Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With More NOLA Shenanigans!

For as long as Hooper's liver could hold out. Which, actually, wasn't all that long.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. Last week, I wrote about the first day of my trip to New Orleans. Today, I’ll cover the remainder of my weekend bender in NOLA. Spoiler alert: Eventually, my liver decided enough was enough. Let’s start drinking.

A healthy salad to go with brunch.

Day 2: 12:28 PM, Cafe Fleur de Lis

Bloody Mary #2

1 oz Tito’s Vodka

½ oz Worcester sauce

½ oz horseradish

2-3 oz Bloody Mary mix

Shake and strain into a pint glass over ice. Garish with a lemon wedge, olive, and pickled okra.

If you’re taking notes, this is my second Bloody Mary on day two of my trip. I have it on good authority that only scoundrels of low character drink Bloody Marys after noon, which tracks. I had this one with brunch at Cafe Fleur de Lis on Chartres Street. My wife had fallen in love with the seafood Benedict last time we were here, and I’m pleased to report that a Bloody Mary with crab cakes, perfectly poached eggs, and Hollandaise sauce is a match made in heaven.

After a delightful lunch, I needed to take a walk to Rampart Street. I definitely needed to clear my head, but I also had a destination in mind. The Quarter often feels like a fairyland built for tourists. Rampart Street starts to resemble a real street in a real city, with mundane hardware stores interspersed with quirky sandwich shops and genuine 24-hour dive bars. But it’s also home to Bar Tonique, the oldest craft bar in NOLA. I definitely wanted to visit this particular landmark to mixology … and they were serving $6 Mai Tais for happy hour.

It’s a beautiful bar with high brick walls and oodles of charm.

Day 2, 2:24 PM, $6 Mai Tai, Bar Tonique

Discount Mai Tai

1 ½ oz El Dorado 5 Year Rum

¾ oz curacao

½ oz house orgeat

½ oz lime juice

Shake and strain into a rocks glass over ice. Garnish with a mint sprig.

House Orgeat

1 cup unsweetened almond milk

1 cup sugar

3-4 drops orange blossom water

Heat all ingredients over a small saucepan until the sugar is fully dissolved. Strain and store in a sealable bottle. Keeps 1 month refrigerated.

$6 for a Mai Tai is really cheap. I haven’t had a good one for less than $15 to date. But this glass was delightfully restrained and mellow. The curacao and orgeat supported the rum rather than competing with it, resulting in a beautifully rum-forward drink that was eminently sippable. I’m reconsidering my approach to Mai Tais after this. There’s a lot to be said for letting the rum speak for itself in this glass.

After this tasty treat, I made friends with some fellow Midwesterners and discussed the specs for a perfect lemon-drop martini. Then I asked the bartender for a taste of whatever she’d been working on lately. She offered a spiced candy cocktail that reminded me of Red Hots, but in a complex, compelling way. Then the president of the Bartender’s Guild in Cleveland reached out to me and informed me that the Sazeracs at Bar Tonique were particularly good. This would be my third Sazerac of the day … but sure, why not? I stopped taking photographs. My notes started getting a touch vague. Time to retreat and regroup.

I’m not saying that I had had too much to drink. But there were signs.

Day 2: 5 O’ Clock Somewhere, The Will And The Way

I walked, more or less in a straight line, to my final destination, The Will and the Way. This little oasis in the heart of the Quarter has some lovely cocktails, but I was so far gone at this point that I was reduced to taking a few sips of one, scrawling some notes, and ordering another. I recall drinking an ube-and-umami vermouth cocktail that was ... purple. And thick. Possibly too much umami there. And a “Dr. Pepper” Manhattan that was rich with cherry flavors at the front, but had too much black pepper on the finish. I don’t remember much else. Definitely time to go home.

That evening, I had a lovely Revillon menu at a nearby restaurant with my wife. I might have had another Sazerac. I definitely had some red snapper. In the wee hours of the morning, my liver and GI tract explained to me, in excruciating detail, that I’m almost 55 years old and can’t drink like this anymore without consequences. I am very lucky that my spouse loves me as much as she does.

Day 3: 9:55 AM, Cafe Beignet

Cafe Au Lait

4 oz chicory coffee

4 oz steamed whole milk

Add coffee to a warmed coffee cup. Slowly stir in the warmed milk. Sip gently.

… yeah, no more Bloody Marys for me.

The rest of the trip involves shopping the French Market, seeing the sights, and enjoying a much more pleasant Revillon dinner at the Court of Two Sisters. With a glass of house wine. Everything in moderation. I did swing by Jean Lafitte’s Absinthe House before leaving my favorite city on earth. I explained, carefully, that it was rather cold out and that I’d had too much to drink. They understood completely.

Yes. That is an ex-Sazerac in the background. I regret nothing.

Day 3, 9:49 PM, Jean Lafitte’s Absinthe House

Irish Coffee

2 oz Tullamore D.E.W.

1 oz brown sugar

4-5 oz chicory coffee

Add brown sugar to a footed coffee cup. Pour 1 oz of coffee into the cup and stir until fully dissolved. Add the remaining coffee and serve.

… here’s hoping you never change, NOLA.

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by and I’ll make a drink for you… or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette.

OPEN THREAD!