Time For Another Episode Of ¡Martha-Ann No Está Contenta!

The life and times of a very serious Supreme Court justice and his wife.

May 29, 2024

What’s the latest in the saga of Martha-Ann Alito and her precious treason flags? Did she put them up, or is this just her Supreme Court justice husband blaming the wife like mediocre conservative white guys like him always do?

Who called blessed Saint Martha-Ann a cunt, and when did they do the calling? And does the the timeline even work out for the original story about how she hoisted the flag because the neighbors called her a cunt, or is that just more of her lies?

Find out on today’s episode of ¡Martha-Ann No Está Contenta!

Our update comes from Jodi Jacobson at the Times, who has been talking to the neighbors to find out who smelt it, who dealt it, and so forth.

To be clear, we are talking about the original treason flag at the Alitos’ home in Virginia, which flew during January of 2021 — while Donald Trump was trying to overthrow the election and begging for Sam Alito’s help — not the treason flag at the beach house that looks like an ugly Christmas sweater worn by a frumpy Sunday school teacher because awww it just looked fun!

We still don’t know what happened with that one.

What’s important to understand is that Martha-Ann is waving these flags because of a neighbor named Emily Baden. She, we are sure, has the woke mind virus. She admits she definitely called Martha-Ann Alito a cunt.

But here is the thing: Emily Baden had never even noticed Martha-Ann Alito’s upside down American flag! Not when she called Martha-Anne a cunt, and not now! “I never saw the upside-down flag, never heard about it,” says Emily Baden. And all the available evidence — which literally involves text messages and interviews with other neighbors and family, plus Fairfax County police records — indicates Baden dubbed Mrs. Alito a cunt on February 15.

A whole month after Joe Biden became president, despite the Alito treason flag’s clearly expressed wishes!

Honestly, everything in this quote, everything Sam Alito has said about this incident, is a lie:

The justice later elaborated in an interview with Fox News, saying that in January 2021 a neighbor on the block displayed a vulgar anti-Trump sign, near where children wait for the school bus. Mrs. Alito complained to the neighbor. “Things escalated and the neighbor put up a sign personally addressing Mrs. Alito and blaming her for the Jan 6th attacks,” tweeted the Fox News reporter who interviewed the justice.
While the Alitos were on a neighborhood walk, “there were words between Mrs. Alito and a male at the home with the sign,” the network reported. The justice said the man used “vulgar language, ‘including the C-word,’” After that exchange, “Mrs. Alito was distraught and hung the flag upside-down,” the Fox reporter relayed.

LMAO, like Emily Baden went and had a yard sign made that said “Fuck Martha-Ann Alito, My Neighbor Who Guerrilla Attacks Capitols.”

But no, no, no, no, no, no, and no, says Emily Baden. (Also, no children were waiting at school bus stops in January 2021 because pandemic. Sam Alito lies about everything.)

Martha-Ann started it, says Emily Baden. “Aside from putting up a sign, we did not begin or instigate any of these confrontations,” said Baden. (And not the hilarious sign we just made up, which everybody in the Alitos’ neighborhood should now buy and display. They could make a flag version of that one too.)

In November, when Joe Biden officially won the election, they put up homemade signs that said “BYE DON” and “Fuck Trump,” after hootin’ and hollerin’ in the streets of Washington about Biden’s victory. Baden’s 75-year-old mother Barbara didn’t love their signs, but she didn’t hate them that much, sounds like.

AND THEN:

Shortly after Christmas, as Emily Baden was with her dog in her front yard, an older woman approached and thanked her for taking down the sign, which had merely blown down. Ms. Baden realized that the woman was Martha-Ann Alito. The sign was offensive, Mrs. Alito said, according to both the justice’s account and a text message from Ms. Baden to her boyfriend.
Ms. Baden told her the sign would stay up, she recalled in the interview.

BE THE EMILY BADEN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

But actually she’s not sure if she put them back up or not. And why would she be sure? She’s not the one having old conservative white lady palpitations over this.

But after the MAGA terrorist attack on the Capitol on January 6, they put up some new signs, “Trump Is a Fascist” and “You Are Complicit.” They were not specifically about the Alitos, says Baden, but we guess if you saw that sign and you felt seen, then smelt it, dealt it, if the traitor shoe fits, etc.

But then Emily Baden’s mom took those signs down, because she was (probably reasonably) worried what MAGA insurrectionists might do in response. They’re not sure Martha-Ann Alito saw the new signs, but, on January 7, she pulled up in front of their house and gave one of her real stinker faces at them:

She lingered there, glaring, for a long moment, recalled the couple, who texted their friends about the encounter.

The Alitos’ OG treason flag appeared on January 17.

Baden and her husband drove by the Alitos’ on inauguration day, and Martha-Ann Alito was outside, and she “ran toward their car and yelled something they did not understand.” And when they turned around she spit at their car, according to Baden. So this woman is a serious fucking lunatic pain in the ass. (We get why she and Samuel Alito are hot to trot in the heterosexual way, though. They’re made for each other.)

On February 15, when the Alitos were out for one of their marital treason strolls, she saw Baden and her husband, and she called them “fascists.” Emily Baden told the Alitos how ridiculous it is that they are who they are, that he is a Supreme Court justice, and that they had been behaving this way. Oh yeah, and she called Martha-Ann a cunt.

“I will fully cop to that,” she said.

The Badens don’t live there anymore — it’s her mom’s house — but after Samuel Alito stuck his bare hand into every vagina-having American’s underpants and installed a Ring doorbell and a crossing guard sign (AKA the Dobbs ruling) they came back to protest in front of the Alitos’ house, noting that he is a fascist and an insurrectionist. One of the pics in the Times article says “Abort SCOTUS.”

Here is how the Times article ends:

So Barbara Baden was surprised when she received a Christmas card from the Alitos at the end of last year. She did not save it, but she and her daughter remember a handwritten addition that read, “May you have PEACE.”

What a petty piece of cat shit.

But this story is hilarious, and would make a great musical. Also we note that it is replicable for just about any American patriot who happens to live near an influential MAGA traitor.

The Times notes that the Court, including Samuel Alito, will soon rule on Trump’s absolute immunity, and another case involving the January 6 terrorists. We’re not sure what treason flags the Alitos have for that, but we bet they are some tacky flea market looking shit just like everything else with this couple.

It would be terrible if any of their neighbors were less than kind the next time they let those freak flags fly.

[New York Times]