You Are Getting Very, Very Sleepy (Because Of How It Is National Hypnosis Day)

Also probably for other reasons.

The lovely (and polydactyl!) Chloe, courtesy of our pal Ralph!

Hello, and welcome to your weekend!

Today is National Hypnosis Day, and you know what? I have never been hypnotized — though that is most likely due to lack of trying and having never actually been anywhere where anyone was doing any hypnotizing, like a magic show or a dodgy psychologist’s office in the late 1980s.

Because we are never afraid to be servicey, your first present this week is “Beings Are Beings: Overcoming Your Fear of Extra-Terrestrials Through Self-Hypnosis.” Honestly? I’m not anywhere near as frightened by aliens (who I assume are probably more or less ALF) as I was by the voice of the woman on this recording saying “feeeeeeeeeel” over and over again. It was very unsettling! Of course, it’s entirely possible that it was recorded by some less friendly ETs who want to lull us into a feeling of safety so that they can, like, eat our brains or whatever.

I was also lucky enough to discover a whole bunch of “DNA Activation” hypnosis videos. Usually when I hear about “DNA Activation,” it is in the context of people who believe they are human-alien hybrids and, indeed, the playlist attached to this video includes at least four hours worth of “Pleiadian Humanoid DNA Activation Frequency,” guaranteed to “awaken your star seed potential.”

These are things I attempt to research every few months only to get extremely, mind-numbingly bored before I managed to figure any of it out. Though, to be fair, I don’t actually think there is a way to explain “DNA Activation” to anyone who is not completely daft without scaring them or putting them directly to sleep (but not in the hypnosis kind of way).

Admittedly, I would like to know if I am hypnotizable — for reasons of my own personal safety! — but the odds of me ever getting around to finding that out are more or less nil, because, again, they would involve going to places I am pretty sure I would hate. So if someone can wave a clock in my face and convince me I am a chicken, the world will never know. Oh well!

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