Biden To Commemorate January 6 By Explaining That Trump Is Literal Actual Anti-American Extremist Cell Leader

More like this, pretty please with an abortion on top.

Jan 05, 2024

Pundits, analysts, and historians are vocally explaining right now that the election in November is not really between two men, Joe Biden and Donald Trump, but about whether the United States will continue to attempt a course of being a democratic republic of free people, or whether we’d like to immediately cannonball into fascism and give up this American experiment, probably at least until The Gangrenous Orange Abscess feels his black heart beat for the last time, and maybe further, depending on who’s left to fight back when that time comes.

But really, we must underline that the mere existence of this election shows us how far we’ve fallen as a country. The fact that we’re literally having to choose between cake or death — and shut up, TikTok leftists, it’s cake — instead of having a normal election to decide which normal person will lead, and which normal party will control each house of Congress. For not only is Donald Trump an authoritarian fascist who hates this country, hates our troops, and hates every sacrifice they’ve made to preserve it, but the party that supports him is not an American political party, but a virulent, fascistic, bigoted insurgency that seeks to destroy every foundational principle of this country — except for maybe slavery and the other ones the American people have managed to fix over time, like how voting rights used to only be for white men. If you look inside their hearts, you might find how much they don’t hate those. (They have a whole judicial philosophy around it, it’s called “originalism.”)

Because of Donald Trump, and because of the sycophantic white hood collection that calls itself his political party, we must have an election where we choose between America and some sick fascist facsimile of a country, where the most mediocre and dumbfuckedly evil of our citizens — a shrinking minority of diabetic Caucasian pockmarks — seize control and rule over the diverse, pluralistic majority that respects people’s rights to live, love, worship and be as they are.

We must have an election between “America” and the man who tried to overthrow it.

And because of the insane number of ways this giant lumbering bumblefuck of a country has failed to keep up with democratic norms and reforms over the past two centuries, because the country truly is still rigged to overrepresent Christian Nazi extremists in the hinterlands over the diverse, pluralistic majority, the extremists could win.

Even if they lose the popular vote for the presidency, like they usually do.

Even if they lose the popular vote for Congress, like they usually do.

And the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court they’ve bought themselves by really making the most of (SEE PREVIOUS TWO SENTENCES) stands ready to let them get away with it, maybe.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Donald Trump’s January 6 terrorist attack on the United States of America. President Joe Biden will commemorate that tragic day today, not tomorrow, near Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, with a speech reminding us who Donald Trump is, what his movement threatens to do to us, and that democracy itself is on the ballot. (No, this is not a moment where Joe Biden is senile and doesn’t know what day it is YES IT IS no it isn’t. They changed it because of that shitty snowstorm that’s a-comin’.)

The Washington Post says this will kick off a “more aggressive posture” toward Trump from Biden going into this election year, and to any in the Biden administration reading this (we know y’all out there) let us just weigh in and say OH PLEASE GOD LET IT BE TRUE. Any assistance Wonkette can offer helping him be as mean as the moment demands, we are here, and we are professionals.

Here is some more serious block quote from the Washington Post, which wouldn’t know how to write a dick joke about Donald Trump if their life depended on it, democracy dies in darkness my ass:

Biden will speak near a site where a group of militias gathered to form a coalition to fight for democracy in the 1770s, and where George Washington established headquarters during the Revolutionary War, as a way to invoke the core theme of his presidential campaign some 250 years later. […]
The latest actions and rhetoric suggest that Biden’s campaign, after some uncertainty, is settling on a central message: that American democracy would not survive another Trump presidency. As Biden’s economic successes fail to move the polls, and Biden himself shows reluctance to wholeheartedly embrace an abortion rights message, an emphasis on democracy has risen to the fore.

GUYS? Do the wholehearted embrace of abortion thing too, please. I swear to God, and again, I know you’re reading. (Whoa y’all Evan is writing in the first person, he must mean BZNESS.)

Here is some direct messaging from the campaign:

“Our message is clear and as simple: We are running a campaign like the fate of our democracy depends on it. Because it does,” Biden campaign manager Julie Chavez Rodriguez told reporters Tuesday. […]
“On January 6, 2021, we witnessed a very different vision of America, one defined by revenge, retribution and a rebuke of our very democracy,” Rodriguez said. “It was the first time in our nation’s history that a president tried to prevent the peaceful transfer of power.”
Michael Tyler, the campaign’s communications director, highlighted some of Trump’s recent rhetoric and his vow to seek retribution from his political opponents if he wins the 2024 election.
“He’s promising to rule as a dictator and use the government to exact retribution on his political enemies, all while he and his MAGA supporters encouraged and applaud political violence across the country,” he said.

Yes. All of this yes. (WITH ABORTIONS ON TOP, PLEASE.)

Read the full WaPo article for more messaging from the campaign.

In advance of the big speech, the Biden campaign released this ad that echoes some of the same themes. Below is the transcript.

“I’ve made the preservation of American democracy the central issue of my presidency. I believe in free and fair elections and the right to vote fairly and have your vote counted. There’s something dangerous happening in America.
“There’s an extremist movement that does not share the basic beliefs in our democracy. All of us are being asked right now, what will we do to maintain our democracy? Just please watch. The world is watching.
“Most important, our children and grandchildren will hold us responsible. The vice president and I have supported voting rights since day one of this administration. And I ask every American to join me in this cause.
“America is still a place of possibilities where the power resides with, ‘We, the people.’ That’s our soul. We are the United States of America. There is nothing beyond our capacity. We act together.”

Watch this space for the livestream of the speech!

GONNA BE A BANGER.

Here’s the livestream, or you can watch with us here.