THE PANTS POOPER. Tabs, Wed., June 24, 2026
Morning news roundup and DETROIT PARTY INFO!
Hello of loves. First, some personal business! If I saw you at a Wonkparty in the last two months and told you I might have lung cancer and am sad — I was not being hypochondriacal, this time, I have a honkin’ nodule! — it looks like I DON’T and now I’M NOT. So I can stop lying on my bed feeling sorry for my poor futurely motherless girls and also stop pretending I’m going to ever write a book about all the things I would have taught them in person if I hadn’t gone and fictionally DIED. What time is it? It’s time for a WONKPARTY (METRO) DETROIT!
Your friends Kay Ducky and Up Here in the Clouds have planned this one, which means I didn’t have to! Yay Kay Ducky and Clouds! I’m still buying though. SATURDAY, June 27, noon-2 p.m., at Gator Jake’s in Sterling Heights at 16 Mile and Van Dyke. They have a patio, pool tables, and possibly Ms PacMan! I will see you there with bells on!
Parties upcoming! MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!
Now it is time when we tabs.
Hmmmm, sure seems like a lot of Republican senators Trump boned no longer want to save him from himself. In this case, we’re talking about his stupid fucking Iran war! (Gift link New York Times)
A professor Senator Edubs Warren housing bill banning private equity from buying houses PASSED the Senate? Well how dee fucking do! (AP)
I made Dok take an Algae Zera pun out of a hed yesterday (you’re welcome) but I am not the boss of the Fucking News so I could not save you from Al Gaeda. (The Fucking News) Shockingly, instead of terrorists, “doing a bad job” is why the paint is peeling, says science. (Scientific American)
I mean, yeah.
Imagine that President Trump pooped his pants, right there in the Oval Office. Then imagine that rather than simply not talking about it and moving on — it’s pretty embarrassing, after all — he sent out a series of angry late-night Truth Social posts about how not only didn’t he poop his pants but actually delivered into his pants a serving of the finest beluga caviar, and no one has ever seen pants so delicious. Then imagine that in the face of incontrovertible evidence that he did in fact poop his pants, he kept talking about the pants-pooping, moving on to spin a deranged theory claiming that a dark conspiracy of leftists had snuck into the White House and planted the poop right there in his pants.
All the Jews I know are sick of Netanyahu, but I don’t know any Republican Jews or Israeli Jews, so who can say really? (Mediaite)
Keep Wonkette alive FOREVER!
The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let me know if you want the newsletter subscription too! Paypal won’t automatically sign you up for the newsletter! — or we have a Patreon too.
The world doesn’t trust us, news at 11, and they used to, which is news at 11! (Pew Research)
So many Americans wrongly believe Joe Biden overturned Roe v. Wade, when according to Susan Collins it was actually Chuck Schumer who overturned Roe v. Wade! Shakes fist CHUUUUCK. (Joe. My. God)
Joe Biden and Chuck Schumer probably also ruled this week that disabled or minority voters who are discriminated against have no “private right of action” (cannot sue for redress to fix the discrimination), probably. (NPR)
Oh here’s four things the Court ruled on that I guess we should know about even though I don’t want to. (Chris Geidner at Law Dork)
Traditional housewives mostly would like to work but can’t afford the childcare, I feel like I remember Joe Manchin fucking childcare, oh right because that’s exactly what happened. Anyway, people poor, yo. (Atlantic)
A very strange accounting of the not-ready-for-any-time “tribunal” startup this Peter Thiel freako wants to sic on journalists. (The Hollywood Reporter)
Eh, I feel like the restored Parthenon still looks like shit, I’m probably wrong though. (Yahoo!)
TWOO CWIME! From some dumb Life of the Epstein as a Young Man thing, I started wondering about Leopold and Loeb. Goodness, guess they weren’t such Supermen after all! (Wik)
Have you sent Wonkette to a friend today?
Bookshop.org is the anti-Amazon, a certified B-corp partnering with local bookstores. Here’s our Bookshop affiliate link, when you buy books, Wonkette gets 10 percent. You can search any old book from that page and it will count. Buy all the books!
This is the button for giving us all your extra money (ONLY IF IT IS EXTRA) but with Venmo!
Your hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/spotty-belly-nibbles
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/38bcd5a8-32d8-4ce1-8a3b-5e323ff0b803?utm_source=share
Well shit, the PBS American Experience Documentary Stonewall Uprising suddenly is no longer available to watch on PBS! It has also been made unavailable on their YouTube channel. Only available by renting it on Prime. Now if I were a suspicious type I would find this very suspicious considering this is the final week of Pride. I have to scramble and find something else for us to watch. ETA: Thanks to the Estivating Hibernian who found an Internet Archive link we are back on for Stonewall Uprising this Saturday.