Your Father's Day Sunday Shows Rundown!
We watch so you never have to.
Sunday might have been the day we try to show some love to the dads in our lives, but some of us were just dealing with motherfuckers.
Specifically, the lying ones employed by or beholden to Donald Trump.
So let’s dive right in!
Chris Wright
We start with Trump’s Low Energy Secretary, Chris Wright, on ABC’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos Jonathan Karl.
Wright praised the Iran Memorandum of Understanding (MOU … or is that IOU? We get it mixed up). Jonathan Karl then asked about the flow of ships through the Strait of Hormuz, noting that Vice President Couchfucker Vance said it’s been about 55 ships a day. But Wright couldn’t help slipping a lie between some truth (which we caught).
WRIGHT: Well, 55 ships two days ago, as you said, 67 went through yesterday on an oil and oil products volumes about equal to where we were before the war.
The prewar average was 140 ships per day passing through the Strait of Hormuz. So, if by “about equal,” he means less than half that, then sure, bud. But if words have meanings, then no.
Wright then tried to praise and puff up Donald Trump’s ego, but somehow did the opposite.
WRIGHT: [B]ut look, the president has been advised all along, despite the media proclamations, that there was enormous risk to energy flows to engage […] the Iranians on their nuclear program in a military fashion. […] He knew he was going to drive up energy prices in the short run. He had the courage to take the action anyway.
Knowing something is dumb and doing it anyway is not courage, it’s stupidity. Which explains why the entire “war” has basically been a long string of bumbles, stumbles and foolhardy charges that would make Leroy Jenkins proud.
Our favorite quote from Wright was this Freudian slip.
WRIGHT: We knew that was a risk to energy prices. We've paid the price with higher energy prices in the midterm.
What a perfectly clippable soundbite for every Democratic Party midterm campaign ad!
Thanks, Chris Wright, you sack of sentient bland oatmeal!
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Mike Waltz
Speaking of midterms, Margaret Brennan on CBS’s Face The Nation began her interview of UN Ambassador Mike Waltz by showing viewers the polls about Trump’s Iran blunder.
BRENNAN: Our CBS News poll out this morning shows that more than three-quarters of Americans want to end the conflict now, with 69 percent saying the conflict with Iran was not worth the costs. More than half, 57 percent, say the president’s war with Iran created more problems than it solved. And two in three believe that the administration reached agreement with Iran mainly because it wanted the conflict to be over.
We’re joined now by U.N. Ambassador Mike Waltz…
The look on Waltz face, after receiving what can be categorized as the opposite of a James Brown intro, was priceless.
Brennan continued with her first question:
BRENNAN: The war is unpopular, as you just heard […] And if even the president's own team doubts this is a win, how do you sell this to the public?
Waltz tried to defend himself, and the administration, the only way politicians know how: By answering a question they were never asked.
WALTZ: I'll go back to other polling that shows the American people absolutely agree with President Trump that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon.
Those are two very different things. If someone kicks you in the balls and when you complain they answer with “I thought you cared if Iran got a nuke,” you rightly dismiss it at ridiculous obfuscating. And, let’s face it, that’s precisely what the Trump administration has done to the average American’s economic situation with this idiot-ass war that’s done absolutely zero to prevent Iran from obtaining a nuke.
Lindsey Graham
Staying on Face The Nation, South Carolina Republican Senator and political remora Lindsey Graham was a little miffed his warmongering boner has been merely edged instead of fully satisfied by Trump’s “war.”
So, much like a toxic guy with blue balls, Graham started “negging” Trump.
GRAHAM: Let's try this. Let's try a diplomatic solution. I think it's going to fail.
But Graham, ever the hopeless romantic for the wanton killing of people in foreign lands, shared his hope for future satisfaction after trying to influence talking to Trump.
GRAHAM: I spent 4.5 hours with President Trump Friday. Here's what I think will happen next. If this deal fails, President Trump is going to take the Strait of Hormuz over by force. […] We'll charge a fee for all those who go through – through to pay for the operation. […] And if Iran contests control of the Strait of Hormuz by the United States, we will obliterate them. So, to all the people listening, if this diplomatic effort fails, President Trump is going to take the Strait of Hormuz.
It’s always the “bravest” guys who’ve never fought in a war who want our country to go to one.
Jeanine Pirro
We conclude this week with DC US Attorney Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro, on Fox News’s The Sunday Briefing, vowing to get the vandals who destroyed Trump’s precious green/blue Reflecting Pool renovation.
PIRRO: Anyone who is in a position to vandalize or attempting to vandalize the Reflecting Pool will face the criminal justice system in D.C.
Wow, sounds serious. We like to help, so here are some suspects we found. Be on the lookout for this guy who looks like the WWE’s Paul Bearer, men in reflective vests with bottles of peroxide, and the mastermind who revealed his evil plans on TV.
Throw the book at them with the viciousness you would a sandwich tosser!
Have a week.
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"We'll charge a fee for all those who go through [the Strait of Hormuz] ... to pay for the operation."
By whose authority? The US doesn't have any claim to the region, unless this whole stupid war is a de facto territorial grab. Even if the US media is too cowardly to call this out, you can damn well bet that other nations that need the strait aren't going to passively let the US engage in international piracy.
Hey there, Graham, why the fuck hasn't Dipshit and Kegsbreath already taken the Strait of Hormuz? Actually a better question would be: Why the fuck weren't they prepared for Iran to close it down by securing it first?
Hey there, Judge Boxwine, I've read that there are security cameras at the reflecting pool, so it will be easy to prove the vandalism. However, the real vandals are as Michael Mora pointed out - that Dipshit crony who got the no bid contract and Dipshit himself.