What You Need (Or Don't Need!) To Know About The Epstein Documents.

Sorry!

On Wednesday night, hundreds and hundreds of previously redacted pages of legal documents related to the case of sex creep/financier Jeffrey Epstein were released to the public, following a December court order. Forty documents were released, although more than 200 are expected to be released in the coming days.

This first batch didn’t contain a ton of new revelations. We’ve already heard most of these names before, but there are new details to some of the allegations. The documents, in total, are expected to reveal over 100 names of Epstein’s personal and business associates, as well as some of his accusers.

Of course, not every single person named in the documents was necessarily involved in or aware of any sex trafficking — in fact, it appears that the majority were not. Part of the way Epstein provided cover for himself was specifically by associating with people who had no idea about his activities, so that they could say, “Well, I’ve been on that plane and I didn’t see anything weird, so this must all be nonsense!”

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What Are They And Where Did They Come From?

The documents do not include an actual list of names, however many of those mentioned are those who were previously named in previously unredacted lawsuits — such as those who flew on Epstein’s private jet, known as the Lolita Express.

The documents include excerpts of unredacted depositions from Ghislaine Maxwell and Epstein accusers Virginia Roberts Giuffre and Johanna Sjoberg. This is the first time Sjoberg’s deposition has been released to the public in any form, and that’s where most of the new allegations are coming from.

Prince Andrew’s Puppet Show

Prince Andrew is no longer publicly a Your Royal Highness as a result of his entanglements with Epstein and the accusations from Virginia Giuffre, and settled out-of-court with Giuffre in 2022 on a lawsuit regarding her allegations that he sexually abused her when she was a minor.

In Sjoberg’s deposition, she told the strange story of how she came to know that Prince Andrew was Prince Andrew.

“At one point, Ghislaine told me to come upstairs,” Sjoberg said, “and we went into a closet and pulled out the puppet, the caricature of Prince Andrew, and brought it down. And there was a little tag on the puppet that said ‘Prince Andrew’ on it, and that's when I knew who he was.”

Sjoberg was asked if it looked like him, and she said it did.

“[S]he brought it down and presented it to him,” Sjoberg continued, “And that was a great joke, because apparently it was a production from a show on BBC. And they decided to take a picture with it, in which Virginia and Andrew sat on a couch.

“They put the puppet on Virginia's lap, and I sat on Andrew's lap, and they put the puppet's hand on Virginia's breast, and Andrew put his hand on my breast, and they took a photo.”

Oh, how very whimsical.

Let’s Get The Bill Clinton Part Out Of The Way Now

We all know Bill Clinton was friends with Epstein, although he and his representatives insist that this was all before anything came out about his proclivities.

In her testimony, Sjoberg was asked if she ever met Clinton or if she ever saw him in a helicopter being flown by Ghislaine Maxwell and said no, but that she did hear Epstein say at one point that he “likes them young, referring to girls.”

Alan Dershowitz Is, As Usual, Overconfident.

You know, it would really be a whole lot easier to believe Alan Dershowitz’s denials that he had anything to do with any of this if he hadn’t literally spent the last 30 years arguing that the age of consent should be brought down to 15, maybe 14, on very stupid grounds like — PARAPHRASE! — if a teenager can consent to an abortion why can’t she consent to sex with a much older man, no need to say who that man might be, wink wink. (Liz wrote at length about his ruminations on age of consent here. They are bad ruminations!)

Nevertheless, Dersh is saying that he supports the release of the documents, which he says will prove he did nothing wrong. So far, however, former members of Epstein’s household staff testified that Dersh came over there to get massages — which, as we know, was something Epstein used to bring in girls to be trafficked, that Dersh often came to the house by himself and that they saw him “in the presence of young girls.” (He claimed many times that he, a happy nudist, always kept his skivvies on.)

David Copperfield Swears It Was All An Illusion

Magician David Copperfield was another name that came up a lot in the documents. Sjoberg testified that she met him at a dinner one time and that he was there with a girl who seemed young to her, though she didn’t know how old the girl was.

Copperfield did magic tricks and at one point, Sjoberg said, asked her if she “was aware that girls were getting paid to find other girls.”

Robert Kennedy Wasn’t Mentioned, But Might Be Later?

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was not mentioned in these documents, but admitted to flying on Epstein’s plane twice, which is certainly an interesting choice for an environmental warrior whose cousin literally died in a private plane crash (well, unless you ask the QAnon people).

Weirdly, when discussing this fact with Mediaite founder Dan Abrams, Kennedy kind of threw his first wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy (who cannot defend herself because she died in 2012) under the bus.

My plane rides with Jeffrey Epstein — I took two plane rides with him. Once in 1993, when I went down to visit my mother in Palm Beach. Remember, nobody knew anything about Jeffrey Epstein’s nefarious activities till 2006. He was a public figure and a big philanthropist in New York and many, many people knew him. My wife knew his girlfriend Ghislaine Maxwell and and they offered us a ride when we were going to see my mother. I was with two children and my wife on the plane at that time, I knew nothing about Jeffrey Epstein, and then I think one or two years later, we went took my kids fossil hunting on the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota.

He then later added that she had “some kind of relationship” with Ghislaine Maxwell, without specifying what that was.

And Trump? What About Trump?

Sjoberg testified that Epstein mentioned Trump a lot, although she never met or massaged him, but that Epstein did talk about taking her to one of his casinos.

Trump was previously accused by one Epstein accuser of having raped her when she was 13, though that lawsuit was dropped.

Who Else?

Sjoberg said she heard Epstein say on the phone that French hair care magnate Frédéric Fekkai was going to be in Hawaii and wanted some girls.

She said that she met Michael Jackson at Epstein’s house, but did not massage him.

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And Who Wasn’t Mentioned?

A lot of people, but notably Jimmy Kimmel. Why? Because noted anti-vax dipshit Aaron Rodgers (a football player) had weirdly suggested that he would be.

“There’s a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, really hoping that doesn’t come out,” Rodgers, said Tuesday on “The Pat McAfee Show.” “I’ll tell you what, if that list comes out, I definitely will be popping some sort of bottle.”

You know, “I sure hope this guy who made fun of me for being an anti-vax lunatic is a pedophile” is just a very weird take, although it’s hard to be surprised given that there is a lot of crossover between the people who think the COVID vaccine is a secret Bill Gates plot to put microchips in them and the people who think all of Hollywood is involved with a Satanic child sex ring/cabal.

“For the record, I’ve not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein, nor will you find my name on any ‘list’ other than the clearly-phony nonsense that soft-brained wackos like yourself can’t seem to distinguish from reality,” Kimmel wrote in a social media missive to Rodgers on Wednesday. “Your reckless words put my family in danger. Keep it up and we will debate the facts further in court.”

Good.

What Else?

Estate manager Rinaldo Rizzo testified about some untoward things he saw going on at Epstein’s:

For example, Rinaldo Rizzo, an estate manager for a friend of Defendant and Epstein’s, testified about an episode where Defendant had threatened a terrified 15 year old girl and confiscated her passport to try to make her have sex with Epstein on his private island. Mr. Rizzo testified about another episode where Defendant gave instructions to, and presided over, a group of eleven girls as young as 14 years old playing a “kissing game” with and for Jeffrey Epstein.

Nice people!

CORRECTION: This article previously stated the wife Kennedy was talking about was his current wife, Cheryl Hines, but he was actually talking about his first wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy.