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Leonora Carrington is your hed gif artist today. I find her Surrealist paintings and sculpture mysterious and intriguing. Learn more about her and her fascinating life here: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/the-feminine-surrealism-of-leonora

M'Hael's avatar

INCOMING DOWNER

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The Midlife Crisis that's been hanging out on the doorsteps of my mind for the past year or so, constantly ringing the doorbell and banging on the door, got itself a new toy this past weekend: a fucking battering ram, gifted to it by recent events and my impending half-century birthday.

You see, I spent Saturday at another Celebration of Life. This time it was for the VERY recently deceased father of one of my closest friends. This was a literal week after my own mother's CoL.

As I took the 90+ minute drive home through various mostly backwoods Noweherevilles, I just kept thinking, "Is this what my life is going to be now?" Now that I'm hitting 50 at the end of the year (Gods willing and all that), is this what the year holds now? Another death, another funeral, me or my wife or another friend trying to navigate tragedy, loss, and heartache?

And how much time left do *I* even really have? My mom was only 19 years and some change older than me, and now she's gone. My birth-father died over a decade ago. Twenty years is nothing. It's a blip, an eye blink in a lifetime. How can I - a no one from nowhere with no wealth or power - do anything meaningful in and to the world in that time?

I'm trying SO, so hard not to let *waves hands around* all of THIS get to me so much, but... just God-DAMN man... why does the fucking world have to be on fire at the same time I'm dealing with the worst inner demons in my life?

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