Pop quiz:
Which of the reasons in the headline is the real reason Donald Trump is canceling rallies this weekend in Kansas and Iowa? Is he conceding those races? Is he just too old for this, and everybody knows it? Are they rushing an extra dementia test after all the weird brain malfunctions he’s been having lately?
(He’s been feeling the need to clarify that a hurricane was actually a “watercane,” because of how much water was in it. You know how hurricanes are famously unpredictable when it comes to whether there’ll be precipitation involved. Then there’s the demented fixation on Jon Husted’s ass. He called Annie Andrews a “mutilizer” last night. Uh oh, Grandpa’s conjugating the verbs he’s inventing!)
It is possible he just hasn’t had a healthy toilet squat in several weeks, and his doctors want to get him back into familiar spaces so that he might stop being poo shy.
And there’s also the possibility that either they know they’re going to lose Kansas and Iowa and there’s no use? Additionally, the fact that Trump’s presence actually seems to be hurting these candidates, not helping them, because everybody despises him, and by “everybody” we mean “voters in all places”? (Ken Paxton has been blaming Trump’s convention for his shitty poll numbers.)
Ooh, maybe it is how everybody keeps showing up at his rallies and screaming “Epstein Files!” and “Pedophile!” and that hero who got on Fox News at his rally yesterday and said he was excited to be there because he had missed Jonestown!
Whatever it is, rallies: canceled.
The RNC is of course saying it’s because polls are just too good for them in Iowa and Kansas, no rallies needed. That is almost certainly a lie, and for evidence we’ll start with how they’re liars.
The New York Times notes that a new CNN poll actually has Adam Hamilton up four over Roger Marshall in Kansas. Others have been tighter, but we only see Marshall, the Republican, ahead in one in the last couple months. Iowa is the one that appears to be more of a jump ball, but these things do tend to break all in one direction or another.
Who knows what that’ll ultimately be, but a gander at other hot races sure does make it look like it’s Democrats who are closing the deal. (Look how Abdul El-Sayed has gotten out ahead in Michigan! Look at Talarico, where a couple new polls have him by six and eight! Trump may be lusting after Jon Husted’s ass, but it hasn’t been ahead in but one poll this entire month, and that was by a point.
Oh yeah, and Fox News just moved the South Carolina Senate race to “tossup.” The only poll in Mississippi this month only had Cindy Hyde-Smith up by three, so God knows what’s going to happen there.
We feel comfortable predicting that we don’t have a goddamn clue what’s going to happen on Tuesday.
But it could be historic.
Here is James Talarico clowning on how Ken Paxton is canceling his rallies, because nobody wants to come to them.
And here is a guy begging people to stay at a Paxton rally:
And here is JD Vance answering a question about how young people cannot afford houses by wondering that nobody is asking him about Jon Husted’s excellent ass.
And here is JD Vance almost certainly making up a racist story about being in an emergency room and not being able to get care fast enough because there were nine translators, fuck he is just a worthless lying piece of shit.
And finally, here is Trump losing it at a reporter who asked if he’s canceling all his rallies because he’s too unwell to go to them.
“You are sick!” he said. “You are disgusting. Put yourself in shape. You look like hell.” He tried to insist it’s because they’re doing so well in Kansas.
He’ll feel better if he poops.
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Notice that after the Reuters reporter asked Trump if he was "sick of traveling", Trump turned it into a "Sir" story and changed what he was actually asked?
They're switching to "tele-rallies", which can be much more tightly controlled and allow them to keep those pesky "voters" with their "ideas" out.