Trump Pretty Sure His Voters Will Buy His $199 Cologne Without Even Knowing What It Smells Like

Because of how he thinks they are suckers.

Last week, Donald Trump reportedly sold out of Victory, his official fragrance, the male version of which featured a tiny gold replica of his head.

In response, he’s already released a new fragrance, this one called “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” and is selling it online only for $199. That’s certainly a choice just a month after campaigning on the economy being terrible and everything being too expensive!

Now, that is a pretty pricey perfume — not like, Tom Ford pricey, but definitely Chanel/Dior pricey. For comparison, I think my most expensive fragrance is probably the Maison Margiela Replica in Jazz Club, which was $165. (Manly, yes, but I like it too!)

Of course, the thing that separates Donald Trump’s fragrances from any other fragrance in that price range is that it’s relatively easy to find out what those fragrances smell like — whereas GetTrumpColognes.com has absolutely no description of what the men’s cologne smells like, and barely any description at all of what the women’s perfume smells like.

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Here is how the men’s cologne is described:

Introducing FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT - FOR MEN, the bold new fragrance from Trump Fragrances. For Patriots who never back down, like President Trump. This scent is your rallying cry in a bottle. Featuring Trump’s iconic image and raised fist, this limited-edition cologne embodies strength, power, and victory.

Crafted for those who stand tall, this bold scent delivers rich, robust notes that leave a lasting impression. It’s not just a cologne—it’s a symbol of resilience. Inspired by Trump’s relentless drive, wear it with pride and confidence.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT COLOGNE: For men who fight to win and never surrender.

Shipping NOW. Makes the perfect Christmas gift!

What does it smell like? No one knows! But if it smells anything like how those who have been in the near vicinity of Donald Trump describe, it’s not good. Asked by Jimmy Kimmel to describe Trump’s “pungent odor,” Adam Kinzinger responded “So, if you take, like, armpits, ketchup, makeup and a little butt, it’s probably like that, all mixed up” — which sounds bad! MSNBC’s Alex Wagner said, "He smells like cooking oil," which is slightly better but not much. Former "Apprentice" staffer Noel Casler said that Trump was known to wear a diaper, and occasionally did not change himself often enough and smelled pretty bad because of that.

If I had to guess, I would just assume that his fragrance would be something like a less pleasant version of Senyoko’s Hora de la Verdad — a scent based on Ernest Hemingway’s Death in the Afternoon that is meant to smell like bullfighting and blood, and which reportedly smells like a “rotting bull carcass full of urine and feces.”

The description of the women’s fragrance isn’t especially clear either:

Introducing FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT - FOR WOMEN, the empowering new Perfume from Trump Fragrances. For women who embody strength and grace, like President Trump. This scent is your call to action. With Trump’s iconic image and raised fist, this limited-edition perfume represents confidence, resilience, and victory.

Crafted for those who rise to every challenge, this elegant scent blends delicate floral notes and a burst of citrus for an elegant finish. Presented in a stunning white and gold bottle, it’s more than a fragrance—it’s a symbol of determination. Inspired by Trump’s unwavering spirit, wear it as a reminder to take on the world with poise.

Oh, floral notes and a burst of citrus? Just general flowers and general citrus, because obviously all of those things smell alike? I have to tell you, if you are not a person who generally pays much attention to fragrances, this is a very bad description of one. It also makes very little sense — citrus notes are top notes (what you smell first) and florals are middle notes (what you smell second). But I digress.

There is literally only one population of people in the entire world, I suspect, who would actually go and spend $199 on a fragrance that, not only have they never smelled before, but which hasn’t even been described to them, and those are people who would vote for Donald Trump. They don’t care how it smells! If it smells like rotting fish heads or acetone or Thierry Mugler’s Angel! They just want an opportunity to give Donald Trump $200 of their money in exchange for one of his crap products, just to show their loyalty to him.

In fact, it’s likely that all he had to do to sell it to them aside from “simply exist” was to “totally own” Jill Biden in his little Truth Social post about the product.

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Truly, they are the easiest marks in the world. They’re the same people who buy Jim Bakker food buckets and (formerly) Alex Jones supplements. At this point, I think they’d buy anything, regardless of the cost, if they thought for one second that it might piss off some liberal somewhere — even if it made them smell bad.

Of course, we are talking about people who were outraged by COVID restrictions designed to ensure that their fellow human beings didn’t get sick and die. Do we really think they care at all about how they smell?

OPEN THREAD.

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