463 Comments
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Robert Eckert's avatar

"we have somewhere around 10,000 pages of Janet Russon ‘Readings’ as part of the investigator case file" Sure you don't mean 10,000 golden plates?

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Steve O'Hare's avatar

Last Podcast on the Left had a series on Mormonism. Funny and informative. Warning! Jr. high school humor part of what makes Last Podcast so endearing.

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Mildred Downey Broxon's avatar

How can there be a Mormon prophet from 600 BC? They didn't even have Mormons then.

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DDB9000's avatar

How can they have a (insert religion here) prophet from 600 BC when they didn't even have (insert religion's adherents here) then?

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Skunk Formerly Known As Stoner's avatar

Prophet Nephi denies having relaxation with That Woman Janet Russon.

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Skunk Formerly Known As Stoner's avatar

Relations, not relaxation. Thanks autocorrect. Though it kinda works.

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Anti-Social Socialist's avatar

I like the idea that Mormon prophets don't have "relations", but they LOVE to "relax" with people.

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skinnercitycyclist's avatar

"...the Book of Mormon deceased prophet Nephi."

Whatever else you want to say about this situation, her use of noun adjectival nouns is grotesque.

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Tina Mouse's avatar

This is tru tho:

“There’s no talking to the Book of Mormon deceased prophet Nephi,”

That asshole never helps me find my glasses, even tho losing your glasses is the worst.

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skinnercitycyclist's avatar

Also a scurrilous use of noun modifiers.

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Gary Seven in Space's avatar

Didn't they lose some plates a couple of times?

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Cajun Kid's avatar

This story made me go watch an old MadTV skit--Mrs. Leona Campbell calls Miss Cleo. I mean, all of the Mrs. Leona Campbell skits are hilarious, but the Miss Cleo one is the only one appropriate to this story.

(Also a huge fan of the "7AM Condo Report" sketches.)

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Robert Eckert's avatar

When Miss Cleo was arrested for fraud, Jay Leno said "Who could have foreseen that?"

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Cajun Kid's avatar

Perhaps she should have called her psychic friends?

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Shutting down this Nephi shit as early as possible makes sense. You let people believe a millenia-old prophet is doing all the work, Old Nephi's going to want a cut of the grift.

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Edith Prickly's avatar

I’ve read this story three times and I’m still confused.

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AIB's avatar

Same. I can only conclude that Davis County Attorney Rawlings is as woo woo as everyone else in this story.

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Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Robyn. Prophecy, schmophecy. Although The Prophecy was a fine movie, and the sequel was good.

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Oblio's Cap's avatar

One of my favorites. Angels with wings dipped in blood and such.

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carovee's avatar

It would be pretty obvious if an actual* investigation made up having thousands of pages of material.

*Not a House Republican investigation.

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clairence's avatar

I see it's the ol' "that doesn't exist and they have it illegally" gambit.

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skinnercitycyclist's avatar

"Honey, I never had hot sex at the Motel 6 with your sister, and it meant nothing to me!"

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

So claiming to have psychic powers is perfectly reasonable but claiming you're receiving messages from a 2600 year old prophet, that’s just ridiculous.

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Mexfiles's avatar

I wondered about that. How can one illegally obtain somethng that never existed?

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Oblio's Cap's avatar

You Mountains Meadow massacred that argument!

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I think it has more to do with prophet -- I mean profit sharing.

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carovee's avatar

I assume Russan is Mormon n and Mormans have strong opinions Nephi.

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MTE_NYC's avatar

So the Mormon church as officially founded April 6, 1830, in New York State, but they have a prophet from 600 BC. Why the delay in the founding of the church? What was happening in the interim? I bet there's a story there...

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

They crossed the Atlantic in wooden submarines that were “tight as a dish,” settled in North America, had a bunch of wars, then become Native Americans and erased all evidence of their existence.

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John Thorstensen's avatar

Far be it from me to disparage anyone's deeply-held religious beliefs, but I'll do it anyway.

The whole thing is preposterous on its face.

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User's avatar
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Dec 16, 2023
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Oblio's Cap's avatar

On a level with Scientology.

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John Thorstensen's avatar

It's amazing what a century or two will do to make nonsense look more like some kind of ancient wisdom to some folks.

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Vincent J's avatar

I finally Latinized Robyn's axiom!

ūnus cōnstāns hūmānitās ita est: hōminēs semper crēdunt quōsque sē eōdem mōre agere.

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