Trump Having The Great American State Fair/4th Of July/America's 250th Birthday He Deserves
Oh man, this weekend is going to be humiliating.
Yesterday, Donald Trump was in North Dakota, having senile babble-chats with AI holograms of Teddy Roosevelt, trying to get it to tell him how upset it is about the Democrats selling the Panama Canal for a dollar. Later, he gave a speech in front of some kind of cohort that was supposed to be dressed up as the Rough Riders, but behind Trump just looked like The Village People. He told the crowd how he was going to give himself the Medal of Freedom and also give it to his older sons, so that they could have a “threesome.”
Yep.
He also told them that this weekend, for the Fourth of July, he’s going to give a speech outside, even though it’s going to be 107 degrees, “a really long speech, just to show that I can do anything!” Won’t everybody be impressed with big and tough and strong Donald Trump?
Question: If Donald Trump dies during his Fourth of July speech and nobody is there to see it because nobody is going to his fucking Fourth of July party, will he really be dead?
So there are a lot of headlines right now about the continuing humiliation that is the Great American State Fair, which nobody is attending, and if you say nobody is attending, then you obviously hate America, so better not say nobody is attending.
Here is Ag Secretary Brooke Rollins dodging panties everybody’s throwing at her on stage, uh oh, Brooke, they’re all crowd-surfing!
“Ow! Ow! Ow! Too many panties!” said Brooke Rollins, who was about to go file a complaint from panty-hitting-face injuries.
It also happened to Dr. Oz.
It also happened to Trump’s glorious arch, which is leaking some sort of caulk jizz, probably from all the panties being thrown in its general direction:
So that’s cool.
Places where definitely nobody is throwing panties? Into jars of Mt. Olive Pickles, because Mt. Olive Pickles withdrew its participation in the event after a Confederate flag somehow showed up in the North Carolina booth.
Mt. Olive Pickles: Keep your panties out of our brine, RACISTS.
For more on the Bonnaroo/Lollapalooza/Burning Man/Garden of Earthly Delights that is Donald Trump’s Great American State Fair, follow The Federalist on Facebook, they’re posting lots of sad pictures and videos with nobody in them and pretending it’s a fuckfest.
In related news, Donald Trump is reportedly really upset nobody is showing up for his loser parties, and administration officials are worried nobody is going to come on the Fourth either. He was so mad when he saw how tiny the crowd was for the speech he did last week, the thing where he tried to swoop in and save the day after every musical artist on the planet noped out of performing. This is why he ended up shoving a pacifier up his own asshole by posting lies on Truth Social about how the event was “packed to the brim” with “45,000 people.”
You may have heard that the fireworks this weekend aren’t going to start until bedtime-thirty, because Trump has to, again, babble for hours, because he thinks he’s bigger than Elvis. (Those fireworks, which Wonkette will have more on today, are reportedly going to pollute the shit out of the area, even more than regular fireworks shows. Can’t wait to see what the Reflecting Pool looks like the next day, with firework rocks AND algae in it.)
They’re really worried in the White House that it’s happening so late at night. “I do not understand why we are doing this so late,” said an unnamed official to CNN. “I’m really not sure who thought this was a good idea.”
Uhhhhhh, we have a guess!
Of course, on top of that, it will now have the security of an event with the old dumpsterfuck president in attendance, plus:
A “prohibited items list” reviewed by the Daily Beast also shows that backpacks, coolers, and camping chairs are not permitted. Attendees won’t be able to bring in food or water bottles, although these can be purchased inside.
The dramatically delayed fireworks show has left party planners scrambling to rewrite their schedules, while parents are bracing for overtired meltdowns and pet owners are dreading a late-night barrage of explosions.
Also prohibited are fun and talking!
Sounds cool.
The White House is already starting to turn on itself over the ongoing failure of the loser fair and the upcoming humiliation of this weekend:
“The mistake here was not driving attendance,” one person close to the White House said of the sparse crowds at the fair. “It was an ‘if you build it, they will come’ mentality that failed.”
Wouldn’t have helped, but bless your heart anyway!
The Daily Beast also reports that there was another humiliation last night, namely that thousands of people actually did show up to the National Mall to watch the United States men’s soccer team beat Bosnia and Herzegovina in the World Cup.
In summary and in conclusion, the Great American State Fair is humiliating, this weekend will be humiliating for Trump and for the whole nation, and White House Sunday School Hire Davis Ingle has a statement to share on all of that:
“President Trump is ensuring that America gets the spectacular 250th birthday it deserves — and Freedom 250 will execute on the president’s historic vision,” White House spokesman Davis Ingle said in a statement, calling the fair and other events an effort to “feature a renewal of patriotism and national pride under this President’s leadership.”
It makes a lot more sense when you read it passive-aggressive like “have the day you deserve,” like Trump’s White House is saying, “Have the 250th birthday you deserve, America, for electing such a pedophile-protecting Epstein Files-starring crime-fraud-grifting piece of shit like me!”
They don’t mean it like that, though, so we’ll just end this piece by wishing Trump the Fourth of July he deserves.
[Daily Beast / CNN]
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The idea of a Great American State Fair is a good one, but it was poorly executed because those who are in charge of it are incompetent partisans. Instead of celebrating the USA, the real USA, warts and all, they are celebrating their warped idea of what America is, which is Dipshit and Project 2025. And being incompetent, the mechanics are all wrong, which discourages even maga from coming to the fair.
Yes, I said "warts and all," because the USA has never been perfect, but it's been striving for that until Dipshit took office. Mostly, it's been a force for good in the world, but we have fallen short. Under Dipshit, forget trying to do good in the world, it's all about the grift and glory for Dipshit.
No wonder this shitshow is a shitshow - it's run by shitty people who don't give a shit about the real America, the real Teddy Roosevelt, the real MLK, or the Constitution. Something that could have been a joyous celebration of 250 years of striving for "a more perfect union" is a bust because those running it have no idea that America isn't a skin color or a religion or even the land. It's an idea, "all Men are created equal." We haven't always lived up to it, but have made great strides until now. When maga is gone, we will once again make great strides to live up to our promise.
𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 107 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘴, “𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨!”
And in his full dark suit, I suppose.
Paging Mother Nature!