FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT cologne and ladies’ perfume, did we ever find out what they smell like? Hamberders and flop sweat, if we had to guess.
Bibles! Trading cards with scraps of the suit he was wearing when he was shot, reliquary not provided, for suckers who buy at least $4,653 worth of his NFTs! All his crypto-griftos, and real estate! Gold-plated watches where the “T” falls off!
LOL, these morons.
And now, the gold phone. Let’s have a gander at its typo-ridden, nonsensical specs. The phone is, of course, not actually being made yet.
The ad claims the phone will be made in America, but there’s no factory in America that manufactures phones. There’s no single factory anywhere that manufactures entire phones, because they have more than like 400 separate components. Sill, Don Junior went on the Benny Johnson show to announce that the entire phone will be built in St. Louis, by Americans. Yep, he is going to build an entire phone factory, or a few hundred of them, so Americans can make every single part. And they are going to do that in time to ship phones in August, or maybe in September, depending on if you are looking at the press release or the website.
That will sure be impressive, Junior!
What the base phone actually will be is hard to say, because the example photo is a poorly Photoshopped creation. Check out that home button! Photoshop better, Big Balls!
And the specs are very confusing. Is the display 6.8 inches or “6.78”? It lists a “5,000mAh long life camera” but mAh refers to the power of a battery. It says the storage is 12 GB of RAM. What is a "Punch-Hole AMOLED display”? Those are two different things, punch-hole refers to how the camera is housed, and AMOLED is a type of display, so maybe they are trying to say it has a front-facing camera? Unclear. AI definitely did not write this, because AI would have done a better job.
Hope Junior figures out the difference between batteries, memory, storage and displays before he builds all of those factories, or things might get real confusing. And the phone has a headphone jack? How retro! Does that mean it doesn’t have Bluetooth? Maybe not, the ad doesn’t promise that it will!
Oh, and the press release says the phone comes with Telehealth services and virtual medical care too. What? Who shall be providing that? It’s a surprise!
The phone itself costs $499, and the service is $47.45 a month. Get it? The service piggybacks off of existing carriers, but the branding is priceless, of course.
Are you sold yet? You can put in your order now for $100. Or you can try to! Joseph Cox, 404 Media reporter tried it, got an error page, and then his credit card got charged for $67.40. Then he was sent a link to TrumpMobile dot com to make changes to his account, and got an error message there too. These people can’t even grift money competently, eesh.
So what is this phone, actually, assuming it will resemble what is in the picture? Online phone experts have done a little sleuthing, and market analyst Max Weinbach thinks he has figured it out.
If true, you can buy that phone right now on Amazon, for $169, LOL.
Remember when Pablo Escobar’s brother licensed his name for Escobar-branded phones and flamethrowers? Could you even believe it turned out to be a scam targeted to the dumbest idiots that just took everybody’s money?
What if this mysterious phone also turns out to be a scam, and does not live up to your expectations? Tough shit! Just like your vote last November, there shall be no refunds!
There are more ethical vendors selling knockoff purses out of a trunk in an alley. That Birkin may be vinyl, but at least you actually possess it.
Obligatory to say, investing in telecom when one is the President and in charge of the entire FCC is a disgusting in-your-face conflict of interest. It is illegal and it is unconstitutional, or it would have been before the Supreme Court made Trump a lawless God. Wouldn’t it have been nice if the Supreme Court enforced the emoluments clause the first time he violated it, back when he licensed that burnt-steak roach motel across the street from the White House?
Since taking office the second time, Trump has now literally more than doubled his net worth. His first term was mild palm-greasing compared to this, which is now just Trump in one of those cash-grab booths that blow money around, frantically stuffing every dollar he can grab in his pocket. What else can he slap his name on and sell, what is even left? Male-performance supplements, perhaps?
Whatever it is, somebody will buy it!
One of the many perks of having supporters who are the dumbest people alive.
I pity the Gen-Z'er that is going to have to try to troubleshoot memaw's Trumphony device... she's calling her granddaughter over land-line because where even are the buttons and why is pressing the decal at the bottom of the screen not working and even though she's tried she can't directly connect to that dear Donnie in the White House.
Trump Cell Phone System Name:
TACO Bell