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Trump Bought A Gun! JK No He Didn’t, He Was Just Jinglin’ Keys For His Dog-Brained Followers
WANNA GO OUTSIDE? GO OUTSIDE? OUTSIDE?
Trump spox idiot Steven Cheung posted a video earlier — link now go POOF! for some mysterious reason — from a campaign stop at the Palmetto State Armory in Summerville, South Carolina, saying Trump had bought a Glock.
The meaning of the now deleted tweet isn’t really up for interpretation, unless you want to haggle over what the meaning of “purchase” is, or unless you make it a policy to never believe Donald Trump has actually paid for something unless you personally witnessed him actually handing over the money, in which case you are SMRT.
It was a whole thing. Here are some screengrabs from the video:
Oooooooooh! What do you have there? Is it Big Mac is it Diet Coke is it 11,780 votes is it pussy is it gun?
Smile with your new gun friend, Donald! No, a real smile.
OK fine, guess that’s your real smile. Fuck it. School picture day must have been garbage in the Trump household.
OK, time for a silly one! Gun friend will hold the real gun and you hold your finger like a gun and and we’ll both close our eyes and we’ll point them at each other like “PEW PEW PEW!”
Gun friends like to joke around and have fun.
Uh oh, did gun friend pooted?
So in the (now deleted) video, Trump says “I want to buy one.” But did he? And did they even have a Glock that would fit hands that little?
Well, funny story! Or maybe not funny.
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The news reports are now saying actually Trump “did not actually end up completing the purchase,” actually.
Hmmmm. Wonder why.
Could it be that people who are indicted for felonies 91 times are currently not allowed to buy guns in US America? It could.
Could that be why Steven Cheung quickly “clarified” to reporters that JK JK, no gun purchases, no gun purchases, you are the gun purchases?
Could that be why Steven Cheung deleted that tweet literally as we were typing this? Surely we reckon perhaps!
Could a judge presiding over any of those 91 felony indictments maybe not have looked kindly on a man indicted that many times buying a gun? Magic 8 Ball says it is decidedly so.
“In theory, Trump could raise a constitutional challenge to this provision of federal law under the Supreme Court’s latest interpretation of the Second Amendment in Bruen. Hunter Biden’s lawyers say he is planning to use that defense to his gun charge.”
Huh. Hunter Biden’s gun charge. Huh.
Oh well, best not to overthink it.
Besides, we imagine Trump did not actually purchase a real gun. Because number one, again, the hands thing. Unless Glock has some kind of tie-in with American Girl dolls and they’re making itty-bitty ones on that scale, we can’t imagine off-the-shelf guns just fitting in his hands.
Perhaps he was going to buy one, but then somebody on the campaign 86-ed it.
Or perhaps — hear us out — perhaps this is like that thing where Trump goes into a restaurant and says FOOD FOR EVERYONE! and then he leaves and nobody gets food because it was just for the cameras.
In other words, he was just jingling some keys for his dog-brained followers to get them all riled up.
WANNA GO OUTSIDE? WANNA GO OUTSIDE?
Yeah. They do. They would like to go outside.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.