What Does Your Brainworm Say About You? Tabs, Mon., June 3, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

A transcript of Trump’s Finnegans Wake of a presser after his 34 felony convictions. You don’t have to read the whole thing, obviously. But it’s worth five minutes of daaaang. (Brad DeLong)

Oh no, Dean (?) Phillips (??) has caught Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brainworm, is calling on New York Gov. Kathy Hochul to pardon Donald Trump. (Daily Beast)

Trump is trying to get outlaw cred. He’s just a grubby pathetic old man. (Amanda Marcotte at Salon)

Which is true! But while he’s bringing actual murder-gangsters onstage with him and trying to appeal to young Black and Latino dudes, it might behoove us to stop keening about our perfect, unerring justice system — which none of us believes, and the White House should stop intimating it — and just point out that nah, Old Toddler up there had actual lawyers, and there sure wasn’t any mistaken identity. Anyway, here’s some of the experts who said he could get jail — because other people who do that crime sure do. (Salon)

The AP centered the focus on the Central Park Five — the teens Trump called to execute for a horrible gang rape despite the small tiny fact that they didn’t do it — and talked to some Black leaders. I know, crazy right? (AP)

You’ll probably want to just read Adam Serwer on it, about how Trump’s only problem — as always — was it wasn’t rigged enough. (The Atlantic)

Sure sure, Trump never said lock her up. Sure. I’m done here. (Mediaite)

The origins of Strip Search Sammy Alito. Jesus Christ. (Jeff Tiedrich)

Hey remember those Texas women who sued because the abortion ban endangered their lives? The Texas supreme court doesn’t. (CNN)

Jacksonvillains hand-lighting the city bridge for Pride, because Ron DeSantis is an asshole. How beautiful! What a piece of shit! (Florida Times-Union)

Bilbo Baggins is a rentier. (Goldwag’s Journal on Civilization)

Crows can count. (PopSci)

Good lord, my good son is thirty today! Which means it is the weekend right now and I’m making this tres leches cake. I will put up a picture if I remember to! Unless I don’t! (Natasha’s Kitchen) Ok, I fucked up the egg whites (too much yolk, wouldn’t whip) and had to start over. So then I had five extra egg yolks (and sugary, won’t whip whites). What to do with extra egg yolks. Oh damn, those all look better than the cake. (Pete and Gerry’s)

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