Those Cakes We Like … Are Having a Celebratory Afternoon Tea

It's a very British tradition.

Well, I did promise that if Fani Willis dropped another indictment on Trump by mid-August I’d give you a double recipe, and I am a woman of my word. Plus, it was such a nice indictment; it even came with a free mug shot.

Today’s recipes are British classics, perfect for the Afternoon Tea we’re all stereotypically depicted as sitting down to enjoy at 4pm on the dot each day (we really don’t). It’s two variations of the classic British Scone; a savoury cheese version, and the classic buttermilk variety served with clotted cream and strawberry jam.

From what I can work out, our scones are pretty similar to the American “biscuits” (over here biscuits are something completely different, closer to what you call cookies). Scones have been around since at least the early 1500s, with the first recorded reference to them in print attributed to a Scottish poet in 1513. Yes, us English stole them from Scotland — we tend to do that a lot. Scones were originally made with oats and griddle baked over an open fire; these days they’re made with flour and baked in the oven. They’re a quintessential summer treat over on this side of the pond, and disagreements over the correct layering of the jam and clotted cream can lead to outbreaks of violence depending on which side of the river Tamar you’re on. I’m with the Cornish on this one; jam first, then cream. Although this is more because of the sheer amount of cream I like to have on my scones, the jam would just slide right off the top — nobody wants that.

My grandmother always used to make a savoury version with plenty of cheese. Grandma would serve her cheese scones plain with generous amounts of butter, but you can also top them with more cheese, ham, salmon and cream cheese, or just about any savoury filling you can think of.

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Your carbohydrates for these little treats are as follows:

Buttermilk scones:  468g for the entire batch, 46.8g per scone (recipe makes 10 scones). Add 14g per tbsp of jam you use to top them with.

Cheese scones: 177g for the entire batch, 29.5g per scone (recipe makes 6 scones), most of the things you’d top these with have negligible amounts of carbohydrates, just check the packaging.

You’ll need to make your jam and clotted cream a couple of days in advance, see my Note for instructions.

Equipment wise you won’t need much, your trusty electric scales, a large bowl, a jug, a baking sheet, a 6cm circular pastry cutter (smooth or crinkle cut is fine), and a rolling pin.

If you haven’t already got a set of electric scales and are interested in having a go at baking then I 100 percent recommend you get some, they’re not very expensive and will make things much easier for you. You can use this handy Amazon linky to help fund Wonkette and keep the cakes coming.

Buttermilk Scones Ingredients:

450 g self-raising flour (or all purpose flour with 1 tsp baking powder added for every 100g of flour)

¼ tsp salt

100 g cold butter, diced (unsalted, or leave out the ¼ tsp of salt)

85g sugar

250 ml buttermilk (or add juice from ½ a lemon to 250ml milk and leave for 10 minutes)

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 egg, beaten (this is for brushing the scones with before baking)

Place your baking tray into your oven and preheat to 200C/400F.

In your large bowl combine the flour, salt, and butter. Rub these together with your fingertips until the mixture looks like fine breadcrumbs (or put them in a food processor and pulse until you achieve this texture). Mix in the sugar.

Add the vanilla essence to the buttermilk and gently warm in the microwave (or in a pan on the stove top), you want this to be slightly warmer than skin temperature, I find 20 seconds in the microwave on full power is enough.

Pour your warm buttermilk mix into the bowl with your dry mixture and use a butter knife to quickly mix it together, be careful not to overmix. You should end up with a loose and lumpy looking dough.

Tip the dough onto a floured surface and gently bring the dough together a couple of times. Using your rolling pin, gently roll the dough out until it is around 3-4cm (roughly 1 ½ inches) thick. Now use your pastry cutter to stamp out rounds. Brush the tops with beaten egg, and place onto the hot baking tray. Bake in the oven for 10-12 minutes.

 Remove from oven, place on a cooling rack. Once cooled, serve with plenty of jam and a generous serving of clotted cream. You’ll thank me later, your arteries probably won’t.

Cheese Scones Ingredients:

225 g self-raising four  (or add 1 tsp baking powder per 100 g all purpose flour)

1 tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

½ tsp garlic salt

2 tsp English mustard (or 1 ½ tsp mustard powder)

55 g cold butter, diced

100g strong/mature cheddar, finely grated, plus extra 50 g grated cheddar for the tops

60 ml warmed milk

1 egg, beaten (for brushing the tops)

The temperature and method is the same as for the buttermilk scones. Add the cheese where you would have added the sugar, and if using English mustard rather than mustard powder, add this just before you mix in the milk.

Sprinkle more cheese over the top after you’ve brushed with the beaten egg.

Top with a savoury topping or your choice, I like a little variety, as you can see.

If you feel like changing it up a little bit you could change the herbs, or use Marmite instead of mustard. Find the variation that will become your new favourite savoury treat.

Scones are best eaten fresh, use within 24 hours or you can freeze them for up to a month. I recommend serving as part of a delicious Afternoon Tea, perhaps whilst watching  one of the eventual trials of one Donald J. Trump (it is perfectly acceptable to substitute champagne in place of the tea in an Afternoon Tea).

Enjoy.

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