Trump Considering Graciously Inviting Feds Back To Mar-a-Lago For Personally Guided Tour

Wonkette has a better idea!

 The headline at CNN says Donald Trump currently is "consider[ing] allowing" letting the feds come back to Mar-a-Lago to look around some more for any documents they might be interested in. Isn't that nice of him? Isn't he just a mensch? That, after the feds came and so rudely ransacked the place and pilfered his precious stolen classified American secrets and rubbed all over Melania's underpants, he would be gracious enough to consider letting them come back?

Even though he did not "allow" them the first time?

GROSS! Hope You're Happy: Melania Had To Get New Underpants 

The government is pretty sure Trump still has some stolen documents he's refusing to give back and that they didn't find in August, and the Justice Department has kindly and politely told Trump's lawyers they'll be needing those documents too. And now Trump is thinking about letting them back in for a quick look-see. A guided tour, of course!

PRETTY SURE! Is Trump Still Hanging Onto Government Documents? Say It Ain't So, Joe! 

CNN says the Justice Department continues to make clear that it's pretty sure Trump hasn't returned everything he's stolen, and says Trump's lawyers are therefore "weighing" extending an invitation to the feds to "potentially conduct a supervised search."

What, so they can get something on the schedule so Trump knows exactly when Mar-a-Lago needs to be "ready," by which we mean all the rest of the documents he stole have been safely stored off-premises, like maybe at Bedminster or something? Is that how this "supervised search" would work?

And what kind of fucking morons are Trump's lawyers that they think the feds hahahaha there is no need to finish typing questions about Trump's lawyers that start with "what kind of fucking morons."

Apparently "some of his more experienced lawyers" — CNN's words, certainly not ours — have managed to convince Trump, at least until he has a bowel movement that changes his mind, that being cooperative would be better for him.

CNN reports that Trump now just wants all this silliness — over how he literally stole state secrets from the United States government and we still don't know what kind of nefarious and/or traitorous purposes he had/has in mind for them — to go away. So maybe if Trump invites the feds for a nice afternoon of Beanie Weenies and burnt steak and a carefully choreographed Easter Egg hunt for documents, they'll just all admit this is one big misunderstanding?

“The general belief in Trump World is that this is much ado about nothing and the sooner we get past it the better,” said a person close to Trump, adding that the former President has told allies he “wants to move on.” [...]

As the midterm election draws closer and Trump grapples with his next political move, he and allies are eager for some relief from his web of legal troubles.

“He is worn down,” one source close to the former President said. “Getting one thing off his plate” would help him move forward.

Yep, that's how stupid he and the people who surround him are. Attorney General Merrick Garland signed off on a full-scale raid of a former president's Florida trash palace over "much ado about nothing," something that will just fall "off his plate" if he is nice enough.

(He's also so stupid that he reportedly still thinks these things are "my documents.")

SO STUPID! Oh FFS, That Idiot Actually Thinks State Secrets He Stole Are 'MY DOCUMENTS' 

We are thrilled to hear how "worn down" he is, though. It sounds like he's extremely unhappy and anguished, and that's how we like him.

IDEA: The feds should accept his invitation for Big Macs and wall ketchup and while they're doing that, tactical teams should fucking ransack literally every other property in the country owned by Trump or any member of his immediate family.

[ CNN ]

Follow Evan on Twitter right here! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .