DHS Contractors Say Corey Lewandowski Asked For Big Fat Bribes, Err, We Mean 'Success Fees'

Oh, hold on, he denies it, so everything's fine. Sorry for mentioning it.

NBC reports that Corey Lewandowski, the remora who keeps attaching himself to various larger smelly fish in Trumpworld, asked government contractors to cut him in for a paycheck if they wanted to do business with the Department of Homeland Security. In one case, say people in the know, Lewandowski even had his hand out before Trump took office. In other words, it must be a day that ends in both “y” and heavy drinking.

Not surprisingly, Lewandowski and his people say such a pay to play scheme is unpossible and you should stop being ridiculous, there’s nothing to see, please stop looking at that door with the corpse smell and the unidentifiable fluids leaking into the hall, OK?

In fact, in an interview earlier this month, NBC News even asked Lewandowski if he’d ever gotten “any money from any of the contracts” he has approved, and he said “zero, not one penny,” and why would anyone doubt a stand-up guy who just can’t be pried out of Trump’s orbit, ever?

Try Not To Weep For The Private Prison Baron Open To Some Graft, Just Not That Graft

During the transition between the 2024 election and Trump’s inauguration, for instance, insiders say Lewandowski generously offered some help to George Zoley, founder of the private prison company GEO Group. Lewandowski simply wanted to be paid in exchange for making sure GEO Group kept getting more contracts from DHS, capiche? After all, as the administration ramped up its mass deportation program, there’d be a lot of money going to DHS, plenty for everyone.

Zoley, who may be fine with making money off prisons but apparently didn’t care for the prospect of being sent to one himself, said no thanks, according to people who said the sources, “describing the confrontation as tense.”

Once Lewandowski was ensconced as Kristi Noem’s “special government employee” in charge of sleeping on the wet spot advising her on policy and shit, Zoley met again with Lewandowski in February or March last year, and offered to put him on retainer, with a recurring “consulting fee,” wink-wink, nudge-nudge. That wasn’t good enough for Cosplay Barbie’s Ken doll, say the industry insiders:

Lewandowski balked, saying he wanted to be compensated based on the company’s new or renewed contracts with DHS, the two sources said.

“He wanted payments — what some people would call a success fee,” said a person with knowledge of the meeting.

You will absolutely guess what happened next: Geo Group’s existing DHS contracts were revised to shorten their duration, and now “several of its facilities that could house migrants sit idle, even as Congress and Trump have poured money into DHS to execute the mass deportation campaign.”

No doubt that’s all just a coincidence! Also, this one DHS insider told NBC News that Lewandowski specifically told him to stop awarding contracts to GEO Group. Lewandowski denied that, so the insider hadda be lying. Besides, in December 2025, GEO got a “new contract for $121 million for services that help locate immigrants DHS is trying to find,” so see, they did get new contracts! Eventually.

Lewandowski’s spokesperson, who isn’t named, denied the account as “absolutely false” and said Lewandowski “never demanded any payment or compensation from the Geo Group, at any time,” which probably means he simply phrased it as a description of how he could be of help, is all, and maybe mentioned ways in which a lot of companies might show someone their gratitude. We’re just speculating about the many ways in which communication can work, of course.

Trump Knows, But It’s Not (Yet) Bad Enough For Him To Care

The NBC News story also points out that Trump is fairly sure Lewandowski is getting his beak wet, but doesn’t appear bothered by it. While Democrats investigate that $220 million DHS advertising contract to promote Kristi Noem’s ability to look tough and in charge while riding a horse in the Black Hills, Trump’s reaction has been to say to his advisers, “Corey made out on that one.” But he did promotefire Noem for making him look bad when she said in congressional testimony that he’d signed off on the ads.

The article also notes, in what sounds like carefully lawyered prose, that several companies, including GEO Group, have griped to “officials in Trump’s inner circle” that

Lewandowski, as a special government employee, has directly or indirectly stood to personally profit from the DHS contracting process, according to four senior White House officials, a former White House official and a person familiar with the conversations.

A partridge in a pear tree declined comment.

The complaints were even aired with Trump in an October meeting about another matter, but “the conversation was cut short by superseding business.” He’s a busy man, and you can’t expect him to stay on top of every last bribe every last Cabinet secretary’s boy toy may or may not be requesting or hinting at.

Oh, Was Corey Why The Kids In Texas Drowned? We Are Only Asking.

NBC News also notes that Lewandowski has “had broad authority over the contract process,” noting the chaos resulting from Noem’s brilliant requirement that all expenditures over $100,000 be approved by her. That requirement has led to all sorts of delays, including fuckups that slowed federal resources from getting to Texas during last year’s deadly floods, including preventing FEMA’s “Urban Search And Rescue” divers from being deployed for three days, by which time it was too late to rescue anyone, just bodies to search for.

In what we think is new news, NBC reports that

DHS officials and private industry sources say Noem had largely delegated that review to Lewandowski. His spokesperson denied that, saying Noem “has delegated no authorities to Mr. Lewandowski.”

Sounds to us like something that needs to be determined one way or another, since those delays weren’t mere inconveniences. Not that anyone in DHS would ever admit it.

There’s much more, including the story of a marketing firm tapped to pursue a DHS subcontracting deal worth a billion dollars — but was also told by the main contractor that the price for getting the contract would be “properly thanking the person who gave it to us.” That could be provided to Lewandowski, the potential subcontractor was told, by hiring “one of several consulting firms tied to Lewandowski.”

That claim was dismissed by Lewandowski’s spox with an impressive non-denial denial that we initially wasted three paragraphs explaining, but the main thing to remember here is that Corey Lewandowski is saying that he hasn’t decided yet whether to leave his DHS “special employee” job, even though Noem’s out and Markwayne Mullin has the top spot.

And as long as he’s still inside the DHS and hasn’t yet been forced out, Lewandowski isn’t likely to face any consequences. If he’s ejected because he’s no longer in favor, that could all change. Oh yes, and one more thing, we hate to bother you, but what the hell was in Kristi’s bag that got left on the airplane? It’s probably nothing, but we just can’t make sense of that.

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Kristi Noem Leaving On A Sex Plane

Kristi Noem's Feral Emergency Management Drives Search And Rescue Chief To Resign

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[NBC News / New York (gift link) / TPM]

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