Trump Pretty Sure White House Coke Is Joe And Hunter's Personal Stash, Also Jack Smith's Probably
Trump Pretty Sure White House Coke Is Joe And Hunter's Personal Stash, Also Jack Smith's Probably
Party favors.
Remember how we were saying last week that they ain't got shit on Joe Biden? Well, that was BEFORE they found Joe Biden's personal stash of Hunter Biden's cocaine just sitting there on the floor of White House!
And oh, senior citizen old balls Donald Trump is desperate to believe this is a thing, and he is desperate to believe that he doesn't sound like an absolute moron talking about it. And that is how we get "truths" like this on Truth Social:
Does anybody really believe that the COCAINE found in the West Wing of the White House, very close to the Oval Office, is for the use of anyone other than Hunter & Joe Biden. But watch, the Fake News Media will soon start saying that the amount found was “very small,” & it wasn’t really COCAINE, but rather common ground up Aspirin, & the story will vanish. Has Deranged Jack Smith, the crazy, Trump hating Special Prosecutor, been seen in the area of the COCAINE? He looks like a crackhead to me!
Totally normal. Obviously. Of course that is where the COCAINE "for the use of ... Hunter & Joe Biden" would be. (We guess in Republicans' syphilis-rotted brains, Hunter Biden lives there and sleeps on the floor somewhere in the West Wing.)
But watch! First the Fake News Media will say it was a "very small" amount. (Was it supposed to be a whole-ass kilo?)
Then they'll say it was just ground up Aspirin!
Has the COCAINE for the use of Hunter and Joe Biden been seen near DERANGED JACK SMITH, the guy who is prosecuting the living shit out of Donald Trump right now for all his crimes? He looks like a crackhead! And that is definitely the same drug! And Donald Trump knows this, because of hipness!
As Mediaite points out, we actually don't know where precisely the drugs were found. Yesterday, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said it was a "heavily traveled area." We guess Trump just decided to fill in the blanks in that part of the story for himself, and what made the most sense to him in his brain is that it was Joe Biden's cocaine and Hunter Biden's cocaine that is somehow accessible to Jack Smith, who likes crack.
Is it a good idea to still be insulting that guy in public? We are just curious, we are not Donald Trump's surely highly qualified lawyer.
All the normal and well-adjusted people who love Trump are pretty sure he made a hilarious joke in calling Jack Smith a crackhead. See Laura Loomer's emojis? She used the sideways laughing-until-crying one AND the right-side-up one, that denotes extreme hilarity.
— (@)
Cool.
For the record, Kayleigh McEnany sleuthed it on Fox News yesterday and determined the coke couldn't have been Hunter's. So if Trump starts shitting his adult Pampers and calling her a "Milktoast" again, that's probably why.
Anyway, today would be a good day for Jack Smith to drop a bunch more indictments or for Fulton County, Georgia, DA Fani Willis to get that show on the road.
Oh wait, she said her summer Fuck Around And Find Out concert series starts July 11.
Patience, us!
In summary and in conclusion, here is a fun video "The Daily Show" made about cocaine, if that's what we want to talk about:
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .