America Elected Trump And All It Got Was War, Inflation, Murders In The Streets, And Explosive Diarrhea.
'I never voted for inflation,' says MAGA supporter in Midwest diner restroom.
People who voted in 2024 to make Donald Trump president may not have had “explosive diarrhea” on their checklist of goals for the Great Man’s return to power. Most probably thought they were voting to deport people, bring down prices, stick it to trans people, or at least Own the Libs, but this summer multiple states are nonetheless experiencing outbreaks of cyclosporiasis, the infection resulting from food tainted with human feces. Weeks worth of explosive diarrhea is its most notorious symptom, though infections can also cause “watery diarrhea, loss of appetite, and weight loss.”
Elect a dictator bent on breaking science and public health, inherit a literal shitshow.
One of the worst outbreaks is in Michigan, which as of Tuesday had identified 3,309 cases, with at least 44 people hospitalized. In non-shitstorm times, Michigan typically experiences only 40 to 50 cases of cyclosporiasis a year.
Nationally, the CDC reports that as of Monday, there were at least 1,645 cases confirmed in 34 states, with 141 hospitalizations nationwide, but the agency also noted that more than 5,100 additional cases need to be analyzed to confirm whether they’re also cyclosporiasis.
And no matter how funny “explosive diarrhea” may sound in a blog post, in reality, it’s a truly nasty parasite:
“I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy,” Reba Pousma, a Denver resident who likely has cyclospora, told CBS. “I’m on day five now of going to the bathroom over 40 times a day, and nothing has been solid.”
As it happens, the outbreaks are spreading like tacky gold highlights in the Oval Office just a year after the administration slashed a national monitoring program for foodborne illnesses, making monitoring optional for six pathogens, including the cyclospora that’s now making thousands of people sick.
For almost 30 years, the “Foodborne Diseases Active Surveillance Network,” commonly shortened to “FoodNet,” tracked eight common pathogens in the food supply, in a collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the US Department of Agriculture, and 10 state health departments. The mandatory data tracking helped health authorities identify risks and compare the prevalence of the nasty bugs over time.
But starting in July 2025, the CDC made monitoring for six of the pathogens optional, requiring mandatory tracking for only two pathogens, salmonella and Shiga toxin-producing E. coli (STEC). In addition to cyclospora, FoodNet made tracking and reporting optional for campylobacter, listeria, shigella, vibrio, and Yersinia, all of which can cause serious or sometimes life-threatening illnesses, especially for expendable Americans like newborns, pregnant folks, and people with weakened immune systems.
But states were still free to keep monitoring those six pathogens if they wanted to, and if they had the budget, so what are you whining about?
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No word on how much money last year’s changes to FoodNet monitoring “saved,” particularly in light of the costs of the recent outbreaks, but the important thing is that letting nature take its course will eventually serve the administration’s eugenics aims by weeding out lives that are less worthwhile than specimens of physical perfection like Donald Trump, Stephen Miller, and Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
Experts worried that the changes would make it harder to identify developing outbreaks of foodborne illness, but happily, the surge in cyclosporiasis cases is big enough and gross enough that everyone noticed, so isn’t that good news?
Investigators haven’t yet identified any specific source for the outbreaks — and there may turn out to be more than one, given how many outbreaks there have been. Michigan’s Department of Health and Human Services said this week that “current results point to lettuce or salad greens as a potential source” for that state’s outbreak, although there too no specific source has yet been identified.
One difficulty in tracking cyclospora outbreaks to a source is that it can take up to two weeks after exposure for symptoms to develop, by which time people may not remember what they ate and where.
Also too, the Washington Post reports (gift link) that, as a precautionary measure, a number of Taco Bell restaurants in the Detroit area have posted notices to let customers know the local mystery-meat outlets are “currently unable to sell Lettuce, Cilantro Onion, Pico de Gallo, and Guacamole due to a nationwide recall.” (The sticklers for detail at Ars Technica, however, add that it’s not clear what the signs are talking about, since there haven’t yet been any product recalls announced by Michigan or federal health authorities.)
Taco Bell Corp. told the Post that the limitation on ingredients is being done voluntarily and out of an abundance of caution, and that there’s been no link between cyclospora and Taco Bell, or any of its suppliers.
The Post adds that some people who have become ill told investigators they’d eaten at Taco Bell, according to a “person familiar with the national investigation,” but that others who’ve been sick said they hadn’t eaten at Taco Bell at all, so the outbreak is likely to go beyond the one fast food place.
Readers are encouraged to post their “Make a run for the border” jokes as soon as possible and get it out of their system, as it were.
As for what you can do to reduce your chances of getting sick, Michigan’s health boffins point out that lettuce and salad greens have often been the source of prior outbreaks. They recommend buying whole heads of lettuce, not “pre-washed, bagged lettuce or salad kits.” You should discard the outer two or three layers of leaves and thoroughly wash the inner leaves under running tap water. (And no, rewashing bagged lettuce or greens isn’t likely to remove cyclospora.) Also, you should wash all other fresh produce, even if you’re going to peel it.
Even better, switch for a while to veggies that can be cooked, since washing isn’t guaranteed to entirely remove the parasite.
It’s a scary shitty world out there, and having a government run by loonies who think not testing for disease somehow makes disease go away doesn’t help. Good luck, America!
[HuffPost / NBC News (2025) / Ars Technica / WCNC / WaPo (gift link)]
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I feel like explosive diarrhea perfectly sums up the entire width and breadth of this fucking administration.
Yeah, but the puppy had a vagina and a funny laugh.