Trump Gets Regifted Nobel Peace Prize, Is This What Being Obama Feels Like?
No, he has far bigger hands.
Donald Trump got a Nobel Peace Prize, and it is the saddest, most pathetic fucking thing that ever happened.
Obviously he did not win one, he was not awarded one. That’s even less likely now that he’s got his shitfaced Defense secretary murdering innocent men in dinghies in the Caribbean and kidnapping foreign leaders and he’s making cacophonous shit noises about invading Greenland, and of course it remains the case that he has never ended a single war in his entire sad life. (Know who ended wars? Joe Biden and Barack Obama.)
But Trump is big on claiming awards he didn’t earn or deserve, and it stands to reason, since he’s the most unworthy loser who ever got flushed down the failure toilet in God’s people factory and accidentally ended up shooting out of a vagina on Earth. That kinda guy ain’t never winning anything he didn’t steal or that an oligarch bought for him.
Anyway, he got a Nobel, but we mean “got” very loosely. It’s like if you go to a yard sale and there’s a box of free stuff and there’s a Nobel Peace Prize in there and you say “Is this really all free?” and they say “Oh yes, we don’t need any of that anymore,” so you take home a Nobel Peace Prize and a couple of dogeared Danielle Steel novels.
In short, the leader of the opposition in Venezuela, Maria Corina Machado, who actually won it this year, gave him her copy when she visited the White House yesterday. It is not actually his now, but she’s really debasing the fuck out of herself, either because she actually cares about her own people and wants to use it as leverage, or because she’s not a very good Nobel Peace Prize winner herself. Dunno.
Here’s dipshit:
Christ, he looks like he just won first prize at the county fair for impregnating a heifer or something.
Here are some allegedly real news organizations playing along in their headlines and acting like this is a thing:
Yeah no.
Sorry, hate to break this to you, um, Reuters and ABC News and Wall Street Journal and NewsNation, but you’re all fucking clowns and whatever editors approved those headlines should resign from journalism and shoot themselves into the sun for being such fucking bootlicking embarrassments.
Sorry.
Here is Machado afterward, humiliating herself some more:
We say she’s humiliating herself, because is she becoming president of Venezuela for all this? She is not. Donald Trump did “regime change” in Venezuela by not changing the regime at all, but by letting Nicolás Maduro’s veep Delcy Rodríguez have it all, presumably because she was savvy enough to do a drug deal with him for oil revenue. (She continues to publicly talk all tough and sassy about what a monster Trump is.)
Could Trump even make Machado the president if he wanted to? Uhhhhh, yeah no not really, no matter how much he likes to think of himself as the acting president of Venezuela.
Did the Nobel Committee blow a goat by awarding this prize to Machado? It continues to be possible! Especially after she’s seen Trump openly admit to literally everyone that he’s just looting her country and doesn’t give a flying fuck about the people of Venezuela. Christ, one of his ICE Nazis shot a Venezuelan man two nights ago in Minneapolis. This is the regime that sent any Venezuelan man it could find who had a tattoo to a rape and torture concentration camp in El Salvador.
Speaking of the Nobel Committee, they reiterated yesterday on Twitter that you can let somebody babysit your medal all you want, but you can’t actually transfer ownership. “A medal can change owners, but the title of a Nobel Peace Prize laureate cannot.” That followed their announcement earlier this week, where they had to clarify that the prizes “cannot be revoked, shared or transferred,” after Machado first suggested that she wanted to regift what Dirty Santa brought her this year.
We just decided to check the Nobel Committee’s website and verify that the award was still Machado’s and look what we found:
And then after we decided to stop being a total bitch and rubbing in that Barack Obama has won a Nobel and Donald Trump never will, we checked 2025:
Welp.
In related news, yesterday, Trump came out with his Great American Home Store Whites Only Healthcare Plan Of Getting So Much Healthcare You’re Gonna Get Sick Of Healthcare, to replace Obamacare. It is a hilarious piece of shit, his entire plan is “We’re gonna give you money and you’re gonna make a great deal to buy your own healthcare!” It’s not a plan, it’s a joke. But Barack Obama’s name is on the ACA, so he’s got to try to replace it, even if he replaces it with literally nothing. Ooh, maybe Maria Corina Machado could regift him a healthcare plan too!
Trump also announced yesterday the formation of the new BOARD OF PEACE for Gaza, which, if you think Donald Trump is really going to create lasting peace for Gaza in a way that doesn’t involve 1,000 more genocides, you’re a fucking dumbass. That said, maybe he will find a way to win the first ever Board Of Peace Peace Prize!
Donald Trump is also the winner of the 2020 election (no), the Michigan Man Of The Year award (does not exist), and the FIFA Peace Prize (given annually just one time to one poop-smelling dictator who got on his knees for it), and additionally Dear Leader has won 10,000 golf tournaments at golf clubs he owns that allow him to carry the ball directly to the hole in his little bitty tiny fingers.
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
Benito Mussolini awarded himself various honors, including the Order of the Roman Eagle, an agricultural prize, medals commemorating various Fascist events, and bestowed a law doctorate on himself from Makerere University.
I don't know what brought this to mind this morning.
She's a right winger. Why did the Nobel committee think this right wing bint was interested in "democracy?"
What a bunch of maroons. Or complicit right-wing assholes.