Trump Confirms 'This Russhur Thing With Trump And Russhur' 100% True, What A Dumbass
Also 'They wanted to make you shound like your preshident washn’t sho hot,' explained Trump, accusing China directly of wanting to make you shound like your preshident washn’t sho hot.
We would like to direct your attention to something we wrote Tuesday about Donald Trump’s much-hyped (by himself and his regime) address to the nation, which, we were assured, would CHANGE EVERYTHING:
Before you let this stress you out, though remember what buffoons these people are, and remember how comically every one of these plays backfires in their dumbass faces.
Just mock the shit out of them instead. We sure will.
Well kids, nothing to retract there.
Last night, Trump, who is notoriously bad at reading and notoriously bad at being coherent after dark, attempted to give a primetime address to the nation on election security. What kinds of dumbfuck conspiracy theories was he going to advance? What kind of bald-faced lies about the 2020 election being stolen from him? Uhhhhh, well, none of that, really. Like Pete Hegseth summoning generals from around the world to priss at them about hairstyles, Trump decided to My Fellow Americans us last night to accuse China of sometimes looking at American elections funny, but didn’t really accuse them of doing anything of value.
Go directly to the transcript and find a real accusation he made. We’ll wait.
He began his speech by explaining that when Joe Biden was president, “We had transgender for everybody, men in women's sports, crime ravaging our cities, and the whole world was laughing at us as a nation, but not anymore.” (Trump also claimed this week that the CHIPS Act required people to be transgender to get money to develop computer chips. Those Biden IDIOTS.)
One of the most solid accusations he made was that during his first term, China wanted to undermine the people’s confidence in him (as if China needed help there, the babbling dumbass was ruining his own first term for himself).
“They wanted to make you shound like your preshident washn’t sho hot,” explained Trump, accusing China directly of wanting to make you shound like your preshident washn’t sho hot.
Once Trump got to the fucking point last night, he didn’t actually really get to the point. He claimed he was releasing/declassifying a bunch of documents he clearly didn’t/can’t read (more hilariousness on that in a second) that showed “shocking vulnerabilities in our election infrastructure.”
“‘Vulnerabilities’ are different than evidence of interference,” CNN’s annotated version of the transcript helpfully explains.
Trump did accuse China of the “illicit acquisition of 220 million voter files,” though it appears he may have been talking about the publicly available voter files. Indeed, as the BBC points out, “A lot of voter data is publicly available and Trump did not in his speech present any evidence that China had used this information to alter voting systems or to influence election outcomes.” Trump said China had “bought, stolen or hacked” tons of voter data. CNN’s factcheck quips that “It would be important to know how much was bought versus stolen or hacked.”
Trump baselessly accused China of wanting to alter the results of the 2020 election, but notably did not accuse them of actually doing it. In essence Trump accused China of having Trump Derangement Syndrome. GUILTY.
“Raw intelligence obtained by the FBI in 2020, yet buried by rogue bureaucrats, stated that China’s activities even included an attempt to manufacture illegal ballots for Joe Biden.” CNN’s factcheck reminds Trump that the pee-pee tape dossier is also raw intelligence.
He whined about Chris Krebs, his own former election chief who said the 2020 election was the most secure in our history, without actually saying his name. You remember him. This guy.
He accused the Deep State — “a very, very famous group of people, in many cases” hahahahaha fucking what, old man? — of hiding and keeping secret that China was doing all these things, even hiding/keeping it secret from him! “Everything was kept out” of his Presidential Daily Briefing “that was of importance,” and we know how he reads those with a fine-toothed comb and even does the scratch-n-sniff parts.
Check out this passage about burn bags:
Other officials who witnessed such efforts perceived the motivations to be blatantly political. Recently, we found significant numbers of burn bags information, and this is a group of bags that were used to destroy information, given by President Barack Hussein Obama to be burned, it was supposed to be burned.
These bags were supposed to be at a different level by different people, incinerated and checked, but it never happened. Maybe we got lucky. We believe this was not done on purpose, but rather through gross incompetence of the people that were supposed to burn the bags. But the findings are stunning.
Bags! Of Burn! Significant numbers of burn bags information! A group of bags! Obama bags! HUSSEIN Obama bags! To be burned! The findings are stunning!
Of course, Trump babbled about the SAVE Act, bitched about ABC and NBC not covering his speech, and more. Read the full CNN factcheck if you want, it’s entertaining, and there are people all over the internet looking through the trove of mostly already public documents Trump released.
CNN concludes, “the bottom line of this speech seems to be to undercut Americans’ confidence in their election system. But Trump does not ever say that votes were not properly cast or counted.”
In other words, yet another limp dick from Trump. (And the White House knows it, and they are losing their shit.)
Trump’s speech was a full licking of Vladimir Putin’s asshole, as he accused China of doing things that official US assessments say Russia did, not China.
That being said, Trump did accidentally release some documents last night that prove that Russia, not China, attacked the 2020 election on his behalf, in order to help him win:
Here, take a closer look at that, where it explains that Russia was working to “orchestrate a high-profile corruption scandal implicating former Vice President Biden and the Democratic Party at the peak of the 2020 presidential campaign. Their aim is to defeat the former Vice President and ensure the President’s victory. Some of these proxy actors anticipate that Ukraine-themed narratives about Democratic corruption will play a decisive role in the election and that US persons are key to propagating these narratives.”
Also: “President Putin and senior Russian officials are overseeing efforts by proxies — [REDACTED] — to spread claims about former Vice President Biden as well as Ukrainian politicians and alleged Ukrainian influence in the 2016 US election. These claims include that when the former Vice President was in office, he engaged in criminal activity in his dealings with Ukraine and individuals tied to Ukrainian energy firm Burisma.”
Hey wait, Ukraine is the real Russia? Burisma? HUNTER BIDEN?
What exactly was Donald Trump impeached for the first time again?
More:
Zoom in on that text:
]REDACTED] We assess that Russia is using a range of measures primarily to denigrate former Vice President Bidena and what it sees as an anti-Russia establishment. For example, it is directing or encouraging proxies to spread claims about Vice President Biden. Some Kremlin-linked actors are also seeking to boost President Trump’s candidacy on social media. More broadly, Moscow’s efforts seek to amplify social discord in the US and undermine Washington’s global standing.
[REDACTED] We assess that China prefers that President Trump be defeated; in the past few months it has stepped up public rhetoric criticizing his Administration, which it recognizes may affect the election. Although [REDACTED] Beijing did not intend to try to affect the election.
That’s rough. You’d think if he was going to do a bombshell speech alleging a nefarious Chinese plot to steal all elections past, present and future from him, he’d release some documents that help his case, instead of just confirming that “this Russhur thing with Trump and Russhur” is not actually a “made-up story,” but just a historical fact.
Maybe that’s why CIA Director John Ratcliffe couldn’t quite bring himself to cheer Trump’s speech on. Because he understand what the documents he sent to the White House actually say, maybe?
And how does John Solomon — fake clown right-wing conspiracy theorist “reporter” who now works in the White House and was instrumental in manufacturing all the Ukrainium One lies that underpinned the conspiracy theories that became the linchpin of the Trump/Russia collusion to steal the 2020 election — feel about all this?
Turns out we have an answer, and it is that the slimy dumpy uggo ran away when confronted by what a fucking dud this was:
As we said at the top, and as we said the other day, “remember what buffoons these people are, and remember how comically every one of these plays backfires in their dumbass faces.”
Is last night Trump’s first foray into trying to outright rig elections, like a common two-bit dictator, since that’s the only next step available to any authoritarian wannabe who’s in it way too deep? Sure, probably. So on that level, yes, it is dangerous.
But it was also the stupidest, most cringe thing we have ever seen, and we are never going to stop making fun of it.
Go and do likewise.
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Matt Gertz, who watches this stuff so we don't have to (hero!), says that even the ass kissers at Faux & Friends didn't mention the dumbass' speech once this AM.
https://bsky.app/profile/mattgertz.bsky.social/post/3mqtsqfbmq22f
(Trump also claimed this week that the CHIPS Act required people to be transgender to get money to develop computer chips. Those Biden IDIOTS.)
Trans sisters.