Welcome to Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Wicked Pissah!

A cocktail with gumption. Moxie, even.

This’ll put hair on your chest, whether you want it there or not.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. Today I’ve got a cocktail that’s inspired by the national soft drink of Maine, sometimes referred to as the “Malört of soda.” That’s a little harsh, but so is the soda. It took some doing to coax the goodness out of this little prize, but I think I’ve got something tasty here. Let’s make a Wicked Pissah. Here’s the recipe:

Wicked Pissah…

1 ½ oz Aviation Gin

½ oz. lime juice

½ oz. house grenadine

2 dashes Angostura bitters

Moxie Soda

Mint sprig

Add all ingredients except the mint to a double old fashioned glass over ice. Stir 6-8 times. Garnish with a mint sprig. 

House Grenadine

8 oz. POM pomegranate juice

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. pomegranate molasses

Heat all ingredients in a saucepan until the sugar dissolves. Bottle and refrigerate. 

I was inspired to make up a Moxie cocktail after Greg from How to Drink raved about this soda. Greg seemed to think that it should be on tap at bars across the nation as a mixer. Anything that’s far enough off the beaten path to be compared to Malört and yet earn raves from an epicure like Greg has my attention, so I gave it a taste. 

My analysis? Moxie is not for the faint of heart. Frank Anicetti, “Mr. Moxie” out of Lisbon, Maine, described it thus:

“To a newcomer who’s never tasted Moxie, because of the different taste, it can be compared to nothing else. On the first taste, you might want to spit it out and throw it away. Don’t. On the second test, you might want to do the same, but don’t. Wait for that third taste to allow the true flavor of Moxie to tickle the tastebuds…”

Compare and contrast with the back of a bottle of Malört:

“Most first-time drinkers of Jeppson Malört reject our liquor. Its strong, sharp taste is not for everyone. Our liquor is rugged and unrelenting (even brutal) to the palate... The first shot is hard to swallow! Persevere! Make it past two 'shock-glasses' and with the third you could be ours... forever.”

The similarities are, well, distressing. Moxie tastes like barely-sweet root beer, paired with a cloying, dry bitterness that lasts forever in your mouth. It is not, in any way, similar to cola, or any other soda I’ve tasted. Greg’s palate is definitely different from yours or mine; this unruly mare from the state of Maine needed some attention to bring out its charms. 

Whenever I taste a strange ingredient, I like to break it down into its component flavors and see what pairs with those notes. Fortunately, Dr. Augustin Thompson of Union, Maine, left us a pretty good idea with the ingredients of his 1876 Moxie Nerve Beverage: gentian, sarsaparilla, mint and sugar form the base flavors, along with some secret ingredients. (No, there’s no cocaine in it, unlike its contemporaries.) Those flavors aren’t too hard to work with and rebalance. Let’s talk ingredients – I need to walk you through all the choices I’ve made:

Ingredient shot. The label on that Moxie ain’t whistling Dixie, see?

Aviation Gin: I’m not a fan of celebrity-endorsed spirits, but Ryan Renolds’ gin has some things going for it that make it the logical choice here. Aviation has some nice citrus notes up front, no juniper to speak of, and ends with a faint sarsaparilla finish. The root beer notes are up front on Moxie, so adding some more sarsaparilla at the back end makes the experience consistent.

Lime juice: You always need some acid in a sugary drink to balance things. I’m adding a little more sugar to soda, so the lime juice is definitely needed. A quarter of a lime should suffice.

House Grenadine: Rose’s Grenadine is red food coloring, corn syrup, and sadness. Use my version instead. The earthy tartness grounds the cocktail nicely while giving us just a touch more sweetness.

Angostura bitters: I’m proud of this touch. Angostura and Moxie both use gentian as their bittering agent; the two get along like houses. The bitters also tie the grenadine and soda together, helping the sweet syrup linger until the back of the cocktail, where it ameliorates the harsh “Malört-y” finish. 

Moxie Soda: This isn’t as hard to find as you might think. Boutique sodas are finding a home at comic book and collectible stores, like Sweets and Geeks here in Ohio. Coca Cola owns Moxie, so it’s not hard to pick up. Amazon sells it (and gives us a little commission too, if you use the link). It is a…unique experience, so if you pick up a six pack, be aware you’re in for a commitment. 

Mint Sprig: Actually necessary. The scent of the mint and the dash of mint oil brightens the drink nicely. Be sure to slap your mint leaves on the edge of the bar before service. It’s a Moxie cocktail. The garnish can roll with the punches. 

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!  

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OPEN THREAD!