Trump Sleeps With The Boxes

Nothing weird here, just a bunch of documents where his wife ought to be!

Down in Fort Pierce, Florida, Judge Aileen Cannon has been busy doing her absolute best to delay, confuse and bumblefuck around fifty ways til Sunday with her bullshit to make sure that the trial of Very Honest Good Person Donald Trump and friends will begin on the eleventieth of never, and it’s getting beyond clear that somehow, some way, she will kibosh the case so that nothing ever comes of it. 

If any one of us plebes stole one of those folders and didn’t give them back, we’d be eating baloney in the pokey for a decade. But, special rules for special people!

Still, in court filings, details slip out, and in a filing Monday in response to some wah wah the FBI planted those boxes bullshit motion, Jack Smith dropped some previously unseen photos of Whiny Don’s beautiful mind boxes in the bedroom of his gaudy cockroach-infested Florida motel. And holy sweet baby Jesus, what a mess! Hoarders wept. And not just sloppy, but the man was sleeping with his boxes, hoarding them on the side of the bed where a heterosexually married guy’s wife would usually be.

From an unidentified White House staffer known only as “person 81,” who was interviewed by members of Jack Smith’s team on February 4, 2023:

SPECIAL COUNSEL DAVID RASKIN: And where is that cluster?

PERSON 81: Next to his bed. So if you walk into the room, his bed– there’s a nightstand, his bed, and then there’s, like, a – where another nightstand but nobody ever slept on that side of the bed usually so he would have it all full of boxes.

There’s clutter, and then there’s whatever this is. America’s priceless security secrets, crammed next to newspaper clippings, spilling out of banker boxes that look like they’ve been drop-kicked, stuffed next to a dusty case of Diet Coke, MAGA hats, an Hermès tie box, what looks like a fan portrait of his face, and art from the Home Goods bargain bin, all sprawling across a carpet inspired by the decor at a Vegas buffet. And no, the FBI didn’t leave them this way. These beauties woke up like this!

A whole staff of undocumented cleaning people down there, and no one was allowed in to tidy up those boxes? Or, he could have admitted to having the boxes when the FBI came calling the first time, they would have helped him sort out classified documents from press clippings and Christmas ornaments, for free, and not criminally charged him, either. But no, he went with lying about having the boxes, trying to get his lawyers to lie about the boxes, moving the boxes to his Bedminster golf resort and ex-wife cemetery, and cramming them in the Mar-a-Lago basement, West Vanilla Ice Ballroom, and spare shitter. Why was he so obsessed with keeping these boxes, and keeping them literally close as a lover?

And then there’s this eyebrow-raiser of a clipping:

Why would this treasonous asshole clip and save this article?

Val Broeksmit was the stepson of Deutsche Bank executive Bill Broeksmit, who died by suicide in 2014. The day after his suicide, Val found the passwords to his stepfather’s email accounts, and accessed documents that showed that the bank had serious financial reporting issues that they knew about for a decade but didn’t fix. He shared them with a reporter at the Wall Street Journal’s London bureau, David Enrich, who used them in writing a book, “Dark Towers: Deutsche Bank, Donald Trump, and an Epic Trail of Destruction.”

The documents also found their way to the curious eyeballs of anti-money-laundering agents at the New York Fed, and got Deutsche Bank fined $41 million. Val Broeksmit also spoke with the FBI, who found what he had to say intriguing enough that they helped him get a visa for his French girlfriend.

In 2019 House Democrats subpoenaed Deutsche Bank, in an attempt to solve the mystery of why they kept lending to Donny Default long after no other bank would, and even after he sued them so he wouldn’t have to pay back what he owed, because he’s cheap as shit and likes getting one over on people. Trump frantically sued Deutsche Bank to try to keep them from turning over records, and we were soon to find out why, after Deutsche Bank records became the chewy center of a delicious candy-coated blazzillion-dollar civil fraud case against Trump and his feckless spawn in New York.

Val died in 2022 of blunt-force trauma to the torso while trying to climb down a tree at a Los Angeles high school, and his death was ruled an accident. There’s no reason to believe it wasn’t. But why would Trump keep that clipping in a box next to his bed? It’s a mighty weird thing to save for a scrapbooking project, isn’t it? 

Whatever we think we know about the man’s doings, penchants and proclivities is surely just the tiniest tip of one demented iceberg. But let us pretend it’s not all darkness, that at night he turns the lights down low, puts on Cats and snuggles his boxes, sings to them, puts little wigs on them and together they read his love letters from Kim Jong Un.

Editrix’s note: I didn’t even know this was going to be about Deutsche Bank when I asked Marcie to write it. What a fuckin pro! Keep me paying her, please, and all the others. Thanks, you’re the greatest!