US Attorney Boxwine Already Can’t Remember Trying To Put Mark Kelly In Jail
That DOES sound like [hic!] her.
If you are Washington DC US Attorney Fox News Lady Judge Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro, it sounds like you have one thing on your mind, namely hey, can we forget this ever happened?
Let’s all go to sleep on whatever couch or corner of the room we stumble into, and tomorrow morning afternoon when we wake up, can we just never talk about this again? Can we go through the Whataburger drive-thru, order $95 worth of food we will leave on the coffee table when we get home, pass out on the toilet, and then tomorrow, the only evidence of tonight will be the wrappers and the empty Franzia boxes everywhere? Would that be OK?
We are of course referring to Pirro’s humiliating run trying to indict/prosecute six Democratic lawmakers for making a video where they said in simple terms out loud the legal fact that active duty troops and intel community workers have a responsibility to disobey unlawful orders. Not the option. The responsibility. The video came out when Secretary Pete The Shitfaced started murdering random men in boats in the middle of the sea, and seems even more pertinent now, as Donald Trump may be about to start a war with Iran, for reasons he doesn’t even appear to understand.
Nobody even knew what law Pirro was trying to prosecute them for allegedly breaking, and that included the prosecutors in her own office.
The Don’t Upset Dear [hic!] Leader Act Of Two-Thousand-No-YOU-Walk-In-A-Straight-Line-Officer-Shut-Up?
When she took it to the grand jury, it wasn’t just a no bill, literally zero grand jurors were buying what she was selling. Zero. You usually can find at least a few idiots in the room, even on the exceedingly rare occasions when you can’t get a majority of the grand jury to indict whatever ham sandwich you’ve brought them. Not in this case.
Instead Boxwine got 12 Uncontrollably Giggling Men, or women, or some other combination of woke genders. (Actually federal grand juries are 16 to 23 members, but that doesn’t work for the joke.)
NBC News reports that Pirro has quietly put that whole embarrassing attempt to prosecute and jail Democrats for stating the law out loud on the shelf. She has “decided” this, according to three sources, as opposed to having the howls of laughter bouncing off the walls of any room in DC where two or more lawyers are gathered having decided it for her.
NBC:
While a potential case against the six lawmakers is now considered dead in Washington, that decision wouldn’t necessarily bar a federal prosecutor from trying to bring a case in a different federal court district, though there have been no public indications that will happen.
We’d say nobody would be that big of an idiot, but nobody can confidently say that during these days of the Trump regime.
This of course comes after Pirro’s string of hilarious failures trying to get grand juries to indict protesters for viciously beating ICE agents to death with hoagies and other similar non-crimes. (Don’t worry, they all got better, because of how you really can’t kill people with baguettes, lunchmeat, or the First Amendment.)
Donald Trump of course wanted Senators Mark Kelly and Elissa Slotkin, and Reps. Jason Crow, Chrissy Houlahan, Maggie Goodlander, and Chris DeLuzio put to death, for reading words out of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Words they know well because of the honorable service they provided the country in the military and intel communities, which is more than you can say for any of the traitors, pedophiles, Nazis, and/or feral pigs who staff the Trump regime.
Boxwine Pirro was unable to even achieve summoning those lawmakers to her office for a stern talking-to, much less a prosecution, re-education session, or summary execution.
Oh well, guess you establish a right-wing dictatorship with the fascists you have, not the ones you wish you had. And hoo-boy, these are some fuckin’ dumb fascists.
Noting that this comes the week after the Department of Justice pulled some serious North Korean shit by hanging a banner of Dear Leader’s face upon its edifice, NBC News outlines Pirro’s recent contributions to tearing down the walls between the Justice Department and the White House, a veritable crash course in abandoning all semblance of legal ethics and just licking fascist butt:
In the days before attorneys working for Pirro presented the case to a federal grand jury, Pirro made more than a dozen posts praising Trump, though she never publicly spoke about the case against the lawmakers or tied it to Trump. One post read that criminal cases were being brought “Under the directive of @POTUS.” On Monday, she posted a video recorded “right outside the White House” in which she praised Trump.
And here are a couple views of that banner:
So that’s what’s happening in the United States right now. Once Peter Thiel and JD Vance decide Trump is past his sell-by date and make their move, can turning the Washington Monument into a giant cross like in The Handmaid’s Tale be far behind?
We firmly believe that no Democrats should show up to the State of the Union tonight, as doing so recognizes the legitimacy of a president who doesn’t deserve it. (We, in fact, will be going with “alternative programming” so see you back here at 7:45 Eastern!) There’s currently no “office of the presidency” to respect, at least not in any American sense of the phrase. But we will make an exception for Kelly, who explained why he’s showing up:
“This guy thought I would be in in jail,” Kelly told reporters Monday. “Wants to send me to prison.”
Still, he said he would attend Trump’s State of the Union speech Tuesday. “I’m gonna continue to do my job, and I’m going to be sitting there right in front of him, he said. “You know, maybe he’ll notice, maybe not, but I feel it’s my obligation, you know, to be there.”
Even better reason for all the rest of the Democrats to be elsewhere. Let it just be Kelly sneering into Trump’s vacant soul.
Oh well, we can dream.
Let’s watch the video Kelly, Slotkin, and the others made once again! In fact, let’s watch it three times, to see if that summons the restoration of the rule of law in the United States of America.
Worth a shot!
OPEN THREAD!
[NBC News]
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Some Harry for your Tuesday. https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-219110663?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
Overheard on bsky:
I think we can agree that members of the US men’s hockey team attending the SOTU tonight are getting the punishment they deserve.