Trump War On Iran Comes Earlier Every Year
Is it Iran War O'Clock already???
Jah help us all, President Donald John Trump, who ran on No New Wars, is lubing up to maybe bomb Iran again.
Didn’t we already write these articles? Are we having an acid flashback again?
Yes and yes and yes and yessssssssssss … where were we?
There’s been a buildup of US presence in the area, with bombers, fighter jets, and refueling aircraft coalescing in the strike zone. Four days ago Trump said Iran had 10 days to “make a deal.”
Award yourself a point if you have already guessed that Iran refused Trump’s offer to join his scammy Board of Peace!
AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A DEAL, grunted pancake face.
A deal! Like, say, the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action deal Trump himself pulled out of in 2018 that President Barack Hussein Obama, John Kerry, the European Union, China, and Russia had lovingly and painstakingly crafted two years before? The Trump-pulling-out-of-which predictably preceded Iran in 2019 announcing plans to build a second reactor, and do more enriching? Maybe one like that one?
YES, EXACTLY LIKE THAT ONE!
And now Trump, same way he’s been pulling with Ukraine and NATO, is angry about having no say about agreements he himself is choosing to not be a part of.
Whatever, bitch.
And oh hey, Trump golf buddy/special-est Middle East and Russia envoy Steve Witkoff, didn’t human gas station boner pill Pete Hegseth OBLITERATE and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED Iran’s nuclear capabilities back in June with OPERATION MIDNIGHT HAMMER?
So much for that.
Trump has also suggested maybe he will bomb because Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s regime is not respecting the rights of protestors, because that’s the sort of flagrant hypocrisy and double standards that perks up his prunes. How can he say that while his ICE goons murder people in the street or ship them to a filthy gulag just for looking at one of them funny? With his wet little mouth hole, in your face, all day long!
Meanwhile, the Ayatollah has bewildered Trump and his dipshits by continuing to say no to them.
So what else is a raging, malignant narcissist to do to distract from his many failures at home? There’s child-rape accusations against him in the Epstein files, the sinking economy and his tariff loss from SCOTUS, his 36 percent approval rating with only 19 percent of voters strongly approving of him, etc., etc.!
Striking Iran would help Secretary of WAR Pete Hegseth spend more of that $500 billion Congress handed him that he has yet to apportion. And core to Trump’s 19-percent-strong-approval base are Zionist evangelicals with beliefs along the lines of Mike Huckabee’s and the rich Armageddon-curious conspiracy theorists who go to Peter Thiel’s Antichrist talks: that Trump is God’s flawed, maybe even very flawed chosen human vessel on earth, but his sins are between him and Jesus and worth tolerating so long as he keeps moving along a plot line that ends with Judgment Day Jesus floating back and annihilating all the Jews. And Zionist Jews, also less than a third of American Jewish people, are happy to accept the US’s help in dominating the Middle East until the day the Christian Zionists notice their Messiah has ghosted them.
But downsides! It would be politically unpopular with the other, anti-Israel faction of the MAGA base, which has been getting pumped up by the likes of Nick Fuentes, Tucker Carlson, and Candace Owens into suspicion that Israel and/or every Jewish person is setting US foreign policy to the detriment of America First. And while 59 percent of Israelis support a strike on Iran, only 21 percent of US citizens do.
And Iran is guaranteed to strike back at US assets in the Middle East, including bases in countries who did pony up for Trump’s grifty Board of Peace, like Saudi Arabia and Qatar. A bad look for other potential bribers, making them wonder what it is even worth to pay that money to join Trump’s club, bribe him with a plane, or give billions to the likes of Jared Kushner, dumbshit Eric, and Zach Witkoff if The Peace is worse than ever?
And the disruption of a military presence and ongoing strikes around the Gulf drive up prices of The Gas, which drives up the prices of everything else, and voters are already mad at Trump about the economy.
And not least, it would be futile. Iran, nee Persia, is home to the world’s oldest continuous civilization for good reason! The place is shaped like a stinkbug trap, see above, and while invaders may be able to get in by air or sea, it is not so easy getting out trapped by the ring of all those mountains with weapons and shit stuffed up in them. Hegseth could drop Big Boy Bunker Busting Bombs or even inflict mass casualties bombing cities, or do a coup or whatever, but Iran has about 17 nuclear facility sites, mostly buried deep in the mountains.
And just like last time, Trump’s open dithering is giving the Iranians plenty of time to move their nuclear whatevers into a different mountain. Even if Hegseth gets a hit, they can go back to China to rebuild whatever was lost. Castles made of sand!
Welp, thanks for coming along on this little distraction-ride with us. Will Trump chicken out, or will we have OPERATION MIDNIGHT HAMMER II: THE REBONERING?
Place your bets!
[Washington Post gift link / NY Times gift link]
TCM is airing Gaslight opposite the State of the Union. Probably just a coincidence.
And I haven’t even finished taking my Invasion of Greenland decorations down.