Oh Sara, Thank you so much for this timely article! After Rebecca first slandered the Orcas this weekend I made her a little reply graphic, then fell asleep before posting it after movie night.
I cannot believe that you, an actual NewsLetter Author fell for the bogus "Orcas Eating Boats" stories that have been floating around, so to speak.
If the attacks are real, orcas would be proved to have amazing powers of discrimination since they seem to only go after expensive pleasure boats. You'd think a slow, noisy workboat that smells like fish would be an ideal target for Orcas. I haven't heard of them attacking refugee boats either.
Some regions that have lots of orcas and lots of pleasure boats don't have much of this trouble- Norway, Alaska. Probably many others.
Ever since the first few stories broke I think this has been almost all opportunistic insurance scamming. "I didn't plow into a reef, I was ATTACKED, RAVAGED BY AN ORCA!! Cut me that big insurance check."
Ta, Sara. The cats used to shit in the bathtub. I suggested to darling fiancé Meccalopolis that they needed two litter boxes, not one. No more shitting in the tub. We also got them a scratching post tower so Ebony would stop sharpening her claws on the door. It's too new to know whether or not that's working. I said when Ebony writes her autobiography she'll call it The World is my Scratching Post. A buck darted out of the bushes and into our car, but neither the deer nor the car was hurt.
Ta, Sara! I like to play a game called “Which Wonkette Author Wrote This Article?” and I was totally stumped. You definitely have a unique voice and wonderful perspective. Glad you’re here.
As a reward, please enjoy some photos of my personal kitteh overlords, Pi and Babby (Teen) Axl, showing off their teefs. Axl is “Wonkette Famous” due to his inclusion in every Wonkette Movie Night poster created by your fellow author, Ziggywiggy. You’re welcome!
"I feel it’s important to engage in baseless speculation and hallucinatory, Victorian-style automatic writing about which other animals might be trying to disrupt our annoying and/or harmful human activities."
Speaking of birds, there is this anonymous old Scottish ballad, "The Twa Corbies" (the two crows). One of my faves. Steeleye Span Covered it, and I do so like to sing it when the mood strikes (here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhy3nlIH78Q).
I'd like to nominate squirrels. They are absolute little bholes.
The rabbits. They eat everything. Destroy our gardens
And starlings. They pecked a hole in the side of the house And kept coming down the chimney -had to put a cap on it
I am certain that the wombats have it in for me.
Not that I have any proof of it but I am absolutely convinced that this is so.
So, if I ever get arrested for wombat-abuse, I will have the perfect defense based on my 100% belief.
Oh, it is also a profoundly-held religious belief. That should get me off the hook.
God is also a wombat, and you are truly and wholly befucked, and not in the good way.
Story of my life.
Birds aren’t real, Sara. Otherwise 10/10.
Oh Sara, Thank you so much for this timely article! After Rebecca first slandered the Orcas this weekend I made her a little reply graphic, then fell asleep before posting it after movie night.
But then you brought it up again.
You ORCA SLANDERER!
https://substack.com/profile/671070-paulomatic/note/c-43798207?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=edsu
I cannot believe that you, an actual NewsLetter Author fell for the bogus "Orcas Eating Boats" stories that have been floating around, so to speak.
If the attacks are real, orcas would be proved to have amazing powers of discrimination since they seem to only go after expensive pleasure boats. You'd think a slow, noisy workboat that smells like fish would be an ideal target for Orcas. I haven't heard of them attacking refugee boats either.
Some regions that have lots of orcas and lots of pleasure boats don't have much of this trouble- Norway, Alaska. Probably many others.
Ever since the first few stories broke I think this has been almost all opportunistic insurance scamming. "I didn't plow into a reef, I was ATTACKED, RAVAGED BY AN ORCA!! Cut me that big insurance check."
Ta, Sara. The cats used to shit in the bathtub. I suggested to darling fiancé Meccalopolis that they needed two litter boxes, not one. No more shitting in the tub. We also got them a scratching post tower so Ebony would stop sharpening her claws on the door. It's too new to know whether or not that's working. I said when Ebony writes her autobiography she'll call it The World is my Scratching Post. A buck darted out of the bushes and into our car, but neither the deer nor the car was hurt.
Yay, Sara, fantastic! Thanks!
Ta, Sara! I like to play a game called “Which Wonkette Author Wrote This Article?” and I was totally stumped. You definitely have a unique voice and wonderful perspective. Glad you’re here.
As a reward, please enjoy some photos of my personal kitteh overlords, Pi and Babby (Teen) Axl, showing off their teefs. Axl is “Wonkette Famous” due to his inclusion in every Wonkette Movie Night poster created by your fellow author, Ziggywiggy. You’re welcome!
https://substack.com/@2cats2furious/note/c-41757734?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knok4
[clears throat, whispers in a sidemouth] It's called `Guess the Byline'. You're welcome.
*Hangs head in shame*
I knew other Wonkers like to play this game, but I wasn’t aware of the “official” title!
I would have thought you’d know by now that I basically make shit up all the time.
And I would have thought by now that you know I’m sarcastic AF. 😁
Wait - birds are real?
Birbs are!
"I feel it’s important to engage in baseless speculation and hallucinatory, Victorian-style automatic writing about which other animals might be trying to disrupt our annoying and/or harmful human activities."
`
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lMHgKmvltU&ab_channel=KoroushGhazi
"A pod of orcas, colloquially called killer whales, approached the yacht and "hit the steering fin for 45 minutes, causing major damage and leakage,""
`
Orca-nized crime.
Wow, Leslie Nielsen was in horror (by the standards of those days) movies back before they discovered his talent in comedy, didn't realize that.
Local man does good!
Check out the all-bird dating sim game Hatoful Boyfriend. Birds want to break your heart.
I now must eye Tater with suspicion.
Tater eyes you with disdain and contempt. Whar Tuna, useless hooman?
Tater is a very easily overestimulated chiweenie.
I wuz misinformed.
Speaking of birds, there is this anonymous old Scottish ballad, "The Twa Corbies" (the two crows). One of my faves. Steeleye Span Covered it, and I do so like to sing it when the mood strikes (here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhy3nlIH78Q).
The Twa Corbies
As I was walking all alane,
I heard twa corbies making a mane;
The tane unto the t’other say,
‘Where sall we gang and dine to-day?’
‘In behint yon auld fail dyke,
I wot there lies a new-slain knight;
And naebody kens that he lies there,
But his hawk, his hound, and his lady fair.
‘His hound is to the hunting gane,
His hawk, to fetch the wild-fowl hame,
His lady’s ta’en another mate,
So we may mak our dinner sweet.
‘Ye’ll sit on his white hause-bane,
And I’ll pike out his bonny blue een.
Wi’ ae lock o’ his gowden hair,
We’ll theek our nest when it grows bare.
‘Mony a ane for him makes mane,
But nane sall ken whare he is gane:
O’er his white banes, when they are bare,
The wind sall blaw for evermair.’
I love The Twa Corbies.... loved it since a kidhood.
"It wasn't that we wanted a cat,
but were smitten by a kitten." - Ogden Nash
ogden nash is the best.
little gamboling lamb,
do you know where you am?
in a patch of mint.
i'll give you a hint--
scram! lamb
there was another one which i can't recall about being in a dark alley with caesar borgia
and he was coming torgia.
God in his wisdom made the fly.
And then forgot to tell us why.
:)