Wonkette does not want trouble, so we will not unquestioningly repeat what all these news outlets have been saying about how there’s big fuckin’ Susie Wiles drama (allegedly!) in the Trump White House. Have there been rumors that Donald Trump is going to fire White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, for reasons, or because he’s looking for somebody to blame for how hilariously shittily everything is going for him? No comment, and you’ll get trouble if you say otherwise!
Axios reports on a letter received by Politico — talk about a game of follow the bouncing access journalism bootlicker, Jesus — from the White House Counsel that says it better retract its stories about big fuckin’ Susie Wiles drama (allegedly!) in the Trump White House, or else gonna be trouble!
The letter screams about Politico publishing “demonstrably false and defamatory articles in an apparent effort to manufacture a narrative of dysfunction and infighting in the White House.”
Dysfunction? In this White House?
Among the charges: “Sensational falsehoods”! “Fanciful fiction regardless”!
Priss priss priss!
And here we were completely about to forget to write about all these stories about big fuckin’ Susie Wiles drama (allegedly!) in the White House, before we saw a headline about this melodramatic letter.
They are upset about the October 15 Politico Playbook headlined “Trump’s Ice Maiden is under fire” (LMAO), which claimed WRONGLY AND BADLY that Trump has been calling around asking people what they think of Susie Wiles, the way he always does when he starts getting jitters in his underpants about somebody. They had four sources and a Republican operative who said, “She’s burned a lot of people.” Reached for comment, Trump stuck by Wiles, but he always does that until the very second he fires somebody.
“TOTAL FAKE NEWS Politico doesn’t care about facts, integrity, or honest journalism — it’s why I kicked them out of the White House!” the president said. “Susie Wiles is my loyal and longest serving Chief of Staff — there is a reason for that. She has been with me since the beginning, is my trusted advisor, and has my COMPLETE confidence. President DONALD J. TRUMP.”
‘Kay.
That article said there have been replacement names floated, like maybe Unfuckable Satan Hitler Incarnate himself, Stephen Miller. Three other possibilities from that article? “Trump is also considering Steve Witkoff, Bill Pulte and Kevin McCarthy[.]”
Steve Witkoff who called Vladimir Putin a “humanitarian” this week? Bill Pulte, Trump’s yapping French bulldog who thinks he’s a pit bull? Kevin McCarthy, who is Kevin McCarthy? Hahahahahahaha.
The letter goes on to bitch that the reporting in that article is “prefabricated, supported only by anonymous sources,” a statement that contradicts itself, but this White House is full of goddamned morons, no reason why the White House Counsel’s office should come off any smarter.
THEN, the NEXT DAY, they followed up and said Trump had a “freakout” about the original article! No freakout! No freakout! You are the freakout!
“This too was false, and obviously so,” says the letter. Obviously. Trump is notoriously cool, calm and collected, especially with the press.
And THEN, the SAME DAY, Politico published an article that said — WRONGLY, OF COURSE — that “Susie Wiles helped set up Fox News interview ahead of press secretary’s exit.” Politico had originally reported that Wiles had been instrumental in setting up that fateful interview on Sean Hannity when last week’s press secretary Katie Zacharia was exposed (again) as an idiot so bad that she needed to get fired. This was funny because it suggested that Wiles’s nasty underhanded trick to get Zacharia out of there was to … book the new press secretary on the Fox News TV show of one of Donald Trump’s most fervent and devoted asslickers.
Ya tricked! Whoa if true!
But apparently Politico might have boned that one a bit — or they’re saying they did — because they’ve updated the story and headline to say that Wiles had simply “offered positive reinforcement” for Zacharia doing that interview, which turned out to the final nail in the coffin of her embarrassing 24 seconds of employment.
“POLITICO’s follow-up reporting indicates she did not play a direct role in setting up the interview,” explains Politico. She just “offered positive reinforcement,” according to “senior White House official” dictating the new terms of the story, while the White House Counsel’s office is busy drafting yell-y, shout-y letters.
Susie Wiles did not set it up. Susie Wiles did not do Katie Zacharia dirty, by tricking the press secretary of America into going on television for a softball interview with a real-live dumbass.
Anyway, you can read the rest of the bitchy letter here. In general, what comes across is that this White House seems to be under the impression that if it issues an official denial to literally anything, that should be the end of the story, as if the building isn’t full of pathological liars and fascists, led by one of the most notorious liars in world history. Also as if the building isn’t full of backstabbers who will tell journalists the real scoop and/or stab each other in the back as long as they are credited as “senior White House official” or “person close to the White House.”
It’s not clear what the letter is threatening Politico with, but Axios reports that a “White House official” told them that “all options are on the table” and that Trump’s lawyers are “uncharacteristically enraged.”
There’s also this:
Sounds legit, Politico is a foreign op trying to influence American elections. They’re probably about to steal the midterms, by winning the morning! You betcha.
(Notably, the Trump administration is currently brazenly interfering to help the fascists win in Brazil, because it’s OK when they do it, or when America’s enemies do it to America on Republicans’ behalf.)
This of course is happening against the backdrop of Donald Trump’s fascist media ban of CNN, MS NOW, and Politico, which is currently being litigated. They’re still banned from the Oval and Air Force One, though a judge required the White House to let them back on the grounds a week and a half ago.
But anyway, drama! BUT NOT ABOUT SUSIE WILES! There is no such thing as Susie Wiles drama! Susie Wiles is so drama-free that she is actually classified as ASMR!
Meanwhile, voting is getting going around the US, and Republicans are clearly already looking for people to blame for what hasn’t even officially happened to them yet.
Politico reported (FAKE NEWS) earlier this week that the knives are already out and they know whose fault everything is, and it is each other:
Everyone is bracing for President Donald Trump’s ire if the party loses big in November. House Republicans are planning to accuse the Senate side. Trump political aides have taken to directly calling campaigns they feel aren’t performing well enough. National GOP operatives are quietly furious at lackluster candidates who didn’t do enough to prepare for a tough year despite early warnings. And some GOP candidates are pointing the finger back at their own party committees.
It’s a vicious cycle, according to more than a dozen top GOP operatives and lawmakers who spoke to POLITICO, some of whom were granted anonymity to candidly discuss private conversations.
So that’s fun.
Everything in this post has been a lie, except for the parts that were not, and the final say on which is which goes to Dear Leader Donald Trump, AKA Señor True Stuff.
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LOL If Wiles is in trouble that fits the pattern. Always send the ladies packing.
What a mess. Could you imagine what would be happening to Democrats everywhere if there was a Democratic White House operated in this slapdash manner?
I guess we'll see how many zacharias Wiles lasts for.
OT BREAKING!!!: New documentary reveals Lindsey Graham was a homosexual who hired multiple male escorts!! We are freaking shocked!!!