Magic Vacuum Vaginas: Right-Wing Grifters Repackage Incel 'Science' As Dating Advice

Oh this whole thread is just a treasure.

There are a lot of things that separate the Left and the Right in this country. Basic human decency is a big one. Another is grifters. We just don't really have the same amount of grifters on our side. No one is really out there trying to sell us commemorative "gold" coins or Biden-themed pretend credit cards or food buckets or their own brand of nootropics. We also don't have a lot of complete randos trying to sell themselves as love gurus.

Thanks to the horrors of Twitter as we now know it, I have discovered that there are far, far more right-wing grifters out there trying to earn a living selling themselves as dating and romance experts than I had previously imagined. And I had imagined there were a lot of them!

The fascinating (???) thing about them, however, is the way they are taking many of the the bizarre beliefs and theories that incels have developed after years in their own online echo chambers, and trying to sell those beliefs as actual dating advice .

And if you follow this advice, you, too, could be like this woman, with a neckbeard of your very own to cherish and love.

She's so lucky! 

This particular thread (from one of these grifty romance gurus that now has a checkmark and is therefore algorithmically boosted into the feed) has been going around Twitter this week, largely because of its bizarre claim that vaginas are capable of vacuuming a penis up into them, if the person with the vagina is sufficiently in love with the person on the other end of the penis.

"If the woman really loves the man, as soon as her genitals reach the man's, she silently sucks up his organ within herself," the user claims. "The man has no need to make any effort. If the woman's love is strong, her body sucks up his organ as air is sucked up into an empty space."

As anyone who has ever had sex before can tell you, that is definitely not a thing .

"This is a very astonishing fact that only a few wise men know," the user continues "If this does not come about, the only reason is that the woman does not love this man; therefore, her body does not perform the act of suction. As a result, all men's actions are aggressive and all women's are passive."

See, sex-havers? No one loves you, either!

Another astonishing fact, according to this aspiring love guru, is that women "can have endless sex in a night while men must wait several hours to regain some energy after each ejaculation." Yes. Several hours . This is because, you see, women are basically succubi who steal all of the man's energy from him while having sex. Because men are "givers" and women are "receivers."

One of the most popular theories among incels is that when a woman has sex with a man, his DNA is absorbed into her body and it changes her psychologically — which means that the more men a woman has sex with, the "crazier" she becomes. Because science and not because it's unfair that those women are having sex with men who are not them.

This guy, however, puts a new spin on that theory by going back to Sanskrit — and as we all know, if it's in Sanskrit, it has to be true.

Runanubandha" - The Honey Trap of Physical Memory: Women's bodies absorb a lot of masculine energies and memories of those with whom they had sex (especially the very first) because of their soft bodies and passive receivers of sexual energies.

In Sanskrit, this physical memory of the body is called runanubandha Runanubandha is the physical memory you carry within you. Wherever there is physical intimacy—particularly of a sexual nature—the body registers the memory deeply.

And so the arrangement of committed relationships in any society is based on a bedrock of profound intelligence.

The logic is simple: since a significant exchange of memory occurs in any physical encounter, if you confuse the body’s memory with too many physical impressions, your system grows confused, resulting in an unhappy marriage and family life Once your memory system becomes complicated, it could take a lot more work to settle your life.

That's why it's always advised to marry young and virgin girls to ensure that she is mentally fit and doesn't come with any baggage of physical memory to her husband's life.

Is it always advised? Is this by everyone or only by people who think women in love have magic vacuum vaginas? Or perhaps just by people who don't want their future spouse to notice that they are very bad in bed?

None of this, of course, applies to men, who can have sex with all the women they want without magically absorbing anyone's physical memory.

Sex with multiple partners has less of an impact on men than it does on women.

Listen. The sexual act creates maximum runanubandha between people.

In this exchange, the female body, being more receptive and soft, registers physical intimacy much more deeply than the male.

When the woman bears a child, a large part of this memory is downloaded onto her offspring. If she complicates her system further by having sex with too many men, the suffering can be enormous for her and her future child.

Well that is just science! And definitely not a weird revenge fantasy desperately grasped onto by sexless, misogynistic men who want to believe that, by having sex with men who are not them, women are psychologically tortured and rendered forever miserable.

It's also worth noting here that the Twitter profile for Incels.is — the site that replaced PUAHate, the forum that radicalized mass murderer Elliot Rodger — also now has a blue checkmark and is boosted in people's feeds and in comments.

This is the kind of quality philosophical discourse that Elon Musk wants to algorithmically boost on Twitter. Tune in to today's live chat at 3pm Eastern, 12pm Pacific for more on these exciting new developments.

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