Whiskeydick Pete Hegseth Court-Martialing Mark Kelly For Not Doing A Sedition

This should go swell.

It was just last week we saw the video in which elected members of Congress who once served in the military reminded those still doing so that they can refuse orders that violate the law. Our first thought was Good for them, it’s nice to see some fight.

Our second thought was Oh, the wingnuts are going to scream so loudly that astronauts will hear it on the International Space Station.

We were not disappointed. Sun King Donald Trump has spent several days posting on his vanity social media site, TruthSocial, that the six senators and representatives who recorded the message are guilty of “SEDITION” and “TREASON” and “SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR” and “MILITARY TRIBUNALS” and “EXECUTED” and blah blah blah yammer yammer yammer. He has been joined by every lickspittle, sycophant, and brown-noser in the GOP, who have paraded before the cameras to complain about the horrific practice of reminding people to obey the law.

Now here comes the lickspittliest of them all, Secretary of Defense Pete (hic) Hegseth, to jump to the head of the line by threatening to court-martial one of the people who appeared in the video, Senator Mark Kelly of Arizona.

The Department of Defense (we don’t need to call it the Department of War because we’re secure in our manhood) made the announcement in a tweet on Monday. In it, the DOD said it had “received serious allegations of misconduct” against Kelly. (Let us guess: Those allegations came in the form of a TruthSocial post.)

The DOD went on to say it was thoroughly reviewing the allegations to “determine further action,” which could include recalling Kelly to active duty just for the purpose of court-martialing him. Then Secretary Drunky McPissedmypants piped in:

The video made by the “Seditious Six” was despicable, reckless, and false. Encouraging our warriors to ignore the orders of their Commanders undermines every aspect of “good order and discipline.” Their foolish screed sows doubt and confusion — which only puts our warriors in danger. [...] Kelly’s conduct brings discredit upon the armed forces and will be addressed appropriately.

“Seditious Six” sounds like the title of a low-budget grindhouse knockoff of The Dirty Dozen. Everything else in that paragraph is smarmy and stupid.

This is definitely a good political fight to pick: the astronaut who flew four space shuttle missions, the decorated Navy pilot who saw combat, the husband who nursed his wife back to health after she took a bullet to the fucking brain, versus the drunken try-hard showboating TV show host whose military career’s peak was working in a Civil Affairs unit. You guys are doing awesome.

Does Hegseth not remember the last time some troglodyte got in an astronaut’s face? One person was missing a few teeth afterwards, and it wasn’t the astronaut.

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We would also bet the Seditious Six’s offices have been getting lots of calls from military constituents and their families who are concerned they are committing murder by blowing up alleged drug-runners. So this could also be considered constituent services.

The whole thing is grotesque. The congressional members are perfectly within their right and certainly their duty to remind military members that their oath is to the Constitution, not the president. This has been a bedrock of the military since the beginning.

Of course, no one needs to take our word for any of this. The admonition is on a plaque at West Point, which states outright, “Should orders and the law ever conflict, our officers obey the law.” Trump himself tweeted this out, because he is entirely too dumb to realize that it supports Kelly’s argument and not his:

Amazing. The man’s brain is pudding.

And just to put a bow on everything, on Tuesday morning Defense Secretary (Hic) decided to get into it with Kelly, who had posted a selfie of the medals and ribbons on his dress uniform:

Ooooh, let us guess, will this inspection include the Defense secretary yelling “IS THAT A PLEDGE PIN ON YOUR UNIFORM” while spitting the residue of the half-dozen Irish car bombs he had for breakfast in Kelly’s face? You know, allegedly?

One cannot say enough about what a pathetic, insecure, classless, bullying, childish meat-headed dweeb our nation’s Defense secretary is. So we’re not going to try. Maybe Kelly can mention it the next time Hegseth is sitting before the Senate Armed Services Committee.

As of this writing, the senator has yet to answer with a tweet simply reading “Learn how a mirror works, you fucking dumbass.” But he might as well go for it. Senatorial dignity is so 19th century anyway.

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