Have you heard the good news? Easter candy is half off! Also, who or whatever deity you believe in — Jesus, Muhammed, Elijah, Elijah Muhammad, a fox with the voice of Johnny Cash — you might be meeting them sooner than you think!
President Donald John Trump, madman constrained by only the morality of his own mind, TruthSocialed his genocidal intentions towards Iran on the most holy day of the Christian calendar:
Trump gonna kiss Jesus and ask forgiveness for all the pride, wrath and mass-murder with that filthy mouth? Claim that praising Allah was some I was just jokin,’ nobody before you, Broski, just some artsy weave from your favored flawed vessel!?
And no Sunday services for Trump! Instead, before pounding that missive he called up Fox, ABC News and the Wall Street Journal to say a variation of “I’m considering blowing everything up and taking over the oil.” Then afterwards made a slow motorcade tour around where he plans to build an Arc de Trump to honor himself, in what sounds like a situation when a toddler refuses to nap and is on verge of meltdown and gets strapped in the back seat with a juice box and Raffi until they nod off. (Daily Beast archive link)
It didn’t work though, and then he got real specific. Uh oh.
Like premeditated war crimes are an episode of “American Idol.”
Israel is ground-invading Lebanon now. (Le Monde)
Sure hope Trump chickens out, and that Iran doesn’t retaliate inside the US! If there’s an EMERGENCY stateside, that’s one more tool to help him and complicit Republicans steal midterms. They have a lot to be worried about! Democrats are winning back the left flank, and “double hater” voters who dislike both parties now say they consider Democrats less bad by 31 points. (G. Elliott Morris)
Meanwhile, on Friday, 23 states sued over his latest Kingly Executive Decree blocking mail-in voting. You know, the same mail-in voting he and his whole fug family use every election. (CBS)
In addition to all of the other odious vote-suppression in the SAVE Act — fortunately beached in Congress for now — it would end voter registration drives. (Time / Bucks County Beacon)
Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine, aged 19, is now helping grifter Nick Shirley out with his fraudy “fraud” videos. BTW, ICYMI, the teens who assaulted BB got sentenced to probation. (Wired)
The murder of Alex Pretti reportedly came directly after Stephen Miller explicitly pushed DHS leadership to do message-sending levels of violence:
“If we let them have the perception that their protesting is successful, then the administration will never successfully prosecute interior operations to remove aliens, so we need to engage these protesters, and we need to vanquish them by force of arms. They need to be vanquished by any force necessary.”
Vanquished sure does sound like his brand of imperious self-fluffing. And then hours after immigration agents fatally shot Pretti, an ICU nurse, Miller called Pretti an “assassin” on social media. Terrified of protestors and voters, they are. (Daily Mail archive link)
A Honduran immigrant, Ever Alvarenga Rios, is in the hospital after ICE agents in Baltimore allegedly rammed his van on purpose. Alvarenga Rios' lawyers say they have not been allowed to see their client, and his wife says she’s been barred from visiting him in the hospital. Satan, if you’re listening... (CBS)
Nicer times:
Commandos rescued the pilot of that downed F-15E Strike Eagle who had been missing in Iran. (New York Times)
In the race for Texas’s 15th District, Democratic candidate Bobby Pulido — who also happens to be a Latin Grammy Award-winning Tejano singer — has been spending his weekends sing-campaigning at South Texas quinceañeras. (Wall Street Journal gift link)
Miscellany:
It’s always a good time to read or re-read the classic Captain Awkward how-to on dealing with MAGA-splainers in your life! (Captain Awkward)
Jackie O’s Casserole Marie-Blanche is the epitome of depression food, poor Jackie! Sub sour cream for cottage cheese, dump in artichoke hearts and capers, top with whatever chopped herbs and lots of parm, and don’t bother to bake it. Just dump all that on the hot egg noodles and season with garlic salt and pepper. Now you are comforted instead of sad, there there. (Better Homes and Gardens)
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Wonkette playlist shuffle, time to predict how everybody’s Monday will go!
The magic shuffle says … Fergaliciously!
Whew, not “Armageddon It”! Really getting it, do not want, not in these shoes.
Parties incoming for all who survive, hey hey!:
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I bought some fishing stuff like trout bait and fishing line. I am now getting ads for fishnet stockings.