Ted Cruz Hates Mitch McConnell For Losing Midterms, Should Probably Hate Himself Instead

Everybody hates Ted Cruz anyway, he might as well join the club.

Ted Cruz is pissed off! You know how you might personally feel if, for instance, Donald Trump were to say your wife was ugly and that your father may have assassinated JFK? Imagine how you might feel if that happened, and you might understand how angry Ted Cruz is about something entirely different. ( Ted Cruz says he wasn't that upset when those specific things happened to him.)

Cruz is raging at Mitch McConnell, whose fault it is that the Republicans broke their dicks off inside the midterms and ran away. (It is popular for Republican idiots to try to deflect blame to McConnell right now. And of course, he is to blame, but not for the reasons they say.)

 Cruz was on his podcast this weekend, and he just bitched and moaned and drank White Claw about it. (See above.) We're not going to spend too much time on things that should be between Ted and his therapist, but here are a few quotes:

“Let me start off by saying I am so pissed off, I cannot even see straight.

Told you he's pissed.

"We had an extraordinary opportunity. We had a generational opportunity. This should have been a fundamental landslide election.

This is what happens when people set unreasonable expectations that fail to take into account that all normal patriotic Americans despise the Republican Party and can't wait to watch it self-destruct.

“We should have won the House and the Senate. We should have a 30, 40, 50 vote majority in the House. We should have 53, 54, 55 Republicans in the Senate.

“And instead, holy crap, the Democrats keep the Senate. Worse than that, the Democrats potentially grow their majority in the Senate.

Ha ha, yep, we are going to grow our majority. Right after Raphael Warnock beats the living shit out of the braindead guy sitting next to some extremely awkward nodding guy right here. 

“look at Ted Cruz nodding along to this Herschel Walker rant”

— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1668126963 

So weird.

Anyway:

“Worse than that, yes, we take the House, but at best we’re gonna take the House with a couple of seats. Maybe there is an outside chance we lose the House. I don’t think we will. I think the numbers are enough that we will hold onto the House.

“The rage Americans are feeling across this country. The rage that I’m feeling, there are almost no words to describe it, because this opportunity was screwed up. It was screwed up badly, and the people that are gonna pay the price are the American people.

The raaaaaaaaaage . Ted Cruz is full of raaaaaaaaaage . You wouldn't like him when he is raaaaaaaaage .

“The country is screwed for the next four years. Because of this, we’re gonna see horrible Left wing judges confirmed for the next two years, because of this. “We’re gonna see judges taking away our free speech rights, our religious liberty rights, our Second Amendment rights. It is an enormous missed opportunity.

Fuck yeah, if Ted says so.

And I gotta say — it is hard to describe my feelings as anything other than rage.

 Raaaaaage .

“If you look at this last cycle, Mitch McConnell pulled the money out of Arizona. We could have won — won Arizona. We nearly won Arizona and abandoning Blake Masters was indefensible.

“Because Masters said he would vote against Mitch McConnell, and so Mitch would rather be leader than have a Republican majority.

“If there’s a Republican who can win, who’s not gonna support Mitch, the truth of the matter is he’d rather the Democrat win. So he pulled all the money out of Arizona.”

Blake Masters was an absolute clownfuck of a candidate, possibly the worst Republican running for the Senate, and he lost Arizona by five full points. Blake Masters was never going to win Arizona. Everybody hates that guy, almost as much as everybody hates Ted Cruz.

OK, that's enough of Ted's whining, because there is a punchline, are you ready for the punchline?

The headline at the Daily Beast is that Ted Cruz just might be the biggest loser of all, because it looks like the House candidates supported by Cruz-associated PACs are the most losing-est losers of the midterms, even more than all Donald Trump's losers. 

Cruz focused his support on House races, most specifically 24 of the 25 candidates participating in his “ Cruz 25 for 22 Victory Fund ” joint fundraising committee. Of the 24 candidates, only nine won their races. The group features just one of Cruz’s fellow senators, Mike Lee, who won his re-election bid after putting down a surprisingly tough challenge from independent candidate Evan McMullin.

The Cruz-tied “Truth and Courage” super PAC did even worse. The group, which openly aligns with Cruz— to a possibly unlawful degree —only won one of the three races that it funded. That would be the victory Rep.-elect Cory Mills scored over Karen Green in an open seat in Florida.

The Daily Beast further explains that Cruz has ties to another joint fundraising committee for the Senate that had five candidates in it. Only three won, and of those, Katie Britt and JD Vance come from the red states of Alabama and Ohio, respectively. The other winner was Ted Budd. The losers? Adam Laxalt in Nevada and loser Dr. Fucking Oz in Pennsylvania.

In other words, in the tougher races, all Ted's picks came up losers.

But sure, Ted, rage a whole bunch at Mitch McConnell and spend the next three weeks in Georgia "helping" Herschel Walker.

Chuck Schumer appreciates it, we are sure.

[ JoeMyGod / Daily Beast ]

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