Tucker Says Secretary Mayor Pete Not On Spreadsheet Of Gays, Therefore Not Really Gay

It's not gay unless you write it down.

Tucker Carlson is speaking at the Republican National Convention, because we guess you don’t even have to have a real TV show to earn a speaking slot. Also speaking? Savannah Chrisley, the daughter from that tacky-ass “Chrisley Knows Best” show, the one where the joke is that “Wait, your parents are heterosexual married to each other?” (The parents are currently in prison for the frauds and the tax evasions. Maybe they are in a gang now with Steve Bannon, who is also a current American prisoner.)

This post is not about RNC speakers though (the full list is so sad and notably does not include Melania Trump or Ivanka Trump, two women who reportedly know Donald Trump). This post is about how Secretary Mayor Pete has been pulling the rainbow wool over all our eyes this whole time, with his fake gayness.

Tucker Carlson, the journalist with the career and the hopes and the dreams, broke the story.

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The Washington Examiner explains:

In a recent episode of his show, Carlson referred to Buttigieg as “supposedly gay.” He went on to recount how one of his producers, who is gay, told him that Buttigieg “is not gay.” Carlson says he believes his producer because “gays all keep close track of that stuff.” 

Yes, the spreadsheet, all gays knows it. Why must Tucker’s gay producer, who as a presumably Republican gay is definitely invited to all the gay parties and not just as a joke, reveal the truths that heretofore only Secretary Mayor Pete’s deep state crisis actor gay husband Chasten knew?

“My producer goes, ‘It’s totally a pose. He was dating women just a few years ago. It’s totally fake. He’s not gay at all,’” Carlson adds. “So, I said that on the air and people got all offended. I thought it was kind of hilarious.”

‘Kay.

We could spend time talking about the evidence for Pete Buttigieg being gay — like either he really is for real or he’s just EXTREMELY committed to the bit and his husband Chasten is reaping all the gay homosexual rewards — but fuck that. The gay conservative writer at the Washington Examiner does a serviceable job of that, actually.

Instead, gonna go armchair psychologist on y’all for a second, you ready?

Tucker Carlson has severe and well-documented masculinity issues and he has especially always demonstrated that he feels extremely threatened by Secretary Mayor Pete Buttigieg, a gay man who is strong and tough and manly and smart and (most importantly for our purposes here) seems exceedingly comfortable in his skin.

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PREVIOUSLY!

Tucker Says Low Testosterone Matters And Size Matters And Big Things Are Very Scary

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Tucker Carlson Having Normal, Healthy Reaction You'd Expect To Pete Buttigieg Being A Dad

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Tucker Carlson's New Bonermaker: 'Pete Buttigieg Dressed As Can Of Slutty Dinty Moore Beef Stew'

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So Tucker making up conspiracy theories about Pete not being gay, that’s what they call a defense mechanism, to protect his delicate psyche from having to confront that Pete is so much tougher of a dude than Tucker is and it’s not even close.

Look, we’re a doctor now! (Not a doctor.)

[Washington Examiner]

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