Trump Too Lazy/Scared/Indicted/Flawless Winner To Do Republican Debates, Will Spoon With Tucker Instead
Whatever.
The shivering anticipation is over. Donald Trump is scared to do the Republican debates, so he’s not gonna. Or he just doesn’t want to. Or he really is beating all the other sycophantic idiots so bad this time that he can reasonably say he’s above it, at least while he remains a free man.
He explained in perfect English on TruthSocial yesterday:
He said:
New CBS POLL, just out, has me leading the field by “legendary” numbers. TRUMP 62%, 46 Points above DeSanctimonious (who is crashing like an ailing bird!), Ramaswamy 7%, Pence 5%, Scott 3%, Haley 2%, Sloppy Chris Christie 2%, “Aida” Hutchinson 1%. The public knows who I am & what a successful Presidency I had, with Energy Independence, Strong Borders & Military, Biggest EVER Tax & Regulation Cuts, No Inflation, Strongest Economy in History, & much more. I WILL THEREFORE NOT BE DOING THE DEBATES!
God knows why he is calling Hutchinson “Aida,” but we have to admit we laughed out loud at the “ailing bird” line about DeSantis. (WHO’S THE LISTLESS VESSEL NOW, MEATBALL RON?)
Anyway, please raise your hand if you are surprised Donald Trump found a way to get out of all the debates. (Or maybe just the first two, both of which are affiliated with Fox.) He says he’s doing some kind of competing thingie with Tucker Carlson. Weird, since Tucker hates him so passionately. But anyway, we’re sure all Trump’s aging white supremacist dementia supporters will learn how to use The Artist Formerly Known As Twitter before Wednesday night, so they can watch it.
Meanwhile, most of the other NINE Republican candidates will fight it out to see who can lick Trump’s balls the hardest in absentia. (Nine? Yes, nine. Read this article, which announces that PERRY JOHNSON has qualified. PERRY JOHNSON? Yep, we don’t know who the fuck either.)
Speaking of Fox News, over on “Fox & Friends” this morning, Steve Doocy went to great pains to avoid saying Trump would be doing a competing event with Tucker. “An interview that was taped earlier last week, and they would run that. Unclear how long that would be or where it would run or any of that stuff.” Change subject! Change subject!
Doocy also dumbly said if Trump doesn’t debate, that could help Joe Biden, because it would be “giving Joe Biden an excuse for not debating Donald Trump.” This led to the entire “Fox & Friends” idiots projecting together that Biden wants this because Biden is senile and his brain isn’t capable of keeping up with chipper and spry Donald Trump. You can watch the clip at Mediaite if you’re dying to, or you can read the transcript from Mediaite, which we corrected for them:
“By skipping the debates, Donald Trump may actually be helping Joe Biden because he’s giving Joe Biden an excuse for not debating Donald Trump,” Doocy said. “That’s one of the things that Ronna McDaniel told the former president when she was trying to get him to do the first debate. But he said, nope, not going to do it.
“I don’t know how that would be, though. How could Joe Biden rationalize not going against Donald Trump?” Kilmeade asked.
“Because if Donald Trump says everybody knows me, I don’t need to do it, then Joe Biden goes, everybody knows me, I’m president!” Doocy explained, to which Earhardt added, “Joe Biden would LOVE to have an excuse not to be in the debate!” from the perspective of Joe Biden.
“I mean, if he doesn’t want to do the debate, I could totally understand it because he can’t get through a sentence,” Kilmeade added. “If you watched him over the weekend, just slur his way through that mini summit and who knows what’s going to happen in Hawaii.”
“Joe Biden would love to see Donald Trump not do it, then he’s got a perfect [unintelligible], I don’t have to do it either then!”
Mmhmm, well OK.
Speaking of Trump’s perfect brain, Trump fake-tweeted on Saturday that he definitely won Georgia, on account of how he won Alabama and South Carolina, which are right next to it.
Truly, how could Joe Biden ever hope to hold his own against that?
[Mediaite]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
LOOOOOL, PAB is skipping the debate because he's afraid of being roasted by Chris Christie, who is all out of fucks and ready to pay back the humiliation Shitler put him through in 2016. Hiding behind Fucker's suntanned balls isn't going to help. The media's warming up to Christie and whatever he says is going to be in all the headlines. Either way PAB loses.
"Meanwhile, most of the other NINE Republican candidates will fight it out to see who can lick Trump’s balls the hardest in absentia."
Teabegging