This is Ted Cruz's sex face. Last night, while I was kind of half asleep and watching True Blood, a miracle happened on the internet. Ted Cruz, or whoever was managing Ted Cruz's Twitter account in the middle of the night, liked a porn video (link NSFW!). On Twitter. From the account Sexuall Posts, with two Ls. Where everyone could see. Everyone, it seems, had a very good time, and I am very sad that I missed it.
I don't know that Ted jerking off will make Ted go blind, but me seeing Ted (even if it is in my mind), I'll go blind. And, that is what makes Cruz so evil. It's the polar bear thing and he KNOWS it!
You've missed the entire creepy "incest" theme of the porno. The woman who walks in is the mom, & the one fucking is her daughter. I gather that the "mother" joins in later.
Fear not, for I have intrepidly watched the full porno. The Not-Heidi Cruz stand-in walks into her house where she finds her step-daughter and boyfriend engaged in nekkid shenanigans on the sofa. Of course, what makes the sequence sadly unbelievable -- because people *never* shriek or anything when they stumble upon their family members doing sexstuff -- is the fact that Not-Heidi Cruz doesn't even hide before wanking (camera angles, donchaknow?) yet her step-daughter -- who keeps looking at the camera -- never spots her. What has become of porn production values these days?
I never understood what anyone saw in any of those people. How could you call that slate deep in any way other than deep in derp?
Just think, them and more will be running in 2020! God, we are so fucked.
As long as she's wearing a plastic glove, he's fine with a handmaid.
One of my favorite scenes from the campaign.
I don't know that Ted jerking off will make Ted go blind, but me seeing Ted (even if it is in my mind), I'll go blind. And, that is what makes Cruz so evil. It's the polar bear thing and he KNOWS it!
He was fantasizing about being the guy driving by and pulling in four doors down and wondering what his neighbors were up to.
You've missed the entire creepy "incest" theme of the porno. The woman who walks in is the mom, & the one fucking is her daughter. I gather that the "mother" joins in later.
Truly. It's like being that one arsehole who asks why the pizza guy's dick doesn't get burnt when he pokes it through the hot pizza.
Fun fact (for a given value of "fun"); the most used search words in porn is step mom/sister. Yay Murica, stay weird.
I though Cruz's favorite porn was watching the country get fucked over...
Fear not, for I have intrepidly watched the full porno. The Not-Heidi Cruz stand-in walks into her house where she finds her step-daughter and boyfriend engaged in nekkid shenanigans on the sofa. Of course, what makes the sequence sadly unbelievable -- because people *never* shriek or anything when they stumble upon their family members doing sexstuff -- is the fact that Not-Heidi Cruz doesn't even hide before wanking (camera angles, donchaknow?) yet her step-daughter -- who keeps looking at the camera -- never spots her. What has become of porn production values these days?
He's a proud C.H.U.D.-American.
It's the only kind of fucking he enjoys.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c...
He'll get such a stiff penalty it'll be hard for him to erect a defense.
[you rooned it! (sn) ]
wasn't he trying to ban dildos, I mean sexual adaptive devices?