3276 Comments

I'm looking into buying my own place and... holy shit, what is this fucking nightmare? Even if I set aside the fact that matchboxes full of mold are being sold at what must be seven times their actual worth, there's a minefield of junk fees, bullshit sleight of hand and bad faith to manoeuvre through. I just want to buy a house, not sell my soul to Santa!

I'm thinking a tin shack in Queensland among the tree frogs is the best solution.

Expand full comment

having recently been through the process, can concur.

the number of people who want to get a taste of the sale is fucking ridiculous.

Expand full comment

I guess this over-entitled team owner is angling for a new Las Vegas stadium subsidy:

----

The nearly 60-year-old

multipurpose park was always a terrible place to watch a baseball game, with seats ridiculously distant from the action, but in recent years the experience has only gotten worse. During one game, the stadium flooded with sewage. On another occasion, the lights went out. Feral animals roamed the increasingly vacant corridors. Then, for the 2022 season, Fisher doubled season ticket

prices. Meanwhile, he and MLB

commissioner Rob Manfred shed crocodile tears over the lack of fan support in Oakland. But what kind of product

have Fisher and MLB been asking fans to pay for? In a nutshell, the A’s stink. Last year they turned in the worst record in baseball by losing 112 of their 162 games. They scored 339 fewer runs than they gave up to opponents. This record was the

product not of chance, but design. The team payroll last season of $43 million ranked dead last in the league, 12% of the leagueleading New York Mets (who, to be fair, hardly made the most of their $334-million payroll, losing nearly 54% of their games). The best-paid player on the A’s, shortstop Aledmys Diaz, batted .229 last year and has started this season on the injured list.

Expand full comment

weird how the owner of the damn team is not responsible for the upkeeps of their own fucking stadiums

Expand full comment

"Feral animals roamed the increasingly vacant corridors."

The transfer market was slack.

Expand full comment

It was when a raccoon threw a rare home team home run back onto the field that people sat up and took notice.

Expand full comment

Man, fuck this shit. No more subsidies for billionaires.

Expand full comment

I strangely very rarely go to Toronto. It’s four hours on the train from here and five by car I guess, this kinda a reason. I get to Montréal a lot more regularly, Vancouver (like 5+ hours by plane) more often than Toronto...

I know there’s coolish stuff there but I dunno... Might be that I spent a lot of my childhood closer to it but I just tend to think of it as kinda a generic city, not really a place to visit. Am looking forward to seeing Trix and the Southern Ontario Wonketariat tho.

Expand full comment

Up at about 3 this morning. I tried to go back to sleep, but that wasn't going to happen, so I'm up, a pleasant hour catching up on Wonkette, and then off to do my early morning at work.

Expand full comment
May 8·edited May 8

*waves* How many hours sleep did you bank?

Expand full comment

Hey, sweetheart!

Expand full comment

Stormy Weather:

---

“This is the kind of testimony that makes it impossible to come back from,” defense lawyer Todd Blanche said. “How can we come back from this in a way that’s fair to President Trump?”

Expand full comment

So, Todd. Here's what you do. First, invent a time machine. Then go back in time and convince the dumbass that rawdogging a porn star while your wife is home with her newborn is probably not a good idea.

Or better yet, go back further to a certain night and yell at his daddy, "Pull out, Fred! Pull out! Think of the country!" Can you do that? That'd be swell!

Expand full comment

Oh, there's my old phrase: "If only Fred trump had done what Donnie wanted to do with NATO...pulled out."

Expand full comment

Fair? Just because you're a shitty attorney doesn't mean Dipshit Donnie isn't getting treated fairly.

Expand full comment

Are they trying to shoot for a mistrial due to incompetent defence? Is that a thing?

Expand full comment

"fair"? Do fuck off, you gutter-running turd-scrumper.

Expand full comment

What's the expression? Truth hurts?

Expand full comment

lol

In a way that's fair.

Expand full comment

Fair? How about all the contempt of court? Fuck off.

Expand full comment

Fair?

Like, firing squad?

Expand full comment

p.s., the new temp name is brilliant.

Expand full comment

It amused me soooo much I just hadda

Expand full comment

Where "woke" == "why are these people asking about my sketchy machine learning, data hoovering company that really doesn't do much but suck up citizen's data?"

𝗣𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗿'𝘀 𝗖𝗘𝗢 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 '𝘄𝗼𝗸𝗲' 𝗮 '𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗿, 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱'

Oh, and Alex Karp's forecasts disappoint the market after strong revenue growth

https://www.theregister.com/2024/05/07/palantirs_forecasts_disappoint_the_market/?td=rt-3a

Expand full comment

Palantir needs to be nuked from orbit.

Expand full comment

What is "a form of a thin pagan religion"? This guy's use of language is...odd.

Expand full comment

It sounded better in the original German.

Expand full comment

Oh! Interesting.

Expand full comment

He’s down with thicker religions.

Expand full comment

It's amusing and amazing these idiots blame everything on "woke" now, it blows my mind. They could blame it on empathy I suppose but that didn't poll as well I guess.

Expand full comment

It means they can literally blame anything and everything, or absolutely nothing at all. It's a protean snarl term that has no fixed meaning.

Expand full comment

A pretty crappy week for Boeing. Again.

𝗙𝗮𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗰𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗿’𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵

NASA says May 17 is the soonest astronauts could launch on Boeing's Starliner spacecraft.

https://arstechnica.com/space/2024/05/faulty-valve-scuttles-starliners-first-crew-launch/

Expand full comment

*Printer begins spewing out astronaut resumes*

Expand full comment

"Hey, Bob, is there a bolt missing here?"

"I was wondering where this bolt went."

Expand full comment

"Hey look, they gave us an extra in case we needed it!"

Expand full comment

"Oh, you know how it is -- you put stuff together and you always have parts left over."

Expand full comment

Schroedinger's nuts: either parts left over, or dropped on the floor and bounced to never be seen again.

Expand full comment

"Well, we have the allen wrench ... just in case ..."

Expand full comment

ok funny story time. Well, it is funny to me.

Yesterday morning I went down stairs and there was a note on the computer from hubby that he had no dinner the night before, because there wasn't any angel hair pasta nor a frozen lasagna, so he did not even eat.

And it was early, and I was all...whut...whatevers, and tossed it as you do.

When I got home from work yesterday I was all...dude, what was with that note? Like what did you want me to even do at that point? You were the one who did the grocery shopping for cryin out loud. And he was all what, you expect me to write the shopping list too?????

So I checked the pantry. Box of angel hair 2/3 sitting right there behind the crackers. Checked the freezer. Not one, but TWO frozen lasagnas were in the front, third shelf down.

I plunked all three on his TV table right in front of him, then went off to finish the veggie garden, a'whistlin.

Moral of the story: Isn't one, just found the entire thing extremely entertaining, once I got over the annoyance to being met with a note like that at 6 in the am

Expand full comment

Have you checked your fella's sell by date?

Expand full comment

Yes--what was the point of informing you in that way that he cannot forage for himself (and knowing food was available)?

I am laughing at this so much, but you needn't tell him that!

Expand full comment

She should. "Hey, honey, all my internet friends are laughing at you."

Expand full comment

Omg, I want this to happen.

Expand full comment

Jen, I get great enjoyment from this and you might, too: when that certain person is peering at the refrigerator, pityingly asking *me*, across the room, where some desired item is, I reply, "you're a lot closer than I am, why ask me?" 😹

Expand full comment

Tell 'em it's behind the milk!

It is always behind the milk, even when the milk is in the door shelf

Expand full comment

If you want to become a tradwife, you have to think of these things in advance.

Expand full comment

He's a lucky man, that's all I can say.

Expand full comment

aw I am lucky too. He's terribly sweet at times.

Just for whatever reason, he thinks his food is my responsibility. I am not sure what more he wants from me other than cooking dinner. If he chooses to have something else though, I feel that is a him problem

Expand full comment

We alternate dinners, but I noticed that the expectation is that on "my nights" we have a complete dinner, and that it will be yummy, and maybe leftovers for one of us to take to work the next day. On his nights we get (except for a few special occasions) "healthy yet unappealing" bachelor recipes with no leftovers because they're icky.

Also, I am expected to provide the "extra" food--like snack or component items. Salsa or cheese to have around? Cinnamon bread? That's me.

Expand full comment

Are we talking dry baked chicken, side of broccoli dude-meals?

Expand full comment

That's the good one. We also sometimes "enjoy" "potassium blow-out" which is a plain baked potato, lima beans, and a banana for dessert.

I do love him very much, however.

Expand full comment

Well, at least you guys won't have leg cramps at night. Bonus!

Expand full comment

I make the list and usually do the shopping. This weekend I asked him to do it cause I was gardening, finally, and zomg my new shade garden is looking pretty nice for a first year garden ^.^ When it fills in, it will be even better, assuming everyone comes back next year and spreads

Expand full comment

"Come back next year and spread" is going to be my sign-off for invitations now.

Expand full comment

Back in the day when I did online roll play, I did a joke character that was ambient moss who was always trying to spread their spores.

Was funny

Expand full comment

*That* Angel Hair was already opened, so stale.

Expand full comment

You can't expect us to find things that are right in front of our faces.

Expand full comment

In his defense, the pasta was behind another box.

Expand full comment

edit: though mind, I store em end up, so the box was taller than the crackers

Which is how I spotted it right off

Expand full comment

I'd a just stuffed my face with the crackers, that's what they're there for.

Expand full comment

Husbands can't find anything when we're looking for it. It's like our brains just edit it out.

Expand full comment

If it doesn't cross our fovea, our dumb internal AIs fill in the rest by simulation.

Expand full comment

It's behind the milk is one of our family jokes XD

Expand full comment

Also, you're a grown ass man (as the kids say), make yourself a sandwich if you can't find something else to eat.

Expand full comment

RIGHT????

That was the part that especially had me guffawing.

You or I would be all HUH none of that? Well fuck, that sucks. Guess I'll make some eggs

He goes to bed without eating so he can write me a guilt trip note XD It was for lolz

Expand full comment

Dude, what a baby. Want me to come over there and channel my super loud and mean Filipino grandma? I'll do it. He'll cry.

Expand full comment

giggle

Might be good for him XD

Expand full comment

Start plotting now for the note you leave for him.

Expand full comment

Naw, I haven't got the stamina nor the attention span for that.

Though I had wished I had found that angel hair before I left for work and left it out for him.

THAT woulda been some funny PA shit right there

Expand full comment

You could take a week and leave a few strands of angel hair pasta each day in unexpected places: his shoes, his underwear drawer, his jacket pocket, etc.

Expand full comment

In my ongoing quest to round out my cinematic literacy to the point I can pass for human, I finally watched Brokeback Mountain...

(... very vague spoilers...)

... fucking hell that was sad. Pretty landscapes though.

I often get strangely claustrophobic or something watching stuff whose set decorators remind me competently of the 70s or 80s, like the later scenes of that film do. Not quite sure why. I guess maybe they weren’t really great decades for me, but I think it might be more the realization that they were such a different time, and are now such distant ones. Seeing into someone else’s living room and there’s a huge console television you’d need a crane to move in there, it’s like the temporal analogue of vertigo.

Expand full comment

We had one of those! We got it from my grandmother when she got a new tv.

Was our first color tv. Also, a rather nice piece of furniture because she never bought cheap stuff for herself

Expand full comment

We got one kinda the same way! It was in our grandparents’ basement because they’d got a new one thinking the old one didn’t work anymore. My grandfather said I could take it and I got my parents to haul it home and it turned out the tuner just needed cleaning, (which I did myself). Huge thing made out of I figure most of a mahogany grove.

Expand full comment

Ours had side cabinets to store things. It was before VHS and such were common, so not sure what you were supposed to store in them.

But the remote did not work so our remote was whatever kid was closest at the time

Expand full comment

I don’t think ours had a remote. Not totally sure now though.

Expand full comment

Ours had one! Just did not work

One of them big brown bulky boxes with like 3 buttons on them XD

Expand full comment

𝗕𝗼𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝟳𝟴𝟳 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗮𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱

FAA: Boeing apparently didn't confirm bonding "where the wings join the fuselage."

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2024/05/boeing-says-workers-skipped-required-tests-on-787-but-recorded-work-as-completed/

Expand full comment

You have to understand these are the workers who dropped a fuselage assembly (like, a third of the plane!) off from the overhead crane moving it around the assembly plant. Destroyed the thing, but managed to not kill anyone. BUT, and here is the important part, they are non-union!

Expand full comment

JFC. Like I'm not already terrified of flying....

Expand full comment

I only play an engineer on teevee.

But I am in favor of wings staying attached to rest of airplane. Especially in flight.

It's just good policy.

Expand full comment

Bah, that's such an old-fashioned approach! I mean, they'll probably stay on for most of the flight. Maybe.

Expand full comment

It's extra for a plane that will stay in one piece for the entire journey. Buy your ticket upgrade now!

Expand full comment

Criminal negligence, you say? Corporate manslaughter, you say?

Expand full comment

pfft! like that's an important thing even! Hell, there's two wings for redundancy!

/s

Expand full comment

Pish tosh. What's the worst that could happen?

Expand full comment

sure sure, blame it on the workers, not your own leadership incompetence that stresses speed over completeness

Expand full comment

Blame the workers, kill the whistleblowers.

Expand full comment

“I can reveal this to you now," Mary Trump wrote. "'Honeybunch' is my family’s preferred term of endearment.

Ew, so he probably called Ivanka that too.

https://www.rawstory.com/trump-stormy-daniels-2668190940/?cx_testId=6&cx_testVariant=cx_undefined&cx_artPos=2&cx_experienceId=EXC93HV4HK4I&cx_experienceActionId=showRecommendationsVP9S9ZC8WNR522#cxrecs_s

Expand full comment

"Honeypot", you say?

Expand full comment

Probably Pence as well, in the early days anyway..

Expand full comment

So, I don't know this because we don't do "high school graduations" in the UK, but what time do they normally take place? And where is Barron's school? Is it possible he can do both these things?

Expand full comment

It looks like the timing should work, considering that trump has a trash jet, and the graduation is at 10 AM (odd time, per my experience as a HS graduate, sister and mother of HS graduates). However, it's clear that trump won't have time to spend with Barron after the ceremony (which may be to Barron's liking for all we know), and this dinner gives him a good excuse to get away from family and spend it with s̵u̵c̵k̵e̵r̵s̵ donors.

Expand full comment

Reporting is that this particular Graduation is at 10am

And his trash jet will just be a few miles down the road for a quick getaway.

Expand full comment

Thanks for the info.

Expand full comment

Mine was mid june about 3 in the afternoon on a saturday because heaven forfend our last day of school be an actual school day.

Both were in college auditoriums because not enough space at the tiny HS ones

Expand full comment

edit: well, youngest's was. Oldest graduated the year of Covid so kinda got hosed on the entire thing, they had it on their open air field so they could do them one at a time and socially distance and all. Think his time was 4pm (they were assigned times)

Expand full comment

Usually late afternoon early evening. Ours is at 6 P.M., if I'm remembering correctly. Some larger schools, I think, start a little earlier because they have so many to get through. Still don't think the timing will work out.

Expand full comment

Mine was on a weeknight, not sure how they do it now.

Expand full comment

Generally in late May or early June.

Expand full comment

Did anyone truly expect him to attend his youngest spawn's graduation?

Expand full comment

As a political stunt, or a means to get attention, maybe.

Expand full comment

I am wondering if Barron even wants him there.

Expand full comment

Something something shocked face.

Expand full comment

Perhaps Judge Merchan.

Expand full comment

No, but I'll admit that I was curious to know how all his propagandists who had been whingeing that he couldn't go would spin it when he simply decided not to.

Expand full comment

Easy one. "Security reasons"

Expand full comment

They'll just pretend they never said any of that.

Expand full comment

If he did I'd expect him to try to turn it into a fundraiser.

Expand full comment

I certainly didn't but had chosen a golf game.

Expand full comment

I was vacillating between golf game and political rile-em'-up.

Expand full comment

"It's far nastier," she said of Republican attacks. "You wouldn't believe what's being talked about. 'Oh, we're going to get back at her. She's going to lose committee assignments next Congress. She'll get primaried. We're going to come after her. This is going to be nasty.'"

The lawmaker also complained that Republicans were trying to "divide" her from Trump because the former president supports Johnson.

"That's the chitter-chatter going on in the inner circles that is trying to divide me away from President Trump," she remarked. "But everybody right now is trying to pretend like there's a problem between us."

https://www.rawstory.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-far-nastier/

Funny and excellent.

I also think entirely genuine- I am convinced that people like Taylor Greene are sincere when they whine like this. They really do believe that getting back what they themselves dish out is deeply unfair and mean. They really do think that their own mean-spirited, rabble-rousing spite is not merely acceptable but also laudable. They can and should hurt whomever they want however they want, but the moment anyone responds to that they're wounding the innocence of the Taylor Greeneian.

Expand full comment

Honestly, it's a trait that runs through them like a stick of rock. It's why I don't think calling them hypocrites is always (though definitely not never) appropriate- their moral code is ALWAYS structured in formulae that go "it is wrong for you to do X, not me".

Expand full comment

Members of the "Overseer Class" ... that is how they think.

Expand full comment

Fanatics all act the same. It's just the nouns they say that change.

Expand full comment

Not for nothin, but didn't Maddison "Orgy" Cawthorn make a similar whine right before he was memory holed by the GOP?

Expand full comment

That's Madison "Who?" Cawthorn.

Expand full comment

That's what I remember.

Expand full comment

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝗲𝗻. 𝗘𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝗯𝗲𝘁𝗵 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘀 𝗡𝗲𝘄 “𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻” 𝗕𝗶𝗹𝗹

Her coalition envisions a $500 billion push to decarbonize transportation.

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/elizabeth-warren-build-green-bill-explained/?utm_source=press.coop

Expand full comment

So long as Sunk Mole doesn't have a single grubby, pot smoke-stained finger in it.

Expand full comment

Well shit. I was supposed to volunteer to help the Veterans Home do some remodeling and cleaning. But half of the staff of my department called out sick. So it's back to work today.

Expand full comment