Bongos Out! For Real This Time!
Dan Bongino, your L is waiting.
Well lookie here, The New York Times confirmed what’s been rumored for a while: Co-Deputy FBI Director Daniel John Bongino has left the building, for real this time! In the middle of a (sadlarious) article about Kash Patel’s many dumbshit, public-endangering moves:
Bongino has said he plans to leave his job as soon as this week or as late as mid-January, according to three people with knowledge of his plans.
One sign it might be sooner rather than later: Mr. Bongino has been sending office knickknacks and other possessions back to Florida, where he intends to resume his lucrative career as a pro-Trump media broadcaster in time for the midterm elections, they said.
But Mr. Bongino’s departure plans, like his brief tenure at the bureau, have been steeped in vacillation and melodrama.
Those four-syllable words indeed! Rumors of Bongino’s departure started swirling as early as July, after his bizarre appearance with FBI Director Kash Patel on Fox’s Sunday Morning Futures, both of them looking like hostages reading from cue cards that there were no Epstein files, no client list and that the guy totally killed himself, case closed, while Bongino shook his head and blinked like he was trying to send a message in Morse code.
And Bondi put out that jailhouse video that she swore was COMPLETE and UNEDITED but with three missing minutes that convinced even the more credulous MAGA faithful that some kind of cover-up was going on. And internally Bongino got blamed, because it was his idea, and he’d vouched that he gave the tapes a “thorough review.”
But not as thorough as Wired, which figured out it was modified in about 10 minutes. Heck of a job, Bongos!
And following that humiliation, somebody leaked to NewsNation that if it was up to Bingo and Kash, they would have released all the files months ago. And Pam Bondi did not like that. Dramatic re-enactment:
We were later to learn (via either Susie Wiles or Deputy Chief of Staff Taylor Budowich, implied Axois, but you can probably guess which) that Bondi confronted him, and it turned into a screamfest. Bongina had spent his entire podcasting career pumping his slackjawed fan base to believe the Deep State, Clintons, and Hunter Biden did it, and now his credibility was in the crapper!
Then a few days later, he resurfaced on X with an ominous and cryptic message saying that he had seen things that shocked him to his core and he will never be the same after learning.
Perhaps now that he will be drinking his Muscle Milk and arranging his desk knicknacks in the private sector, he will tell all. Or more likely, tease about telling all, because what else is there for a MAGA podcaster to peddle in between boner supplement ads these days? Pro-Trump podcasting does not seem like a growth industry lately.
But the guy has clearly been losing it. By May Bongino seemed to be in full meltdown, wringing his hands that he had given up everything to work for Trump.
And then in August he was given an unprecedented co-deputy, Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey. And then we did not hear from Bongongo’s blabhole for a while.
Turns out, though, not only did Dan Bongino know that there are Epstein files, as we were later to discover, Bongos himself had been busy since at least February with what they called the “Epstein Transparency Project,” LOL. He was overseeing 934 FBI employees working like a Queen Evillene sweatshop, toiling more than 14,000 overtime hours, including nights and weekends, to comb through 100,000 documents in those very files, redacting Trump’s name, and others. That is a lot of fucking files, but don’t nobody bring Trump no bad news!
And he has been busy behind the scenes with other things, like tagging along with Kash Patel to Miami to make peace in Ukraine. What does domestic law enforcement have to do with Ukraine? Something extremely legitimate and not corrupt in any way, for sure!
Ah well, bon voyage! May he have the kind of luck he deserves.
PREVIOUSLY!
[New York Times archive link / Bloomberg / Washington Post gift link / Axios]
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It's a lot easier to heckle from the cheap seats, eh Dan?
Well, you can go join Megyn Kelly in internet oblivion. Those are about as cheap as the seats get.
I never roll Brolly out before his time. It's time.
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