Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Haiku!

The inevitable samurai cocktail.

That is a pretty, pretty cocktail. And a tasty sushi plate.

Greetings, Wonketeers.

A springtime Asian Gibson.

Here’s the recipe.

Haiku

1 ½ oz Roku gin

½ oz sesame-washed Tito’s vodka

1 oz nigori sake

2 barspoons pickled onion brine

Nori komi furikake

Roll half the rim of a martini glass in nori komi furikake (sushi rice seasoning). Place the martini glass in the freezer. Shake all ingredients and pour into the chilled prepared martini glass. Garnish with a pickled red onion.

Sesame-washed Tito’s

1 pint Tito’s Vodka

2 oz sesame oil

Pour off 2 oz of vodka. Add sesame oil to the bottle of Tito’s. Shake vigorously. Place in the freezer overnight. The next day, poke a hole in the frozen oil on top of the bottle and double-strain the vodka into a container. Keeps indefinitely when refrigerated.

Cocktail onions

2 cups Champagne vinegar

1 ¾ cups water, plus 2 cups for the initial onion boil

1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon salt

½ tablespoon pickling spice

1 pound red pearl onions

Bring 2 cups of water to a boil. Place the unpeeled pearl onions in the boiling water for 1 minute. Strain the onions out of the water and shock them in an ice bath. Cut off the onion tops and squeeze them out of their skins to peel them.

Bring vinegar, 1 ¾ cups water, sugar, salt, and spice to a boil. Add the peeled onions and let boil for 1 minute. Strain out the onions with a slotted spoon. Chill the pickling liquid and onions in separate containers overnight. The next day, return the onions to the brine. Keeps in the refrigerator for six months.

This one is, admittedly, a fair amount of work. But the finished cocktail is truly fantastic — slightly sweet, deeply savory, roasted, sour … a lot is going on in this glass. If you can’t motivate yourself to tackle this beast, you still owe it to yourself to try the cocktail onion recipe. These are easily the prettiest cocktail onions I’ve ever seen. It will be hard to garnish my martinis with olives after this.

The inspiration for this drink started with the dirty sriracha martinis some guests requested on a Friday night at the country club. They weren’t much to speak of — just olive brine, vodka, and a bar spoon of the old rooster sauce. But my daughter was intrigued, so I started experimenting with Asian flavors in a martini format. I began by playing with gochujang, a Korean spice paste that gives kimchi its bright red color. It’s delicious stuff — smokey, fiery, and a touch sweet — but it ran roughshod over every flavor I paired with it. Some research suggested that gochujang would meld nicely with honey and mezcal. It made sense, but I’ve run at least two spicy margaritas by now. I’m filing that information away for the summer. I discarded the idea of a “spicy” martini and decided to lean into other Asian ingredients.

As soon as I picked up the gochujang, I wanted a contrasting sesame element. Fat-washing vodka is a quick, easy way to infuse a spirit; I’d done it before with my Maple Bacon Old Fashioned and Filthy Martini. Some sesame oil from the Asian market worked beautifully. The roasted, earthy, nutty flavor of the sesame vodka was bewitching. I wasn’t in love with the Asian spice paste, but this sesame flavor intrigued me.

I decided on a split martini base — vodka and gin together. The smoky green-tea notes of Roku gin harmonized with the sesame vodka nicely. I only needed ¾ ounce of sesame to balance the flavors. For the “vermouth” component of the martini, I swapped in some nigori sake for my usual Cocci Americano. The sweet pear and rice notes of the sake played off the sesame and tea wonderfully.

On to the garnish. A cocktail olive would be wildly out of place in this glass. I’ve never cared for Gibsons; they’re not much more than a martini with an onion instead of an olive. A freshly pickled pearl onion would be far tastier than the gelid, ghostly onions sold at the liquor store. This cocktail onion recipe from Meaghan Dorman proved delicious. The onions were slightly firm and crunchy, but packed with flavor — an excellent snack in the middle of this sushi boat of a cocktail.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. The sushi disappeared immediately after this photo was taken.

Roku gin: Tanqueray would be my gin of choice in this glass if Roku wasn’t in the budget. I’d still want to spring for the Roku if I could. Japanese gin makes perfect sense in a background of Asian ingredients.

Sesame-washed vodka: This is literally the secret sauce that makes this cocktail special. I used Tito’s as a base spirit, but any vodka will do. Be careful if you scrape the bottom of the barrel for your vodka. The absolute cheapest stuff labels itself as “vodka spirits,” which means it’s been adulterated with lord-knows-what. If you wouldn’t drink it normally, don’t use it as an ingredient.

Nigori sake: Cloudy sake contains a little unfermented rice. A little sediment at the base of the bottle is normal; shake before using. Nigori sake is more flavorful and less “clean” tasting than clear sake. It’s ideal as a cocktail ingredient.

Pickling brine: Be very sparing with this ingredient. The cocktail isn’t a dirty martini; it’s a martini that contains a delicious pickled garnish. A little goes a long way.

Garnishes: The sushi rice seasoning on the rim of the glass is optional, but the scent of the sesame and nigori enhances the cocktail. The pickled onions are truly delicious. If you looked at this complex drink and tapped out, do yourself a favor and make the onions anyway. You won’t regret it.

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!

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We aren’t linking to Amazon anymore, because fuck that coward Bezos with a rusty bar spoon. Go read Exploring the World of Japanese Craft Sake: Rice, Water, Earth instead. This James Beard award-winning book is a deep dive into a spirit I’ve barely explored. I’m grabbing this from the library and learning more as soon as I can.

You can find me on Bluesky at @samuraigrog!

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