Let's All Just Enjoy This Trump Lady Ranting About Technologically Advanced Mermaids

They just want to be part of our world.

At some point in the recent past, a woman — nay, a vision — made an appearance on the QAnon ReAwaken America tour. Is that Michael Flynn's ReAwaken America tour at which Eric Trump was to appear alongside actual Nazis at his father's hotel until Rachel Maddow exposed it and Eric Trump threatened to sue her and then had the actual Nazis disinvited? Yes. So that's what we're talking about here.

What we're also talking about here is "prophet" Amanda Grace, clad in not one but two seasonally inappropriate purple scarves, getting up on that stage and talking about mermaids.

Yes, mermaids .

She wasn't one of your basic conservatives crying about Black Ariel. Oh no! She was concerned about the real "mermaids and water people" whom she claims are "technologically advanced." What does this mean? Does it mean they've figured out how to brush their hair with forks? Does it mean that they have invented a cell phone that isn't going to die or need to be kept in a bag of rice for a day if one accidentally drops it in the toilet at 3 a.m. for totally sober reasons? I would imagine so, given that they live in water and all. They would have to.

Though, to be honest, it is not clear what the actual fuck she is talking about here. 

“At Trump Doral, Prophet Amanda Grace warned of technologically advanced “mermaids and water people” spreading perversion and told the crowd, “we are meant for hand to hand combat.””

— PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 (@PatriotTakes 🇺🇸) 1684101724 

"There’s wickedness," she began, "attempting to completely cover this nation in perversion and seductive seducing spirits."

You're ... welcome?

“I have never seen more images of mermaids and water people in my life," she continued. "That’s a division in the kingdom of darkness and they’re highly technologically advanced. And we have to understand what we’re dealing with. And we have to understand the rules of engagement in spiritual warfare. And we are meant for hand-to-hand combat.”

With mermaids? Wouldn't that be, you know, kind of slippery? Are we fighting them in water or on dry land? Amanda Grace is not clear about this, but I don't think I would win an underwater hand-to-hand combat fight with a mermaid. I can hold my breath for a pretty long time, but the mermaid would be very slippery and I imagine that would make things quite difficult. I'd have to rely entirely on hair-pulling, I'd imagine, and that doesn't seem very classy.

This is not even the first time in the last week that this woman has been on about mermaids, mind you. She also recorded an hour and 11 minute video this week about freaking mermaids and water people and how she was very concerned about the "full court press" they've been getting lately — what with the remake of The Little Mermaid and Avatar: The Way of Water (fun fact, according to Amanda Grace: The evil water spirits actually look exactly like the Na'vi and the demons who were assigned to the people who made the movie put those images in their heads). She even had a dream that Tucker Carlson had a giant mermaid tattoo wrapped all around his torso, explaining that this probably meant that he had a seductive spirit after him.

In the dream, she was at something called the Loudmouth Prayer Event and Reverse Davos, which I think we can all assume is some kind of sex position.

There’s an area kind of offstage and now Tucker Carlson enters. White shirt, darker blazer and jeans. He looked upset, he looked perplexed. He just looked like something had happened. He went to approach a small group of individuals that were more towards the corner and left of me and shadowed so I could not see who they were. So I wasn’t allowed to see who these individuals were. Tucker then turns his back to me and stretches, which lifts up his shirt and jacket.

He had a very large mermaid tattooed and wrapped around the entire trunk of his body.

Entering backstage to my right was Greta Van Susteren, who I think is on Newsmax and she quietly slipped in and observed and just stood there. After seeing her, I woke up.

Is Greta Van Susteren the seductive spirit? Who can say!

Amanda Grace also had a dream about Glenn Beck not long after that. In this dream, she ran into Glenn in some strange room where he was accompanied by a Black woman who was wearing a fancy dress, and Amanda Grace told her that she liked her dress and the Black woman said "Thanks, it's couture" — which is what made Amanda Grace realize this was about the Met Gala. Then she asked the woman if she was with Glenn Beck and the woman was shocked that she had realized she was with Glenn Beck?

Yeah, other people's dreams are not actually that interesting, even when they are prophets.

I am embarrassed to admit that I actually listened to the majority of her broadcast and also that I would, without question, watch a CW show based on her nonsense. There were magical tattoos and mermaids and demons and prophetic dreams and warring spirit world factions. I'm sorry, but replace Tucker Carlson and Glenn Beck with some brooding 30-year-old teens with impossible jawlines and just shoot it directly into my veins.  

I don't know why this lady is so worried about mermaids. Flipping their fins they won't get too far. After all, legs are required for jumping, dancing and pretty much all non-sea-based hand to hand combat.

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