Trump So Horny To Release JFK Files, He Didn't Bother To Redact Hundreds Of Social Security Numbers First

This guy has the secret nuclear launch codes.

It is both an exciting and disappointing time for wingnut conspiracists and their theories about hidden government documents.

The conspiracists seem to always be sure that somewhere in the government’s vast files, there is a smoking gun that will tell them who killed Jeffrey Epstein or what really happened at Roswell or who really directed Poltergeist. Okay, maybe not that last one.

So imagine the disappointment of the conspiracists right now. A couple of weeks ago they had the big bust that was the release of the much-ballyhooed Jeffrey Epstein files. These files would surely implicate every Democrat alive in the sex trafficking that brought down the billionaire and prove that the Bidens, the Obamas, the Clintons, the DNC, the FDA, the NIH, the CDC, the NHL, Freemasons, Civil War enthusiasts (Union only), yogurt industry lobbyists, and the dude running that goddamn leafblower right outside the library door all conspired to take out the security cameras in the jail where Epstein was being held so someone could strangle him in his cell.

Well, that didn’t work out. So now they are on to the files surrounding John F. Kennedy’s 1963 assassination, arguably the most studied single event in America in the 20th century that people are nonetheless sure has not been solved yet.

The files were ordered released by Donald Trump, whose commitment to government transparency does not include anything he or his minions are doing. In fact, Trump was so transparent that he wouldn’t wait for the National Archives to redact personal information in the JFK files. The result is that the Social Security numbers of more than 400 people were made public, a cock-up not at all mitigated by the fact that most of those people are long dead.

What’s annoying is that President Squint is bragging about this as if he has done some great service. Peter Doocy told him on Friday that there were too many files to read, which has nothing at all to do with Doocy not being able to read shut up, and could Trump please just tell us who killed JFK?

Many presidents have failed to release more JFK files (except for the ones who did), but then along came Daddy and his incredibly cavalier attitude towards minor issues like privacy. Which, according to the Washington Post, sent the White House scrambling:

The National Archives started screening the documents for Social Security numbers so that the Social Security Administration could identify living individuals and issue them new numbers, a White House official said. In the meantime, the official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to publicly discuss the plan, said those affected will receive free credit monitoring.

Free credit monitoring! Wow, just like all those Internet pop-up ads always promise! And we bet having a new Social Security number, with all the places you might have had to give the old one, won’t be an exhausting pain.

The Post goes on to report that, much to our surprise, there are quite a few people named in the files who are still alive. In addition to witnesses, the files contain the names of staffers who worked on the Senate Church Committee, which investigated CIA abuses in the 1970s. There are also the names of staffers who served on the House Select Committee on Investigations, which investigated JFK’s murder.

Many whose Social Security numbers were exposed had become high-ranking officials in Washington. They include a former assistant secretary of state, a former U.S. ambassador, researchers in the intelligence world, State Department workers and prominent lawyers.

Imagine you are some 80-year-old retired CIA employee, and you get tossed into the nightmare of sorting out your affairs after your identity gets stolen and some scammer sticks you with the bill for a Rolls Royce Ghost. Or you start getting hassled by some conspiracist who is sure that both you and the government are still holding out, and he starts bombing your Facebook pictures of your grandkids with snarling threats that you better come clean, or else.

Just the kind of crap you want to spend your retirement dealing with.

But it’s all worth it because we found out who really killed John F. Kennedy, right? Eh, no. Much to the disappointment of conspiracists everywhere, many of these documents had been released before. Parts of some of them had been redacted — like those Social Security numbers — but there doesn’t appear to be much new information.

Documents Proving Epstein Was Murdered By Deep State Still Missing Somehow

The CIA had surveilled Lee Harvey Oswald more than previously known? Okay, let’s yell at whoever knew about Oswald but didn’t have the gift of prophecy. The CIA and Kennedy hated each other’s guts? We knew that one too. Investigators chased down any lead no matter how nutty the person putting it across? That’s a sign of a very thorough investigation. Good on you for that, government.

There is a part of yr Wonkette that enjoys watching the MAGA dogs catch the car that is government. They have spent so many years convincing each other absolutely of the notions that cabals of liberals are doing bad things intended to hurt the people, they simply cannot comprehend that they might be wrong. So the more they chase the ephemeral Epstein secrets or the money tentacles of George Soros or Social Security fraud, and the more that none of their theories about any of this pan out, the more their heads spin and they start turning on each other.

Hey, it’s a dystopian nightmare and we’re well into the “hide refugees in the attic” phase. Might as well take our small enjoyments where we can.

[Washington Post / BBC]

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