Trump Comforts Putin In His Hour Of 'Oh F*ck, Ukraine Just Blew Up All My Planes!'
And they say Trump lacks warmth and empathy.
Yesterday, before Donald Trump went on a dictator bender issuing new travel bans and HEREBY ORDERING Harvard to stop admitting foreign students or faculty, and before he ordered an investigation into Joe Biden and his aides for whatever fucking dementia senile brainworms conspiracy theories were swirling around the bowl of his golden toilet right at that minute — President Bitchass is flailing, and if you don’t see that, you are not qualified to cover this stupid dictatorship — Trump had a lovechat with his hero and master, Vladimir Putin.
Awwwwww.
He was just so excited to run into the arms of his man and comfort him over the loss of all those planes Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy just hilariously fucking blew to smithereens to the delight of the entire free world. Pooooooor Putin. They talked for a whole entire hour and 15 minutes.
And presumably the second Trump got off that call, maybe before he even pulled his pants up, he rushed to Truth Social to tell us all about it.
Lordt.
Let’s break that shit down, below the subscription box!
I just finished speaking, by telephone, with President Vladimir Putin, of Russia.
And he could not wait to tell us.
The call lasted approximately one hour and 15 minutes.
You hang up! No you hang up!
We discussed the attack on Russia’s docked airplanes,
He didn’t need to type “docked.” He’s trying to make the planes sound innocent.
by Ukraine, and also various other attacks that have been taking place by both sides. It was a good conversation, but not a conversation that will lead to immediate Peace.
Weird capitalized noun in the German style because that’s the way the Hitler speeches are in the book by his bed? Dunno, always possible he’s just functionally illiterate.
President Putin did say, and very strongly,
It’s always very strongly when Putin says things, sends a thrill right up Trump’s pockmarked inner thighs, sure does.
But Putin never says things with tears in his eyes or calls him “sir.” Huh.
that he will have to respond to the recent attack on the airfields.
He said it strongly, he’s going to have to do it. Nothing Trump can do about it besides watch and maybe play with himself. (But it won’t be with those “docked” planes though, because they done got burnt up like Cybertrucks. Y’all hear just how vital those planes are to Russia’s ability to wage a large-scale nuclear war, especially against targets that are far away? Amazing what Ukraine did. Oh boy, did Zelenskyy have the cards!)
The part about Iran was boring, so we’ll skip it.
So there wasn’t any PIPER NOOOOOOOO/VLADIMIRRRRR STOOOOOOP this time. We guess Trump is over that whole thing where he was worried Putin didn’t value his brilliant opinions. Maybe that was the first part of the hour and 15 minutes, Putin reassuring Trump he’s still his favorite foreign intelligence asset/agent, and that he’s very proud of him for how quickly he’s destroyed the United States of America in just a hundred-someodd days.
Maybe Putin reminded Trump of all the dirt he has on him, reminded him which one of them is whose bitch.
The Russian interpretation of the call had some interesting info. Presidential aide Yury Ushakov said Trump felt the need to reassure Putin that the US didn’t know about the Ukrainian attacks beforehand. Promise, Daddy, promise!
Meanwhile, Lev Parnas — good old Lev! — notes the juxtaposition of how Trump speed-waddled to comfort Putin and reassure him in his hour of need, instead of calling Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the actual ally of the world’s democracies, to see how they were doing or if they need anything. He also claims that according to his own sources close to the Kremlin, Putin told Trump that he wouldn’t negotiate for any kind of end of the war unless Zelenskyy was deposed. We haven’t seen that reported elsewhere, but Lev does seem to know stuff sometimes …
(Interestingly, Lev Parnas has said recently that Hunter Biden’s laptop absolutely did get corrupted by Russian intelligence.)
We don’t know what else Trump talked to his bear daddy Putin about during their sexxx chat. Maybe the case of 25-year-old Russian dissident Ilia Chernov, who was granted asylum in the United States, who has no legitimate criminal record, but Russia says he does because he supported Putin assassination victim Alexei Navalny and he opposes Putin’s genocidal war against Ukraine and even put up anti-war fliers at a military recruitment office.
Maybe they talked about why Trump’s ICE gestapo refuses to release Chernov, even though again he’s been granted asylum.
Maybe they talked about Kseniia Petrova, the Harvard researcher who is still in US custody on fairly obviously bullshit “smuggling” charges, even though she was granted bail last week. She also fears being sent back to Russia, because of her opposition to the war.
We don’t know, we’re just spitballing, but they had to fill an hour and 15 minutes somehow, and Trump can only ask Putin what he’s wearing so many times.
Evan has a side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on BlueSky!
Are you guys on Instagram? Let’s get that going.
Follow Evan on Facebook.
<<The part about Iran was boring, so we’ll skip it.>>
We had a nuclear deal with Iran. And it was working. But Widdle Babby Donnie tore it up for very good reasons. JUST KIDDING! He tore it up because Obama.
TACO is very strongly functionally illiterate.