412 Comments

Reporting from the east coast, shortly after totality passed. So far, no panicked reports on the news of people missing, or bodies being vacuumed up. Kinda disappointing, I was hoping rush hour wouldn't be so bad this evening.

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Oh PLEEEEEEEASE let it be the RAPTURE because, if all those "good christians" get sucked up to the I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT JAYYYZZZUS AMUSEMENT PARK AND TIRE CENTER, then they leave all their shit behind and I gots dibs on the Mercedes that the local pastor drives. I just hope the AH doesn't take the f'ing KEYS with him!

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"That is way too many coincidences for me to feel comfortable,"

and way too many non-sequiturs to make me feel credulous

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"Maybe all three!"

AOT,K

IYKYK

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As I often say, with only 366 days to go around, things are bound to coincide from time to time.

[See also too: Easter bunnies / basic decency vs the christianists, 2024]

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Yeah......about that whole 'Cetus' thing........Cetus is one of the constellations cataloged by the Greek astronomer Ptolemy in the second century. It was named after the sea monster sent by the god Neptune to devour Andromeda in Greek mythology. Andromeda was chained to a rock as a sacrifice to the monster. So does that mean Neptune is actually DOG?!?!?!?!? WELL.......this changes EVERYTHING........

Raving fucking lunatics.......

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Apr 6·edited Apr 6

I blame Reagan for shutting down all the mental institutions and letting all those dangerous, psychotic fuckwits out to breed, vote, and spread their stupid nonsense.

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OMG, I'm just so happy the hell portal or imminent death or whatever happens on a Monday instead of a Friday. Will the hell mouth open when the first part of the globe is getting eclipsed? Or is it a rolling death?

I wish it would start before 7 am CDT so I could avoid getting ready for work (what a waste if I'm going to be dead or sucked to hell in a few hours). I'd rather spend my last earthly moments snoring with the dogs and husband.

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Apr 6·edited Apr 6

Laughing my ass off. Would love to see these "prophets' " faces when the sun reappears and the earth rolls on.

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Does no one have to read A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court anymore? Is each generation going to continue to be stupidly suspicious of natural occurrences, and imagine that they are great thinkers for coming up with numbingly moronic proclamations of whatever bullcrap occurs to them?

So tired of all these knuckleheads.

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I read it in college.

Eclipses and comets have long been seen as portents of doom because they seemed to appear at random.

But now we know they aren’t random. They’re actually very predictable. That’s why we know one is coming on Monday. But some people are still desperate to believe in conspiracies and supernatural fantasies that control the world.

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I'll take the super powers...

Or Sam and Dean Winchester.

They'll do Abaddon in.

Chop her head off, or something.

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I’d stay clear of Sam and Dean. Anybody who gets close to them invariably ends up dead.

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It might be worth the risk to get close to Dean...

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Sometimes I'm jealous of the absurd and thrilling world they've imagined they live in. Where super-scientist Bond villains are part of secret cult cabals using space research and particle accelerators to summon demons (which seems over the top when those girls in highschool used to do the same damn thing with Morton's kosher salt, chalk, and candles). That's just way more interesting than reality. I GET the appeal. They get to be the hero that has figured it all out. Or mostly They're just dreaming of when they get to say "I told you so" to some slutty nonbeliever being devoured butt first by Baphomet's less attractive cousin.

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These Trump voters get crazier every day

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I like the Egyptian gods bit because of course they don't believe in any gods other than Jehovah except when they need some gobbledygook to base a stupid conspiracy theory around.

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HEY! We had one in Oregon a few years back. How come the whackjobs didn't claim the Rapture would happen here?

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Obviously, they know there won't be any rapturing going on in a Godless blue state.

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I'm in the path of totality - I was more interested in the weather conditions than anything else, so I checked YouTube for long range forecasts. I immediately got swamped with apocalypse videos. You'd think after the last few hundred predictions failed a light would go on in their brains, but...

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